


We Don't Need an Adventure

by Sam_I_Am (Chloe_Hallow_Eve)



Series: Home is Where the Heart Can Breathe [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Background Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam - Freeform, Background Roxy Lalonde/Hal, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Non-Game Timeline (Homestuck), Past Jake English/Dirk Strider, Roxy is masc enby technically, Trans Roxy Lalonde, background Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas - Freeform, most characters are extreme background characters, slowburn, uses male pronouns but is non binary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22029445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloe_Hallow_Eve/pseuds/Sam_I_Am
Summary: Dirk has a bad habit of thinking things are completely fine until they're undeniably not. His relationship with Jake is no exception. Then Jake breaks up with him over the phone.When he goes to try convince Jake not to do this, he is instead met by Jake's cousin, John, who informs him Jake left the country. He and John end up spending a lot of time together.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Series: Home is Where the Heart Can Breathe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701565
Comments: 220
Kudos: 378





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes, relationships were complicated. They took a lot of work, effort, and compromise. But there wasn’t a problem that couldn’t be solved, with enough communication and belief. Dirk Strider knew this better than most. He’d been in such a relationship for years. 

Him and Jake didn’t always see eye to eye. They fought more than Dirk was willing to admit. But once they had time to cool off, they always came back and worked things out. Despite what their friends said about it not being healthy, it was how their relationship functioned. They couldn’t change it, and Dirk didn’t want to give up what he had with Jake just because things were sometimes frustrating. It didn’t matter if Dirk became exhausted by his boyfriend, or that he irritated Jake with his bad habits, or that they were going out less and less. They loved each other, and that’s all that mattered in a relationship. They could work anything out. 

So, no, their relationship wasn’t straining. They weren’t struggling, just settling down. There was bound to be a million small things they didn’t like about each other, or that got on their nerves, after being together for so long. The same happened in families, in friendships, and it happened here. 

They hadn’t moved in together because they needed their own spaces, and that was fine. They didn’t need to live in the same place to enjoy each others company. It was fine that they had tried, once, and it fell through. They just weren’t that kind of couple. That was fine. They were fine. Everything was going fine. 

At least, that’s how Dirk thought it was going, until he got a call from Jake one Monday evening. He was messing around with a project in his workshop when his phone, set on the table next to him so he could more easily notice if it went off, started ringing. A picture of Dirk kissing Jake’s cheek, Jake giving the camera a vibrant grin, lit up the screen. Peeling off his gloves, Dirk gave his phone a tired look, took a deep breath, and picked up. Bringing the phone to his ear, he smoothed out his tone. 

“Sup?”

There was silence on the other end for a long moment. Then Jake cleared his throat, sighed deeply, and said, “Dirk, I’m breaking up with you.” 

Dirk leaned back in his seat, frowning lightly. They’d done this song and dance before, Jake didn’t mean it. They’d be back together, if not within the same night, then within the next week. “What’d I do this time?”

“It’s not anything specific, this time. More like the whole.”

“Did I leave something at your place again? I can come by and pick it up. Or I could come by anyways, just to talk this over.” 

“No, don’t do that. I mean what I’m saying this time.” 

Kicking some wires out of the way of his feet, Dirk stretched out and thought hard about what he could have done to elicit this reaction this time. His brain drew a blank. “Jake, we can’t work this out if I don’t know what I did. Communication, remember?”

“Oh, blast, Strider. You’re not hearing me!”

Dirk cocked a brow at the wall. “What are you talking about? I’m listening.”

“But you’re not hearing what I’m saying! Dirk, I’m sorry to say, that this relationship is over, once and for all. There are no take backs anymore! I’m putting my foot down! It’s done! And not because of any one stupid thing either of us have done!”

Staring at his tools, Dirk slowly sat back up. “What do you mean, ‘once and for all’?”

There was a long pause. Jake sighed again. “Look. I’ve been talking with Janey, and she’s made some good points about our relationship as of late. We haven’t done anything besides meet up for a right snog! No dates, no romancing- heavens, Strider, we haven’t done the horizontal mambo in a hell of a long time!”

Dirk’s eyebrows drew together. “Are you breaking up with me because I haven’t fucked you in a while?”

“No. I mean, well, yes, somewhat, but more about what that means for us! I mean- I- There’s just… no magic, anymore. No spark. Kissing you is lovely, but if we’re not kissing we’re fighting and is that honestly what we should think that’s all there is to a relationship?” 

For a long moment, Dirk had no reply. Slowly, he rose from his seat, stepping into the room proper, careful not to trip over any scrap metal or wires. His mind was racing and drawing a blank simultaneously. His hand clenched and flexed at his side. 

“We work it out. We always work it out. We can work this out, too. I’m coming over.” 

“That’s just it. There are just some things we can’t work out.” There was some noise in the background on Jake’s side. Probably a movie he had playing. “At first, I found it charming that you were willing to talk things out and work for a solution, because you cared about keeping me in your life so much. But I’m tired, Dirk. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of half-assed solutions. I’m tired of- of us! I’m tired of being with you!”

Dirk’s throat was closing. He pushed out of his workshop, rushing down the hall to the front door. He switched ears the phone was pressed to, shoving his feet into their knockoff runners. He pulled a hoodie on, holding the phone in place with a shoulder. His voice came out thick and rough when he spoke, quieter than he meant to. 

“You don’t mean that. You’re just upset. Wait until I’m there, we can talk about it. I’m sure there’s an answer to whatever problem you’re having.” 

“Don’t talk like that. I’m not just upset, I’m done. And I will not be seeing you, because I know I will try taking back everything I’ve just laid bare if I see you.”

That’s what Dirk was counting on. If they were face to face, Jake wouldn’t be able to keep it up, they’d finally get to the heart of their problems. Dirk would work it out, and they’d be fine together. Everything would be fine. 

After a long pause, where Dirk was probably supposed to say something but couldn’t find the words between denying this was happening and making sure he had his keys, Jake continued. “I’m sorry, Dirk. But it’s over. I just wanted to say goodbye, and hopefully make you realize why I’m doing this.” 

Shit. It sounded like Jake was getting ready to hang up. Dirk stopped looking for his keys and burst out of his apartment door, using his foot to kick it shut and racing down the steps. He had to act quick. There wasn’t any time to waste on locking up. “Jake, don’t you dare hang up. I’m on my way, just sit tight.” 

“I want you to know, even if we’re separating, I enjoyed the time we spent together and I will always treasure it. Goodbye, Dirk.”

“Jake-!” 

Jake hung up. Pulling his phone away from his ear, Dirk stared at the black screen for a moment in disbelief. Jake had actually hung up on him. He’d never done that before. Gritting his teeth, Dirk shoved his phone in his pocket and broke into a sprint out of his apartment building, out onto the road. 

The stars were starting to peek out, the sky fading from orange to deep blue. Street lamps flicked on, giving Dirk a clearer view of his path. Jake’s place was a twenty minute walk from Dirk’s, but if he hurried, he could get there in ten. After orientating himself, Dirk took off down the sidewalk. 

As he ran, his mind worked. He had to figure out why this was happening. If he could find the source, he could fix the relationship. It was like coding- if he could find the faulty strand, the virus, and change it, the system could run smoothly again. He just had to figure out what the virus was. 

Going over the conversation in his mind, Dirk slowed to a stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the light. Jake had dumped a lot on him in the five minutes they were on the phone. But one thing stuck out at him, one thing that could explain this. Dirk pulled his phone back out, using the light as a chance to dial what he suspected was the virus. 

She picked up on the fourth ring, already talking. “Dirk I already know what this is about, and I should tell you Roxy and I tried to tell you-”

“You told Jake to break up with me, Jane. What the fuck.” 

“Well it wasn’t as if you were going to do it!”

The light changed. Dirk resumed his sprint, keeping the phone pressed to his face. He scowled at the almost empty street in front of him. “You don’t have the right to stick your fingers in my relationship. What possessed you to think telling Jake to  _ break up with me  _ was okay?”

“You’re not happy together anymore, Dirk. Jake came to me, complaining and asking me what I thought he should do, and I told him what I thought, full honesty. Your relationship was sour!” 

“Working through some issues is not ‘going sour’. We were nipping our shit in the bud.” 

“You can’t nip anything in the bud if the plant is dead! Honestly, Dirk, you’re being incredibly dense.” Dirk could imagine Jane in her kitchen, phone pressed between her shoulder and her head, one hand on her hip and the other with a whisk. He never wished he could smack her more. “Even if you couldn’t see that you yourself weren’t happy, couldn’t you see that in Jake? He’s been right miserable as your boyfriend as of late. There was no use in telling him to keep forcing the relationship, or letting you take control of it!” 

Dirk’s mouth tasted bitter, like he’d licked a Nintendo Switch game cartridge. He struggled to keep his expression cool. “‘Letting me take control of it’? Are you sure you were concerned about our relationship, or did you just want your chance to take a ride on the English express?”

There was a slam on the other end, as though Jane had slapped something down on the table. Her voice was hard when she spoke. “I’d watch your tone if I were you, mister.”

“Oh I’m so sorry, Jane. I’m sorry I won our petty little squabble over Jake years ago, and I’m sorry you apparently haven’t gotten over it at all. I’m sorry you’re enough of a bitch to break Jake and I up so you can try him on for size. Why don’t you spread your legs for someone else and leave my relationships the fuck alone?” 

Dirk heard Jane’s scandalized noise, then hung up. He didn’t have time to be pissed at her. He had to get to Jake’s, then reverse whatever it was Jane planted in his brain to convince him they were better separated. It wouldn’t be an easy tangle to unravel, Jake valued Jane’s opinion more than anyone but Dirk’s own. And if Jane could convince Jake this was for the best, he’d really have to amp up the touches and soft tone to undo it. Jake responded best to positive reinforcement. 

Pushing his legs, Dirk went into a full tilt. He had to burn off all the anger before he got to Jake’s, so he didn’t snap. He needed to be gentle. He could manage that just long enough to get Jake back. 

What had Jane even said? People had expressed their concern about how many times Dirk and Jake had to walk away from a fight before. Roxy, Hal, Dave, Jane- there were more. But they usually brushed them off, because they were made of stronger stuff and could work through anything. Because they’d gone through rougher patches and come out the other side, fine. Because they loved each other. Jake loved him. 

...Jake loved him, right? 

Dirk paused at another crosswalk, frowning. Of course Jake loved him. He was just confused. People who cried ‘those who love you won’t hurt you’ were naive, because people hurt other people all the time. It didn’t mean they cared about each other any less. And yes, Jake hurt him, but it was only because Jane stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. Dirk would go to Jake’s, remind him of their love, remind him of what they had and what they still had to give, and they’d be fine. 

But, on the other hand, what if this was all because Jake realized he didn’t love Dirk anymore? Jake had promised him on multiple occasions that that kind of thing would never happen, when his anxieties got too loud, but he could have been wrong. Jake was often wrong about things. If that was what was happening, there was no amount of grovelling or gentle hand holds that would convince Jake to un-break up with him. Dirk would get to his door, go through the song and dance, and Jake would still turn him away. That was a terrifying thought. 

Pressing his lips thin, Dirk continued his sprint when the light changed. Jake didn’t sound like he’d stopped loving Dirk, over the phone. He’d even admitted himself, he would take it all back the moment Dirk showed his face, because it was a mistake and their love was stronger than that. He had to believe in that. He had to believe in him and Jake. There wasn’t much else to believe in. 

When Dirk got to Jake’s house- a small single story property right in front of the woods, woods they’d explored and tussled in endlessly- he jumped up the couple steps to the front porch and knocked heavily on the door. Inside, Jake’s American Bulldog, Bullseye, started barking. A voice hushed him, then footsteps approached the door. 

Dirk kept his gaze down behind his shades. His gut roiled and tightened. Wiping his palms on his jeans, Dirk worked to collect his composure and catch his breath before Jake opened the door. 

When it opened and Dirk caught a glimpse of dark skin, broad shoulders, and messy hair, he started talking. 

“Jake, I know we have our differences, and our arguments, but we’ve had them before. We’ll have them again. None of that matters when you think of our relationship, how it’s been, how it works. We have our disagreements, yes, but we always bounce back. We know how to work with each other after a fight to fix whatever the problem is. We’ve put so much time into this, are you really ready to toss that aside? Statistically, we’ve had a good track record. I don’t see why that should end, especially since we still have feelings for-”

“Dude, what?”

That was not Jake’s voice. Startled, Dirk took a step back and looked up into bright blue eyes. At first, Dirk’s brain struggled to understand why Jake had blue eyes, before he picked out the differences between this person and Jake. Rounder jaw, wider hips, longer fingers, wilder hair. It was enough for Dirk to have the sinking realization that this was not Jake English, but his cousin, and Dave’s best friend, John Egbert. 

“You are… Not Jake.” 

“I am not,” John agreed, eyebrows high and lips thinned. 

They stared at each other for a long, awkward moment, before Dirk swallowed his pride at being caught having an emotion. “Where is he?”

“On a plane, probably. Did he not… tell you?”

Dirk’s mouth went dry. On a plane? “Tell me what?”

John’s face twisted. He sucked air between his bucked teeth, sympathetic. Dirk hated the expression. “Well, Jake kind of… asked me to house sit for him while he went off to backpack through Europe? Or something. Either way, he’s not here.”

Time moved sluggishly. Everything seemed vaguely fake. Dirk took deep, measured breaths. “... Do you know when he’ll be back?” 

“Nope. He didn’t give me a date or anything, just said he’d call when he landed back in the country.”

Dirk nodded, numb. He turned, taking the steps back down to the sidewalk. John watched him from the doorway, not saying a word, as he headed back the way he came. He was hardly aware of where he was going or what he was doing. 

Jake had left. Jake had called him, minutes before boarding a plane, broken up with him, and left the fucking country without telling him. It didn’t sound like John knew exactly where Jake would be, either, so Dirk couldn’t waste his money chasing Jake halfway across the globe. Jake had planned it, designed it specifically so he couldn’t. 

That was extremely cowardly. And shortsighted. Did he think Dirk would give up on this just because he left the country for a bit? Jake got incredibly homesick, he’d be back soon and Dirk would catch him then. They would talk, work it out, and get back together. 

Hell, maybe the time away would be good for Jake. Maybe he’d realize how much he needs Dirk. Maybe he would fly back with his newfound clarity, show up at his apartment, remorseful, and Dirk would forgive him. And they’d kiss and make up. And they would be fine. 

Everything would be fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written a homestuck fanfiction before, and the first time I do is to fuel my favourite ship. Because, honestly, this tag needs a fuckton more updates. So you're welcome! And give a big thank you to my beta reader, editor, and moirail, Berd_Alert! 
> 
> I'm aiming to update every Sunday. I hope you enjoy! Stay safe, take care of yourself, and I'll see you next week!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John didn't realize when Jake called that 'taking care of his house while he was away' included 'taking care of his boyfriend/ex-boyfriend whenever he showed up asking about Jake'.

John had never house sat before. As such, when he realized there was a lot more to taking care of Jake’s house than just being there so burglars knew his house was off limits, he almost regretted it. 

It had been a short notice thing. Jake had only called a couple of days ago to tell John he’d be flying out of the country, and that he needed someone to watch his plants and animals while he was gone. He hadn’t said where he was going, beyond ‘on an adventure’, or how long he’d be gone. But he’d said John could eat his food, use his netflix account, and drive his car, so it wasn’t as if John was going to refuse. And besides, they were family. That was what family was for- looking after your snakes and dog and pumpkins while you went on a soul searching journey across Europe. 

He’d shown up to the house a couple minutes before Jake had to leave. Jake shoved a folder of instructions for his pets and plants into his arms with an excited grin, told him to have fun, leaped into a cab and was off. It was the sort of whirlwind stuff John expected from his family. He’d walked inside with his stuff, patted Bullseye hello, then stopped to look in the folder. 

There were poorly done instructions on how to take care of the snakes and pumpkins, then some tips and tricks with Bullseye. John skimmed the words, eyes already glazing over, and dropped the folder on the coffee table. He’d just call Jade if he had any questions about the pumpkins. The rest he could probably figure out. 

So, he was responsible for a dog, two snakes, a pumpkin patch, and the house for an undetermined amount of time. That’s what he was expecting, and that’s what he could handle. Probably. With a little help from his other cousin. 

He did not expect, or know how to handle, Jake’s boyfriend/maybe ex-boyfriend/Dave’s brother showing up at the door with a speech about feelings. A really shitty speech. But it seemed like John handled it okay, because once he’d told Dirk that Jake wasn’t there, he tensed, replied shortly, and left. 

John watched him go, feeling sort of bad for the guy. Jake was definitely pulling something funny there, but it wasn’t his place to get involved. If Jake decided to break up then take off halfway across the globe, leaving Dirk here, then that was his business. He’d heard from Dave about what happened to people who got involved, and he really didn’t want to stick his nose where it didn’t belong. 

Except, a couple days later, Dirk came back. 

John was on the phone with Jade, arguing about how to take care of the pumpkins, staring at the gourds in question out of the back window. They were planted in the bit of yard Jake had before it turned into woods. 

“You only need to water them an inch once a week. You don’t have to do a little bit everyday!”

“But isn’t that how all plants work? Except for cacti. I know overwatering cacti is bad.” 

“You can overwater other plants, John.”

“Pretty sure you can’t. And I’m pretty sure I should water those things again!” He switched which ear he had the phone pressed to. “By the way, do you know how often I should feed the snakes? Jake told me what to feed them but didn’t say when.” 

Jade replied, but he got distracted when there was a knock at the front door. He missed what Jade said entirely. 

“Yeah, uh, hold up. Someone’s at the door. I’ll call you back.” 

Hanging up, John walked to the front of the house. When he opened the door and caught the first glimpses of weird pointy anime shades and ripped jeans, he knew he was in for something. He just didn’t know what. 

Brows drawing together, he stood there for a long moment, staring at Dirk. Dirk, expression unreadable as ever, said nothing. 

“....Uh, hey, Dirk. What’s up?”

“Not much.” Dirk shifted his weight. “Is Jake back yet?”

John stared. Blinking, he took a breath. “No, not yet.” 

And just like that, Dirk nodded, and walked away. John’s face scrunched and he closed the door. Okay, weird. One handedly, he dialed Jade back while locking the door and walking back into the living room. Jade picked up quickly. 

“Hey, so who was at the door?”

“Just Dirk.”

Jade made a surprised noise. “Why did he come by? Did he forget something the last time he visited Jake?” 

“No, he was just asking if Jake was here.” John debated if talking about what might have happened between Jake and Dirk was considered gossip. His common knowledge said it was. He decided to talk about it anyways. “I think Jake broke up with him, didn’t tell him he was flying to Europe, and left? Dirk showed up a couple nights ago talking about working things out. He went on for a while, didn’t even realize I wasn’t Jake.”

“Oh no! He must have really been distraught.” There was shuffling on the other end, then a sigh. “But if I’m being honest, I’m kind of glad Jake finally broke up with him? I don’t agree with the way he did it, obviously, but it might have been what needed to happen.”

Sitting on the couch next to a sleeping Bullseye, John’s brows furrowed. The dog woke up at the movement, blinking sluggishly at John. John patted his head. Grumbling, Bullseye readjusted so his butt was against John’s leg, then went back to sleep. “Why?”

“Well, sometimes it’s just hard to end things when you’re in front of the person. Sometimes, having a layer of separation is what a person needs to feel safe to break up!”

“No, I get that. Sort of. But what about that other part?”

“Oh. It’s just that, Dirk and Jake haven’t been… happy? Not lately. It’s like they’ve just been going through the motions. Easier to be together than to separate and have to learn how to be single again. They were together for years! But I was hanging out with Roxy this one time, and we bumped into them at the store. They were arguing over what bread was better, which is pretty silly. But they just looked tired. And apparently the argument actually got heated, because they had to walk into different isles to cool off.”

“Wow,” John said, “you and Roxy hang out in grocery stores?”

Jade giggled. “Shut up, he’s good with recipes. And that’s not the point!”

“I got the point, it just sounds complicated. And kind of like gossiping.”

“Yeah,” Jade agreed, “it does. But also, we care about Jake and his well being. This is just communal check up!” 

“I don’t think that’s how that works, but sure.” Glancing at the door into the hall, John frowned. This was definitely gossip now. Better change the subject. “Anyways, do you know where Jake kept the frozen rats? I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find them.” 

“Did you look in the kitchen freezer?”

“No, because I was hoping Jake wouldn’t keep the snake food with the people food.”

“Then that’s probably where it is.” 

***

Eyes narrowed, John stared into Caliborn’s tank. He’d looked it up, and gopher snakes needed to be fed once a week. He wasn’t sure when the last time Jake fed them was, so he was feeding them today. The girl one, Calliope, had happily gone to town on her frozen snake the moment he’d dropped it into her tank. Caliborn had looked at his rat, looked at John, hissed, then retreated into his hidey hole. John had tried wriggling the rat around with tongs, like suggested, but Caliborn was being stubborn and wasn’t taking the bait. He had attacked the tongs, though. 

Sighing, John took Caliborn’s rat back. He could always try again tomorrow. He walked back into the kitchen, dropping the rat in a plastic bag in the freezer. He really wanted to move the feed somewhere else. It was right next to the chicken breasts. He knew, realistically, that they probably couldn’t contaminate each other and even if they could, the rats were probably sanitized or something. But still, it was gross, and John needed to have a serious discussion with Jake about keeping a very specific separate freezer for the dead rats when he got back. 

Speaking of when Jake got back. What was he planning on doing with Dirk? It wasn’t like he could stay in Europe long enough for Dirk to forget about him. Dirk seemed like the kind of person that didn’t forget anyone. John could very easily imagine him standing in front of someone who said something rude to him in high school, katana in hand, performing a whole ‘do you remember me’ bit. He snorted at the idea, walking back into the living room. 

But seriously, what was Jake planning? Striders were persistent. If they had their minds made up, trying to change it was like bending an iron pipe with his bare hands. Only the Lalonde’s with their supernatural metal-bendy touches could do it with ease, and even then, they sometimes struggled. If John had a dollar for every time Rose smacked some sense into Dave, he’d be able to get into a psychology course at his university to learn to be able to do the same thing. It was a little concerning that Jake’s only plan seemed to be ‘run away’, because John knew first hand that you could only run for so long. 

While he was pondering Jake’s weird break up plan, there was a knock on the door. John turned to it, apprehension in his gut, wondering if this was a ‘speak of the devil’ situation. Carefully, he nudged Bullseye, protecting the house from the threat, out of the way and opened the door. He discovered quickly that it was very much a ‘speak of the devil’ situation when he was met, for a third time, with a pair of shades. 

“Is this going to be a regular thing?” John asked, en lieu of a greeting. 

“Probably,” Dirk replied, unfazed. Striders, always rolling with the punches. “Is Jake back yet?” 

“If you’re asking you probably know the answer already.”

“I don’t. You could be hiding him, for all I know, and he hasn’t flown to Europe at all. But I’m choosing to trust you, Johnathan, as a courtesy to Dave. The question itself, however, is a sort of lie detector test. If I ask the question enough, and grow familiar with your attitude telling the truth, any discrepancies will become apparent. In other words, the more you tell the truth the easier it will be to tell when you lie. When he is back, even if you cover for him, I will know instantly. And as Jake has taken great lengths to avoid me, I’d say my extreme reaction is founded.”

John stared at Dirk. Dirk stared back. “... Isn’t that a bit much?”

“Isn’t flying to Europe just to avoid having to face your boyfriend when you break up with him a bit much?”

“Fair. How are you holding up, anyways?”

Dirk was silent for a long moment. John felt his face scrunch in sympathy. “Fine. So, is Jake back yet?”

“Nope. Sorry.” 

“Hm.” Dirk turned, and walked back to the sidewalk. 

“Bye, then,” John called. He received an over the shoulder wave for his efforts. Shaking his head, John closed the door again, looking down at Bullseye. The dog sat, grunting up at him. “He’s really weird. But I guess he just misses Jake. Just like you, bud, huh? Don’t you miss Jake? Don’t you?”

Bullseye wiggled at John’s suddenly excited baby voice, barking. John grinned and bent down to scratch him behind the ears. He’d have to remember to take Bullseye on a walk out in the woods later. He’d been meaning to do a little exploring back there, anyways. 

For now, he went to watch some of Jake’s movie collection, mentally preparing himself to deal with Dirk a lot more often now. 

***

‘A lot more often’ turned out to be two days later. John was starting to see a pattern. It was at nine in the morning when he knocked. When John opened the door, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes in his Ghostbuster boxers and Nic Cage t-shirt, Dirk offered him a coffee cup. He held his own cup in his other hand. 

Pausing, John stared at it. He hadn’t known this was going to turn into a casual ‘how are the kids’ kind of visit, but the coffee definitely made it seem like that’s what was happening. Or Dirk was trying to butter him up for when Jake came back. Because, John would be honest, if Jake asked him to stay and lie to Dirk, he probably would. 

After a long, dumb moment of him just staring at the coffee, John took it. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Is Jake-”

“Nope.” John took a sip of the coffee. It was black, and still hot. He could survive drinking it until he could retreat back to the kitchen to add a ton of cream. “What are you doing out and about so early?”

“It’s nine.”

“Suuuuuuuuper early.” 

John could feel Dirk rolling his eyes at him. It was an acquired skill from being Dave’s friend. “I met with a client. They had a shift right after our appointment, so I grabbed some coffee and decided to pop by, since I was out. See if Jake was back from his trip yet.” 

“Yeah, sorry, he isn’t.” John leaned against the doorframe, blowing into the small opening in the coffee lid before taking another sip. “So, what do you do? What were you meeting about?” Dirk cocked a brow at him. John rolled his eyes. “You’re making these visits a regular thing. If you’re stopping by, at least humour me with idle chat. After all, I’m the one with control over if this door opens or not!” 

Dirk huffed a little. John grinned, counting it as a laugh. “I’m a robotics genius, engineer, and programmer. Basically, if people need their equipment fixed, I fix it. Which is what the meeting was about. Sometimes, I build robots and send them off to competitions and win money.”

“Oh, cool.” John could remember a time he’d been into programming once. He hadn’t been very good at it, and then he reached the last grades of high school, and life got too busy to continue trying to learn on his own. “Do you work with a specific company?”

“No, I’m freelance. I used to work at a company, but I managed to build up a good enough reputation for myself that I could go solo pretty quickly. As long as I keep the positive reviews coming, I don’t think I’ll be out of a job any time soon.” 

That was actually pretty cool. John couldn’t imagine doing anything like that. Being self-managed sounded like such a hassle. But also, kind of freeing? He’d have to put some thought into it. 

Dirk shifted his weight, pausing for a moment too long. “What about you?”

John blinked. “What about me?”

“What do you do?”

Oh, right. The topic of conversation. Duh. “I’m still in university. Just wrapping up, actually. Second to last semester.”

“Hm, congrats. What are you majoring in?” 

John’s face scrunched up. Ugh. He hated that question, mostly because he hated the answer even more. “English.”

Dirk stared at him. His mouth twitched, almost into a smile. John gave him a look, unimpressed. Dirk tapped the side of his cup. 

“Hm. Not what I would have thought you’d go with.”

“Trust me, I didn’t think I would, either.” John sighed and waved a hand. “When I was just starting out, Dad told me to pick a major and if I found something I liked better, I could switch. I never did, and by the time I thought about doing something else, I was two years in. I looked for something else, trust me! But I couldn’t find anything I was interested in, and then I was three years in, and at that point it was better to just get the degree and move on.” 

Dirk raised a brow at him. “What are you planning on doing once you graduate?”

“No idea. Everything just seems so boring, you know? Most I’ve thought about is maybe becoming a writer for a comedy show or something, then figuring it out from there.” 

Dirk nodded. “A regular John Mulaney.” 

John laughed into his coffee. It would be pretty funny if he followed in Mulaney’s footsteps. He doubted he had stories half as crazy as his, but John had grown up surrounded by pictures of comedians and harlequin figurines. It would be fitting if he followed in the path of another great and funny John. He’d have to work on his public speaking if he wanted to do that, though. 

Bullseye came up behind John, barking at Dirk. John turned to shush him, but Dirk was already crouching with a hand extended. Bullseye trotted over happily, shoving his head into Dirk’s hand. Dirk gave him obligatory scratches behind the ears and under the chin. 

John smiled a little. “I didn’t take you for an animal person.”

“I’m not, and if you tell anyone otherwise they won’t find your remains.” 

John rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure, whatever. You’re still petting the dog, who obviously likes you.” 

“Dog’s like most people. It’s a dog law. Any dog with a good owner likes people.” 

John rolled his eyes again, harder. Dirk set his coffee cup down to get at Bullseye’s back, and when Bullseye flopped on his side for belly rubs, Dirk complied. John watched him absently. 

He guessed Dirk would be good with Bullseye, since he’d been dating his owner. If you were dating someone, you had to get along with their pets. It was just the rule. Still, it was still nice to see, especially since Strider’s all had something against being genuine. If John asked about it, he was pretty sure Dirk would try to pass it off as ironic. 

Dirk stood after a while, ushering Bullseye back inside. “I should get going, have some work to get to. Nice boxers, by the way.”

“Thanks. See you next time.”

Dirk paused, stooping to grab his coffee. Then he nodded, saluted, and headed back down the road. John watched him for a little bit, then stepped back inside, closing the door. 

So, that was going to be a regular thing. Maybe he should ask Dave about Dirk, just so he wasn’t struggling for topics every time. Because he would squeeze some small talk out of Dirk. If every time he came by it was all just ‘wheres Jake’ ‘not here’, it would get super boring and repetitive. And rude. He’d prefer to at least get to know the dude a little if he was going to come by all the time. 

John glanced at the folder, still on the coffee table. He hadn’t touched it after the first few days, when he realized there really wasn’t anything of worth in there. He kind of wished Jake had the foresight to know John would be dealing with his plants, animals, and ex. Then he could have left John a note saying something like ‘hey, you’ll need to deal with my ex’, instead of leaving him to fly in blind. 

John just hoped he wouldn’t have to play monkey in the middle. He still had no interest in getting involved with their dramatic breakup. And while now there was no way to avoid it, he could at least minimize it by just being the one to tell Dirk that, no, Jake wasn’t home yet. Maybe make a new friend, who knew. But that was it. 

John tapped his leg for Bullseye to follow him, putting it all out of his mind again for the time being. “Come on, boy, let’s go get breakfast.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the last chapter, just to make it smoother, nothing big was added. If you want to look back and see how I changed it, be my guest, but know that it didn't change in any important way. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and such! I'll keep posting strong, so I hope you stick with me through the chapters! Stay safe, take care of yourself, and I will see you in the next chapter!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's too many people trying to give Dirk unwanted advice for his taste. Luckily, John isn't one of those people.

Dirk stared at his phone with a slight frown. He’d been avoiding this since Jake broke up with him, but with the amount of messages he was leaving Dirk a day, it was getting pretty impossible to ignore. With a deep sigh, Dirk dialed his number, and put the phone to his ear. It picked up part way through the first ring. 

“Heeey D-Stri,” Roxy chirped in greeting. “Heard Jakey broke up with you and you called Janey a bitch. And then you totes ignored all of my messages. Not cool.”

Pushing his shades into his hair, Dirk pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Sorry. It’s been… a week.” 

“Tell me about it. How are ya holding up?”

Pausing, he thought about lying. But it was useless, Roxy always seemed to know when he lied. So he sighed again. “Poorly, but I’ll be fine, once Jake gets back.” 

There was a long pause. When Roxy spoke, he spoke slowly. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing nefarious, I can assure you. I’ve simply been going to Jake’s place every so often to check if he’s back- which he isn’t, yet- and speak calmly with him about his decision. Then I can convince him it was the wrong one.” 

“Uh-huh. And what if, just entertain me here, what if he doesn’t wanna get back together?”

Dirk tensed. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t get all uppity on me for suggesting this, but what if he broke up with you because he wanted to? I’m not saying if it was the best option or not, or whether or not it was a good idea, just asking you to maybe consider what Jakey might have wanted in that situation. Also, are you just casing his joint? Cause that will not help your case bud.” 

Dirk hesitated a moment too long before replying. “Of course it’s not what he wants, he’s just confused. Jane planted some ideas in his head, and you know how he runs away with things. And I’m not casing the place, Egbert is house sitting. I’m technically just visiting him every so often.” 

“Awe dip, Johnny’s there? I love Johnny, he’s hilarious! Tell him hi for me! And while you’re at it, maybe consider that you making decisions for other people isn’t really how relationships go.”

Starting to pace, Dirk scowled at the floor. “Why is everyone saying that lately? I’m not making decisions for Jake. I just know what he wants better than he does.”

“Oh, speaking of Janey, you should apologize to her. She’s been baking up a storm, and Hal and I only got so much room in our place for cakes and pies.” 

Ah, Jane was stress baking. Or furious baking. Either or. Probably both. Dirk would have to give her one hell of an apology after all of this was done. And he was going to wait until it was over, because Jane could really hold a grudge. It would take more than a week for her to cool off. 

“Hm. I will, eventually. How’s my evil twin, by the way?”

“Doing great, still not evil, don’t change the subject.”

Dirk raised an amused brow, though Roxy couldn’t see it. “You changed it first.”

“Shush. We’re here to talk about you, not me. And you’re doing that thing again.”

Stopping his pace in his kitchen, Dirk looked out the window, at the city below. He liked to imagine he could see Jake’s place from here, and could keep an eye on it. He’d be able to save Jake from anything heading his way, because he would see it coming. He pointedly ignored what Roxy was getting at. “Doing what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. You’re doing that thing. That thing where you just assume what everyone wants and needs and acting accordingly, like we don’t think differently to you. I thought we worked through that stuff!”

“We did, which is why that is not what I am doing.”

“You’re over enunciating your words, you know that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

Roxy had him there. Taking a few breaths, composing himself, Dirk turned away from the window and leaned against the counter. “I’m not doing ‘that thing’ again, Rox. You’re right, we worked through it, and I used to be like that but you and Jane and Jake all helped me stop. And I’m grateful you did, because now I can think things through with a clearer head. And my head is telling me that Jake and I are meant to be together.”

“Christ.” 

“It’s a simple fact. We put a lot of time and effort into our relationship, tossing it away would amount to nothing.”

“You do know that sometimes, things just don’t work out, right? You know that some things just  _ won’t _ work? Haven’t you had projects that you spent a lot of time on that basically meant jack in the end?”

“No, because any project I spend a lot of time on eventually works and performs its purpose.” 

There was another stretch of silence. Roxy groaned after a long moment. “Ugh, fine. Whatever. We’ll talk about this later. Just think of how you’re gonna apologize to Janey, she’s gonna hold on to this one for a long while.”

“Already on it. Talk to you later.”

“Byyyyyyye.”

Setting his phone down, Dirk thought about what he’d said. Roxy had a point, he was acting in that obsessive way that typically pointed him in the direction of taking complete control. But, as Jake wasn’t even there, there was no possible way he could do that. And that wasn’t what he was doing. He just didn’t want to give up on a seven year relationship. Jake and him had been through too much to stop now. 

Dirk took one step away from his phone when it started ringing again. Glancing back, he saw Dave’s ironic duck lips picture on the screen. Cocking a brow, he stepped back over and picked his phone back up, answering. “Sup.”

“Sup, bro. What’s happening?” 

Dave’s voice sounded off, going through more tonal shifts than usual. Dirk narrowed his eyes. “What do you want, Dave?”

“Damn, chill. Can’t a bro call his bro and see what’s up?”

“He can, if that bro isn’t planning something. Spill.”

“I wasn’t- what makes you think- I am insulted. I call you up just to check in, and you accuse me of having ulterior motives? That’s no way to treat a bro. Like, damn, what crawled up your ass? Your head? It’s not a hat, Dirk, as much as you seem to think it is.” 

Dirk didn’t reply. He just stared at the far wall, unimpressed. Dave would know what the silence meant. 

“....Okay fine. I just wanted to see how you’re handling the breakup.” 

“It’s not a breakup,” Dirk snapped, “we’re just taking some time very far apart. Jake and I will be back together when he gets back.”

“So you’re still in denial. Cool, cool cool cool. At least you haven’t shut yourself away from the world. Remember the first time you guys broke up? I didn’t even know you could cry, but damn, if your pillow cases weren’t soaked when I was washing them.”

“You washed our shit in the shower, Dave, everything was soaked. And I’m not in denial, just stating a fact.” Dirk shifted. “How did you even know about the Jake thing?”

“Well, Rose told me. I don’t know where she got that info though, it could be anywhere. Rose has hella connections.”

Information and gossip did tend to spread through their group like wildfire. And when it came to Rose, it was anyone’s guess as to where she got a hold of all the latest news. Humming in understanding, Dirk walked into the main room of his apartment and went to sit on the couch. 

“But anyways, you shouldn’t be stuck in your apartment obsessing over this. Want to come out with Karkles and I?” There was a noise in the background, a voice that sounded suspiciously like it was saying ‘don’t you dare’. Dave continued. “We’ve got this show we’re going to see on Friday, and if you-  _ shut up, this is for the greater good-  _ if you wanted to join us that’d be pretty dope.”

From the loud protests in the background, Dirk didn’t think this was a unanimous decision. He cocked a brow. “Thanks, but no thanks. And I’m not staying holed up the entire time. Your friend, Egbert, he’s housesitting for Jake so I go out to check if he’s back. Yesterday we had an actual conversation. Your friend had no idea what he’s doing with his life, Dave, that’s concerning. Why don’t you try to help him with that?”

“I’ve tried, John is a tough audience. And that means you’re obsessing over this in an entirely new and ‘fun’ way. Double the reason you should come out with us and take your mind off of it.”

Dirk appreciated his brother’s efforts. It was nice to know Dave was trying to look out for him. Unfortunately, he didn’t need looking out for, and he was fine. Jake would get back, they’d get back together, and Dirk could shove his winning point in Dave’s face for the rest of time. Everything was fine. 

“Yeah, no. I have to go, I’ve got some commissions I need to work on. Text me if you think of something that isn’t crashing your date night, like going to make fun of everyone who walks into the suit shop or whatever.”

“Right, sure. Will do. Ttyl, bro.”

If Dirk didn’t know better, he would have thought Dave was saying the acronym unironically. He was spending too much time with Roxy. “See you.”

He hung up, hopefully for the last time that day, and shoved his phone in his pocket. He looked over to his workshop room (which probably was supposed to be his bedroom, but whatever, he had a pullout couch). He did actually have some things to work on. Sighing, he hoisted himself up and dragged his feet over to the room. Dave was right about one thing, at least. He should distract himself from everything once in a while. 

After all, the best ideas came from the unconscious brain. If he was focused on something else, he’d have some ideas about what to do about Jake later. 

***

Approaching Jake’s house, for the fourth time, Dirk wondered if he should have brought another coffee for John. It was almost four pm, so maybe not coffee, but something else. If he found the right excuses, he could potentially butter John up enough to gain his trust. Which sounded manipulative and unsympathetic when he was applying that sentiment to his relationship to Jake, but it was just strategy. So that little voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Roxy could shut up now. 

Quickly making his way to the door, he knocked and waited for John to answer it. It took a tad bit longer than other times, and when the door opened he got to see why. John stood in the doorway with an expression a step away from disgust, holding a frozen dead rat in a pair of tongs far away from himself. There was something tired, and irritated, to the set of his mouth that threw Dirk off. 

Any time Dirk had seen Jake and John within the same vicinity, it was almost like looking at twins. The similarities were drawn so often because they really did look much alike. Dirk had always assumed John and Jake’s expressions would be the same, too. But apparently that wasn’t the case, he realized, examining John’s scrunched nose, thin lips, not hiding any single emotion that happened to cross his mind. Jake tried to keep everything on the downlow, generally. Dirk could even see the exact moment John registered he was standing at the door, too, because the disgust took a backseat for pleasant expectation. The hand holding the tongs with the rat dropped a little and he smiled. 

“Hey, Dirk. Jake’s not back yet.”

“Uh-huh.” Dirk couldn’t quite keep from staring at the rat. “I thought Calliope and Caliborn were supposed to be fed a couple days ago?”

“Oh, yeah. Callie did! But her brother is being really stubborn and is starving himself. And trying to take a bite out of my thumb. He really doesn’t like me.” 

“That’s not surprising, Caliborn doesn’t like anyone.” Dirk frowned. “Do you need help with that?”

John’s eyes lit up. Taking a step back into the house, he opened the door more for Dirk. “Could you? Because I do. I’d feel really bad if Jake came back and found out his snake starved itself just because it didn’t like my vibes.” 

Snorting, Dirk stepped inside. “Vibe checked by a snake. Sounds like the snake is winning. What a way to go.”

“Man, shut up, he’s a judgemental snake.” John was grinning a little. He offered the tongs to Dirk. “I assume you know your way around?”

“I do.” Dirk took the tongs. 

He walked through the cluttered house to the terrariums kept in the laundry room. It was the warmest room in the house, and though the snakes had heating rocks and lamps, Jake still got nervous about them getting too cold. Sticking the tongs in the top, he tapped on the glass inside with the mouse. 

“Hey, get out here bastard and eat. We don’t freeze these for fun.” 

John snorted. “Is that how you speak to both of them?”

“Nope, just this son of a bitch. It works, though. Check it.” 

John stepped forward, peering into the tank. As Dirk expected, Caliborn slithered out of his hiding spot, saw Dirk, and hissed. He stayed blank faced asserting dominance. Caliborn backed down a little, turning his attention to the rat. Dirk wiggled it. Caliborn went very still, curled, and sprung. Dirk dropped the rat before Caliborn could get a hold of the tongs. That had happened once, it turned into a snake hunt. 

“That little turd,” John breathed, looking at Dirk with wide, practically sparkling, eyes. “How did you do that?”

“Caliborn responds to displays of power. He only listens to me because I smacked his nose when he tried to bite me. And Jake has been raising him since he was a hatchling, so he gets a special pass.” 

“Wow. I don’t think I could just… smack him like that.” John frowned into the tank. After a moment, his eyes lit up again, and he straightened. Standing next to him, Dirk could see how John was just a bit taller than himself. Turning to him, John gave Dirk a grin. “Hey, you’ve been visiting every two days anyways. Could you feed Caliborn once a week? I have Callie, she’s a sweetheart, but I’m not risking my fingers for this one when you could just do it.” 

Blinking, Dirk thought about the proposition. That definitely gave him an excuse to come by, so he could get Dave off his back. And if he had a reason to come inside every week, he’d more easily be able to tell if Jake was home.

“I could do that.”

“Great!” John stuck his hand out, grinning wide. “It’s a deal!”

Dirk stared John down. Grin unwavering, John thrust his hand a little more aggressively at Dirk. Dirk sighed, rolled his eyes, and took John’s hand. John giggled and gave a few strong shakes, then let go. 

“But seriously, thanks. I know things with you and Jake are messy right now, and I kind of care? But mostly I just don’t want his stuff to die. So. Thanks.” 

Dirk eyed John’s genuine expression. He’d hazard a guess that John cared enough to be concerned about Jake’s wellbeing, but he didn’t seem like the kind to care about the gossip or giving Dirk unwanted advice. He relaxed a little, safe with the information John wasn’t secretly judging him. He might be one of the only people who wasn’t right now. 

“You’re welcome.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John decides he's going to be Dirk's friend.

“Follow me here,” Dave said, “but what if gushers were made out of alien babies or something?”

John stared at his phone, expression twisted. He was in a video call with Rose, Jade, and Dave while he cooked dinner. They did that occasionally, when they weren’t that busy but still too busy to see each other in person. Jade was in her room, sitting in bed, her laptop in her lap, doing some work for her classes. Rose was lounging, a glass in one hand and the phone in the other. Dave’s portion of the video chat was just his icon. He’d gotten bored at some point and exited the app to go look at memes and weird conspiracy theories, so he couldn’t see the disturbed look John threw him. 

Every video chat they had somehow devolved into playing hypotheticals with Dave, one way or another. It didn’t mean John didn’t think the stuff Dave said wasn’t really weird. And if Dave was being weird, Rose was sure to follow. 

“Interesting theory,” She hummed, “would you say the government found alien life and decided to use their young as a snack, or that the gushers were an alien invention planted on earth for the express purpose of inseminating human bodies to carry their young for them?” 

“Let’s go with the second one.” 

“Then I would say John is a vessel for this alien species and he will perish upon birthing these creatures, as his body is not designed to carry the burden of children.” 

“Well damn. Sorry John, you’re not going to live to see your children grow.” 

Jade looked over from her work, a small frown on her face. “What are you talking about? All I heard was something about John giving birth.” 

“Then you don’t need to know anything else. That’s the topic. Nice of you to pay attention, Harley.”

Shaking his head, John looked down at the sauce he was cooking, pasta on a burner next to him. He stirred, tuning out his friend’s conversation. He had other things on his mind, mainly Dirk and school. 

John’s classes were grouped together at the beginning of the week, and then he had the rest of the week to work on assignments and chill. Dirk had been lucky to catch him on days he didn’t have school, or times he was back at Jake’s. But that luck probably wouldn’t last. Should he give Dirk his class schedule, just so he didn’t show up and no one answered the door? Dirk seemed kind of like the type of guy that might break in if no one answered. Or maybe he could convince Dirk to visit only when he needed to feed Caliborn instead of three times a week. It would be a hard battle, but he kind of needed to come out victorious for the sake of Dirk’s mental health. He didn’t want the guy to have a meltdown. That would suck, and he’d feel bad. 

John tuned back into the conversation, just as Dave was saying “-and we’ll sacrifice him like a shish kebab. Skewer Egbert right up the ass, offer him up to the gods with an apple in his mouth. You know, a typical Saturday night with the boys.” 

He turned to the screen, seeing all three of his friends looking at him. Apparently Dave had popped back into the app. “You’re going to do what to me?”

“Welcome back, Egbert. Where was your head at?”

After a moment, John realized his friends had been trying to get his attention, and had devolved into saying ridiculous stuff like in comedies. He set down his wooden spoon, sighing. 

“Sorry, I was just thinking.” 

“Yes, we could hear the gears grinding.” Rose supplied, helpfully. “What about?”

“Just, Dirk’s been coming by, so I’m wondering if I should give him my class schedule? So he doesn’t come by when I’m gone.” 

“Oh right, he mentioned something like that.” Dave leaned away from the camera, tapping a beat out on his chest. “I’d personally say don’t. I love the dude, but if you give him an inch he takes a mile. Basically, if you let him into your life, he’ll try to take control of it ‘for your benefit’.” 

“I mean, he’s already going to come by at least once a week to feed Caliborn. If he’s going to be coming by anyways, wouldn’t it be awkward if I didn’t try to be his friend?”

Jade set her laptop aside, turning to face her phone. “Well, that depends! Do you want to be his friend?”

“I mean, yeah. He’s an alright dude.” John shrugged. “I’m going to do it either way, I just need to make sure he doesn’t show up when I’m not around. He’s kind of obsessed with this Jake thing, I don’t know what would happen if I wasn’t there to answer. Maybe break in.” 

Rose cocked a brow. “That sounds like you’re more worried about what he’d do than you are about being his friend. Are you trying to be his friend out of fear, or genuine interest in him as an individual?”

John gave her a confused look. “Why would I be afraid of him?” 

“You just said you think he’d break into Jake’s house if you weren’t there.”

“I mean yeah. But that’s pretty extreme, and I’m mostly joking. I don’t think he’d actually do that. I think he’d at most, like, have a crisis on the doorstep. If he’s the kind to have a crisis. I’ve just assumed that’s a Strider thing, since they all bottle their emotions.”

“Hey,” Dave said, offended at John’s completely fair assumption. 

“Regardless of how true that statement is,” Rose ignored Dave’s betrayed gasp, “Dirk can be difficult to get along with. If you want to be his friend, you will have to work at it. No relationship with Dirk is easy.” 

“Yeah! That’s why Jake broke up with him!” 

“Damn, Jade, just drag the elephant into the conversation why don’t you.” Dave leaned in, his face taking up his portion of the screen. “But seriously, bro. Dirk is a lonely dude, so when he makes friends he cares about, he tends to cling to them and hold them super close. Like, choking the air out of close.”

“It’ll be fine, guys. Calm down. He’s just a guy!” John rolled his eyes. “You’re talking about him like he’s some big watchlist threat. What does he even like to do?”

Dave sighed. “Well, if you’re serious about this, I’ll give you the rundown. Basically, he’s a huge nerd. Likes anime, My Little Pony, and puppets. Has a weird obsession with horses. I think he likes movies, but that might just be because Jake was into them. Does that give you anything to work with?”

“Actually,” John said, looking thoughtfully at his pasta sauce. He grinned, getting an idea, and picked up the wooden spoon again to continue stirring. “That does.”

“Cool. Now back to my theory-”

“Oh my gosh Dave shut up about dog people!” 

“Harley, I have to say, I’m surprised. I really thought you’d have my back on that one.”

***

The next time Dirk came knocking on Jake’s door, John was dressed and ready to go. He’d fed Bullseye, made sure to take him on a quick walk, spent some time baby talking Callie, and was ready to get this friendship on the road. He grinned, shoved his feet into his shoes, and opened the door. Dirk gave him a wave. 

“Yo. Jake back yet?”

“Nope, but you’re right on time! Let’s go!” 

He hopped out, locking the door behind him, and headed for Jake’s car. Dirk stared at him from the steps, not moving. Looking back at him, John waved him over. 

“Well, come on!”

Cocking a brow, Dirk slowly stepped over. “What’s happening? Where are we going?”

“We are going to go see a movie!” John unlocked the car, pulling the passenger side open for Dirk before jogging around to the driver side to slip in. “I want to go see it with someone, and everyone else is busy. So I thought, hey, since Dirk is coming by a lot anyways, why not bring him?”

Stooping a bit to look at John, Dirk rested his forearms on the hood of the car. “And you didn’t think to ask before going with this plan?”

John paused. He turned to Dirk and flashed him a big grin. “Hey Dirk, want to go see a movie with me?”

Dirk stared at him for a long, silent moment. Looking back at Jake’s place, he stood with an unreadable expression. Then he shrugged and slipped into the passenger seat. John whooped while he closed the door and put on his seatbelt. 

“So what are we seeing?”

“It’s this new murder mystery called Knives Out. It looks pretty cool and funny, and has the actor that did the sixth James Bond! Isn’t that cool?”

“If you consider a series that was a staple in the toxic tropes of masculinity while thoroughly tiring the secret spy plot in the eye of the public because directors seemed incapable of setting Bond aside, only for them to possibly redeem it in recent years through their new female Bond, cool, then yes. That is pretty, ‘cool’.”

John stared at Dirk. Dirk stared back. John snorted. “Sure, okay. But they’re still pretty fun movies.” 

“Can a movie that doesn’t strive to improve upon or comment on the state of our world be fun?”

“Yes, yes it can, and I think you’re being controversial on purpose. Those movies had a ton to say!” Glancing at the time on the dash, John started the car. “But that’s not the point. We have to go or we’ll be late. You were running a bit behind.”

“Excuse me for being late to something I didn’t know was happening.”

Giggling, John pulled out onto the street, checking the mirrors and using the signal. There was a little voice that sounded like his dad in the back of his head telling him to watch the road. “You are excused!”

The rest of the ride to the theatre was silent. John flicked on the radio, going through the stations until he landed on the alternative rock channel. Dirk stared out the window, while John kept his focus on the road. At least, kept his eyes on the road. His mind was wandering. 

It was kind of silly to be nervous about making a friend, but John was. Especially since his other friends acted like it was a big deal. Which sort of made sense, when he thought about the situation Dirk was in. Jake broke up with him and left. He didn’t think many people could handle that well, and Dirk’s way of dealing with it seemed to include planning how to get back together. Which was fine, everyone reacted differently. But Dirk seemed to have extreme reactions to things not going as planned. 

That was okay, though. John didn’t have room to judge. He didn’t even know the whole situation with Jake and Dirk, so there was no way he could have an opinion on it. And it wasn’t like he was going to bring it up. Part of this whole trip was to get Dirk’s mind off of it, have some fun, without forcing him to. A movie was a pretty passive thing, you could just put it on then walk away to do other things. John thought it might do him some good. 

If it didn’t just remind Dirk of Jake. Looking out the windshield, John’s lips thinned. He hadn’t thought of that before. Dave had said Dirk liked movies, and he had an idea he was excited about. He did vaguely remember Dave saying, after that, ‘but that might just be because Jake was into them’. He might be making a mistake. 

John didn’t just want to remind Dirk of Jake the whole time, that seemed cruel. But he was also really certain that Dirk would like this movie. He’d seen a lot of good reviews, and had made sure to pick a genre Dirk was probably interested in. But even if he liked the movie, he might still end up being reminded of Jake at every turn. 

Adjusting his grip on the wheel, John realized this movie could either go really well or really poorly. He took a breath, gathered his resolve, and pulled into the theatre parking lot. 

While John bought the tickets, he turned to Dirk. “Do you want any snacks? I usually just go for popcorn and a drink.”

“I’ll go for an orange soda, if they have it.”

“Sweet.” He paid for the tickets and took them, heading for the snack bar. “Let’s go get those, then head for the theatre. Oh, by the way, do you have a preferred row? I like to be pretty far up front, but that’s just me.” 

Humming, Dirk stepped in the concession line. “I prefer the middle rows. There’s typically a specific spot where you can hear all the speakers clearly around you, and the screen is front and centre without straining the eyes. Only thing you can’t account for is whatever asshole might sit behind you.” He paused, then shrugged. “But then again, I haven’t been to the theatre much.” 

Blinking, John looked over at him. “You haven’t?”

“Nope. Jake prefered to collect movies and watch them at his place, and I never found many movies playing in theatres that interested me.”

“Huh. Well, hope you like the movie then! Maybe we can find some others you’ll probably like and try those out, too.” 

Dirk raised a brow at him. John smiled back, innocent and carefree. They got to the front of the line, grabbed their drinks and popcorn, then headed for the theatre. John let Dirk pick the seats. He seemed to have a better idea of what seat was good. 

Dirk hovered between a couple seats for a while. John stood back, watching the commercials, letting him pick. There weren’t that many people in the theatre, and no one in the row right behind theirs. He was in no rush. When Dirk did finally sit, John plopped down beside him, offering him some popcorn. Dirk shook his head, and John shrugged, immediately shoving some in his mouth. 

They sat there for a while, watching the commercials and previews. It was nice to know for a fact that going to the movie theatre wasn’t something Dirk and Jake did together, it would suck if John was just putting him through something and he was too polite to say anything about it. 

Peering at Dirk out of the corner of his eye, John tried to pick up anything in his expression. It was carefully neutral. He was a lot better at having a poker face than Dave was. John almost startled when Dirk leaned against the armrest between them and spoke. 

“Why did you actually bring me out here?”

John froze. Chewing slowly, he swallowed, then tried giving Dirk a confused smile. “What do you mean?”

Somehow, Dirk’s expression went from neutral to unimpressed without moving a muscle. “I know for a fact that Dave and Karkat are available until Friday. So either you didn’t bother to ask them to come, or ‘everyone else is busy’ was an excuse.”

John was silent for a moment. “Wow, bringing you to see a murder mystery might have been a mistake. It’s no fun if you figure out who did it halfway through!”

Surprised, Dirk snorted. “I am good at that. Doesn’t answer my question though.”

“Okay, yes, I didn’t actually ask anyone else.” John shrugged. “I just figured you could use some time away? Like, from the sounds of it you’re either at your place, meeting a client, or coming over to check if Jake is back. And that’s been it for about a week. Everyone needs something else to do, so, yknow. Murder mystery movie.” 

“So,” Dirk started, “you made an assumption on my life through the few times you’ve seen me and decided to do something about it?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds rude.” John shrugged. “And Dave kind of filled me in on your life. Vaguely. Nothing personal or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. Or he might have, I don’t know. He just kind of said ‘lonely’ and ‘movies’ and I didn’t hear anything else.” 

“Because you were already coming up with a plan or because you’re a bad listener?” 

“Yes.” 

They stared at each other for a moment. Then Dirk shrugged and sat back in his seat. “At least you’re not giving me unwanted advice. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion on what I should do or how I should be reacting. Unfortunately, none of them are me, and thusly have no say.” 

“I mean, they’re just concerned dude.” John shrugged again. “But I don’t know enough about what’s going on to have an opinion on it. And, it’s your business? I’m not going to butt in on it unless you ask me to. Even if I did know what was going on I don’t think I’d have anything good to say. So basically you’re safe with me! No unwanted advice here!”

Dirk watched him for a moment. There was something clearer about his neutral expression, maybe relieved? It was hard to tell. He hummed, then faced forward as the movie began to play. John took a second longer to do the same. 

***

At the end of the movie, John and Dirk walked out of the theatre. It had been a surprisingly good movie. Not anything John would have picked out for himself, and definitely not what he expected, but it was good nonetheless. He was talking fast the minute it was over, hands waving excitedly. 

“That was so cool! I didn’t see that coming at all. Who would have guessed who the murderer was? I sure didn’t. But I’m really glad it turned out like that. And that chase scene! It was so cool!” 

They walked out into the parking lot and back to the car. While they were getting in, Dirk hummed and gave him the slightest suggestion of a smug smile. “I obviously guessed who it was.” 

“What? No way, there were so many twists!” 

“There were only a limited amount of people who were essential to the plot, after a certain point. If I could correctly guess the plot twists, which I did, I would be able to tell who the killer actually was from about one fourth of the way in. It wasn’t hard.” 

Clicking his seatbelt in place, John narrowed his eyes. “Okay, so you had your suspicions. But there had to be places where you second guessed yourself. There was a lot going on!” 

“Nope. I was certain from the start.” 

John didn’t start driving, just stared Dirk down. After a couple moments, Dirk cracked a small smile. 

“Well, mostly certain.”

“Ha!” 

Dirk snorted. Grinning, John started the car. They talked about the movie the whole way back, John excitedly pointing out the things and characters he liked and Dirk going in depth with it compared to its genre, the tropes it was attempting to live up to, and the overall effect. It was amazing to John how much Dirk knew about cinematography. He even sounded sort of excited, going into depth and picking the movie apart. When John didn’t have much to contribute, the car was filled with Dirk’s confusing yet interesting tangents about the development of film as a whole. 

During a lull in Dirk’s speech, John grinned. “Wow, you really know a lot about this stuff.”

“I’d hope so. I’m sure Dave has told you about our uncle? The one who's a famous director.”

“Yeah, he’s mentioned him a couple times. Mostly just to say ‘this movie is by his company’.” 

“Hm. Well, essentially, he started out doing ironic college films and they picked up traction, until he could make a proper series out of it. Once those became popular enough, he started being able to work his way up the writers and directors ladder until he could make his own film company, which is doing fairly well. He helps other directors, actors, and writers gain their footing and personally advises them on how to make their ideas flourish. The only reason others don’t like him is that he’s eccentric, doesn’t do interviews in any sort of streamlined way, and can be considered opinionated. But that’s everyone else’s problem.” 

Giggling, John glanced at Dirk, then back at the road. “Sounds like you really look up to him.” 

Lips thinning, Dirk looked out the window. Awe, was he embarrassed about having a genuine emotion? John rolled his eyes, but couldn’t keep from grinning. Striders, emotionally constipated yet somehow endearing. 

“By the way, where do you live? I’ll drop you off.”

“Nah, just go back to Jake’s. I’ll walk back.” 

“Dude, no. That’s dumb. Don’t make yourself walk back just because you have this weird mystery thing going on, just let me drop you off.” 

“Well, considering you don’t know where I live, it seems you have no choice but to head back and let me walk home. How convenient for me.” 

Narrowing his eyes, John decided this was an argument for another time. He wagged a finger at Dirk. “I will find out where you live, and I will drop you off one day.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“It’s a prediction.” He paused. “Rose used that on Dave once. It sounded a lot cooler when she said it.” 

Dirk gave him an amused look. Rolling his eyes, John turned on to Jake’s street and parked in the driveway. As he and Dirk stepped out, he took a moment to examine his new soon-to-be friend. He seemed a little more relaxed, wasn’t holding himself so stiffly. Except, as John watched him, he looked back at the house and set his shoulders. He went from shifting from one leg to the other to standing straight, jaw set, almost a fighters stance. John tried not to be too disappointed that the movie distraction only lasted so long. 

He came around the car to stand by Dirk. “Well, I should head inside. Jake’s useless manual says that Bullseye gets lonely. I’ll see you later?”

Dirk looked away from the house. It took him a moment to process John’s words. “Sure. Later.” 

John nodded and gave him a small wave, then turned to head inside. Jumping up the front steps, he fumbled with the keys and unlocked the door. He was about to head in when Dirk called to him again. 

“Hey, John?” 

Looking over, John made a questioning noise. Dirk was on the sidewalk, a little further away. 

“Thanks, for inviting me out.” 

With that, he turned and started heading back home. Grinning, John pushed the door open, having to fend off Bullseye while he got inside and shucked off his shoes. Once he had his hands free, he crouched down and started scratching Bullseye’s neck. Bullseye tried to jump up and lick John’s face, but he turned his face away. As much as he liked his families pets, he wasn’t big on the slobber. He glanced at the door, still open, then back at Bullseye. 

“That was good progress on making a new friend, right?” When Bullseye wiggled and boofed in response, he smiled. “Yeah. I think so too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that the chapters self title with 'chapter x' themselves, but I'm too amused by the 'Chapter X: Chapter X' to stop now. 
> 
> Hope y'all are enjoying so far! And thank you for the support. It really helps me keep my motivation with this project. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and I'll see you next week!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk goes to help feed Caliborn. He and John talk.

It had almost been two weeks since Jake took off. At first, Dirk hadn’t been too worried. Jake got homesick. He thought Jake would come back quickly. But then a couple days went by, then another couple, until he was faced with the fact that Jake would not be back as soon as he wanted. 

It hadn’t really sunk in until John dragged him to the movies how long it had been already. Not until he’d gotten somewhat comfortable around a semi-new person, relaxed to watch a pretty decent flick, and joked around afterwards. Not until he realized that he got along well with John, even if he didn’t want to reveal all his secrets at once. Not until he looked out at Jake’s house and his first thought wasn’t immediately ‘is he back yet’. 

Not until a little voice in the back of his head, from somewhere deep in his subconscious, whispered ‘almost two weeks since he left’. He’d left John a little awkwardly after that. 

He was worried. What if something happened to Jake, and none of them could get a hold of him? Dirk had tried to track Jake’s phone, but Jake had turned it off before his flight and hadn’t bothered to turn it back on yet. When Dirk asked Roxy about it, he’d said he hadn’t heard from Jake yet either. He got a little worried, too, despite trying to be reassuring at the same time. Dirk didn’t know what else he could try, besides flying out and tracking Jake down himself. But that would just be a waste of resources. 

Where the fuck was Jake? Dirk knew for a fact that he was capable and could survive on his own for a long time, but that didn’t mean he was infallible. Dirk didn’t want him to be hurt, but that was a better thought than thinking Jake was moving out to Europe or had found someone new, and was leaving him behind. So he was acting accordingly. 

Dirk was starting to think that maybe the break up was serious. That didn’t mean it couldn’t be undone, it just meant he’d have to put a lot more effort into it than he initially planned. Effort that might backfire, in the end. 

It was hard to think about. They’d been together for seven years, friends for five before that. Jake was his constant. He just wanted Jake to stay his constant, and for everything to go back to the way it was. Which included making up with Jane, who would need twice the effort getting Jake back required. Everything was just… messy. And he didn’t like this kind of messy. 

He’d spent too much time sitting alone, staring at the ceiling, wondering if history was repeating itself. If he was taking complete control again, if he and Jane’s strained relationship would turn out like how he and Roxy did the first time the four of them fought, if things would go to shit and it’d take months to recover and regroup. The situation wasn’t the same, but he could feel his anxieties holding a knife to his throat no matter how much logic he used. 

Maybe Roxy was right. Maybe he was doing that thing again, where he assumed what was best for others. Maybe Jake was done, for good. But as long as he had a chance, he wanted to try holding on to what they had. He couldn’t afford to lose it. Not yet. 

Among everything that was happening, at least he was developing a new routine. Once every two days, he went to check if Jake was back and chat with John. It was at least nice to have something that forced him out of the house and interacting, so he could limit his wallowing. If there was nothing to be done now, then he’d plan carefully for when he could do something later. In the meantime, he’d go check the house and feed Caliborn. 

Dirk could tell Jake wasn’t back as he approached, mostly because he could see John around the side squinting at the pumpkins. As he walked closer, John lifted his head and looked over. His face immediately brightened and he waved. Awkwardly, Dirk waved back. John took one last glance at the pumpkins, apparently decided he’d deal with them later, and came around to meet Dirk at the walkway up to the front door. 

“Hey Dirk! Jake’s not back yet.”

“Sup, I could tell. What are you doing?”

“Trying to figure out how to water the pumpkins. Jade said an inch once a week but I don’t know what that means? I’ve tried a couple times but I don’t think it’s right. So I’m going to just say enough wrong things about what I’ll do to them so that Jade comes and does it for me.” 

Dirk- unsuccessfully- tried to turn his laugh into a cough. That sounded dumb enough to actually work. John shot him a big grin- wider and more toothy than Jake’s, with something much more carefree about it- and waved him forwards. Dirk followed him to the front door.

“Come on, I fed Callie before you got here so Caliborn’s the only one left. And he’s been getting extra cranky.”

“Has he tried to escape?”

“Constantly. Last time I looked at the tank, he was just pressed against the lid.” 

“Sounds like him.” 

When John opened the door, Bullseye tried to make a run for it. Dirk nudged him back inside, putting up with the jumping and excited barks. He spared Bullseye a pat on the head, took his shoes off, then followed John deeper into the house. 

Leading him back to the snakes, John waved him in first. “I’ll grab the frozen rat if you get him to calm down.”

Nodding, Dirk stepped into the laundry room. Just like John said, Caliborn was pressed to the top of his tank, hissing. Calliope was curled up on her heating rock in her own tank, watching her brother with what Dirk liked to imagine was a disappointed look. When Caliborn spotted him, he stopped hissing and wriggled down to the bottom of the tank. Rolling his eyes, Dirk slid the top aside and put a hand in. Caliborn slithered up into his hand, winding around his wrist and squeezing not so lightly. Once Caliborn was comfortable, he lifted his and out. 

“Hey, little shit,” He greeted. Caliborn hissed again. 

When Jake had first gotten the snakes, as tiny things, Caliborn had been next to impossible to bond with. Dirk had come over everyday for months just to sit down with Jake and get Caliborn used to them. Calliope hadn’t needed any of that, she was a sweetheart right off the bat. But Caliborn needed a lot more. The first time he’d willingly curled up in Jake’s hand, Jake had cried like a baby. But he’d always seemed to like Dirk more. 

Reaching his thumb, Dirk gave Caliborn a scratch under the chin. If Jake was serious about the break up, then he wouldn’t be able to see Caliborn as often. Or maybe at all. Who knew what kind of monster Caliborn would turn into if he didn’t have Dirk to bitch him back in place? 

His depressing internal monologue was interrupted when John came in, dead rat held by the tongs, aloft. He started to say, “Okay, here we,” but stopped when he saw Dirk holding Caliborn. He stared, tongs lowering. Dirk raised a brow. “...You can take them out?”

“Well, you can’t, when it comes to Caliborn. I can, because I helped raise his ass. Never once demanded rent, chores, anything. He’s lived in the lap of luxury, and all he does is hiss and storm off to his room.”

Giggling, John offered him the tongs. “Teenagers, am I right?”

“Incredibly.”

Taking the tongs, Dirk dropped the rat in the tank before sticking his hand in. As soon as Caliborn saw the wiggling dead rodent, he slithered until he was coiled in Dirk’s palm. Then, he lunged, and sunk his teeth deep in it’s fur. Dirk took back his hands while John resecurred the top. 

“No offense, but your son is a gremlin. Also, can I hold Callie? She seems like such a sweetie but I don’t know how to hold snakes.” 

“None taken, he is absolutely a gremlin in a snakes skin.” 

Stepping over to Callie’s tank, he slipped the top off. Callie looked up at him sleepily, her tongue darting out to see what he was up to. Reaching down, Dirk smoothed a finger over her scales before gently picking her up. She moved a little, then settled, her tail hanging out of his hand. Turning the John, Dirk motioned him closer. John did so. 

“Hold out your hands. She’ll need a bit to get used to you, so cup them and try not to jostle her. She’ll let you know when she’s ready to accept you.” 

With a nervous glance at Caliborn, who was going to town on the rat, John took a visible gulp. He cupped his hands and held them out, eyes wide and nervous. Dirk rolled his eyes, then gently placed Callie in his palms. She wiggled, slithered a bit, and looked up at John. After a moment assessing him, she stuck her tongue out at him and brushed it over his thumb. John looked at Dirk. 

“Uuuh, Is that good? She’s not going to try eating me, right?”

“Yes, that is good. And she wouldn’t try to eat you regardless. Unlike her dumb brother, she knows she would never be able to eat a human.”

John did not look reassured, even as Callie wound up his arm. In fact, he looked particularly nervous about the fact that she was crawling up his arm. Reaching over, Dirk took Callie back, cracking a smile at the breath John let out. It seemed weird to be nervous about a snake that couldn’t, and wouldn’t, hurt him. But everyone had their thing. 

“Thanks. Don’t think I’m ready for snakes, leave them on the plane, thank you. I’ll stick with Bullseye.” 

Dirk closed his eyes. John was staring at him with an expectant grin, waiting for him to get the joke. Turning, Dirk put Callie back in her tank.

“.....Get it? Cause of-”

“I got it, I was just ignoring it.” 

“Rude.” 

Stepping back beside John, Dirk watched the snakes. John did the same, still at first, then shifting from foot to foot rhythmically. He seemed alright in silence, just fidgety. Dirk watched him out of the corner of his eye for a moment, then looked away again. 

Weirdly enough, despite John’s fidgety nature and how Caliborn was trying to hiss at his sister around the rat he had shoved halfway in his mouth, Dirk felt calm. He found it easy to relax around John. Whether that was because John had told him upfront that he didn’t want to pry or judge, or because his expressions and behaviours were incredibly open and welcoming, or because of something else entirely, Dirk couldn’t say. A lot was happening, so it made sense that he was taking solace in someone entirely disconnected from everything. 

For a moment, Dirk thought of Jane. He frowned. At a time, he would have said Jane was his disconnected source of comfort. But he knew that could never be true. They both had feelings for Jake since they were thirteen. And despite the betrayal he felt whenever he thought of her now, he couldn’t entirely blame her for how she acted, if Jake was serious about everything. She might not have even brought up breaking up, just given Jake advice and he’d come to that conclusion on his own. Dirk might have snapped at her for something she hadn’t even done. It’s not like he gave her time to explain herself. 

Sighing heavily out his nose, Dirk turned to John. John looked back, blinking curiously. Dirk paused, sighed again, then spoke. 

“Would you happen to know the best way to apologize to Jane?”

John’s eyebrows shot up. “Uuuh, depends. Is it a ‘I pulled a prank that went a little too far’ apology or a ‘you might still bring this up at get togethers and obviously be bitter about it even if you say you aren’t’ apology?”

“The second one.”

Sucking air between his teeth, John’s expression scrunched. “I think you just have to carry the guilt until you die.” 

“I don’t have that kind of time, I’m going to discover the cure to mortality. Try again.” 

John gave him an amused grin. “You sound like an angsty middle schooler. Would this cure happen to include getting bitten by a hot man of the night?”

“No, you’re thinking of Rose. I’m going to plant my consciousness into a fully functioning android with my uncanny likeness.” 

“Oh, of course. My mistake.” John’s grin faded in thought. “But for real, what Jane needs is a genuine heart to heart. If you just talk to her, and maybe grovel a little and offer to be her kitchen assistant, it should be fine.” 

Dirk wasn’t so sure about that. Seeing his hesitation, John cocked his head a little. Dirk frowned. John nudged him, shoulder to shoulder, a silent ask that Dirk could pull out of without making him feel bad. Sighing, yet again, Dirk looked at the ceiling. 

“I found out she helped Jake come to the conclusion that he should break up with me, called her a bitch, and heavily implied she slept around.” 

Even out of the corner of his eye, Dirk could see how wide John’s expression went. His jaw dropped, eyebrows high, eyes wide. Closing his eyes, Dirk waited for the judgement. 

“Oh man. Yeah, you’ll carry that guilt to your grave, because she’s going to kill you.”

“I know.”

“You’ll need to bring something to get her to even be willing to listen to you. I wish you the best of luck, man, because your android plan won’t have a chance in the face of her wrath.”

Snorting, Dirk looked at John. He still looked pretty shocked, but wasn’t accusing him of anything. It didn’t even look like he was judging Dirk, just processing and accepting the information he was presented. Before Dirk could think about it, his mouth was opening. 

“Thanks for not acting like I committed a crime.” 

“Dude, I don’t have to. Jane’s going to do all of that.” He shrugged. “And I mean, you were just asking me how to apologize, so you obviously know you went too far and said the wrong thing. It’d just be dickish of me to rub that in.” 

“Hm.” Dirk could appreciate that. “Well, I should get going. I’ve got a client that wanted to meet up later.”

“Oh, wait!” John shoved his hand into his pocket. “Give me your phone!”

Watching him pull his own phone out, Dirk cocked a brow. “Why?”

“Well, since you’re coming by so often just to check if Jake is here, I figured I could just give you my number and you could text me whenever you wanted to know. It’ll free up some time, it sounds like you’re busy a lot. And that way you can tell me when you’re coming over to help me feed Caliborn, too.”

Dirk paused. He knew, realistically, John was just suggesting that because it would make things easier. But he couldn’t help but listen to a little voice in the back of his mind that whispered John was trying to get rid of him. He was inconveniencing John by visiting so often, he read the situation wrong, he should get out of his hair. 

Taking a grounding breath, Dirk pulled out his phone, went into contacts, and handed it to John. John did the same, new contact open and ready for him. Dirk typed his name and number in, and looked up. John was holding Dirk’s phone at a distance, twisting this way and that and making weird faces. Dirk blinked. 

“...What are you doing?”

“Trying to find a good angle. Man, Dave’s way better at this than I am.” Taking a picture, he brought the phone close and squinted at it. “Eh, that’ll to. Here you go!”

Handing Dirk his phone, John took his own back. Dirk looked at the picture John deemed usable. It was John, doing his best impression of what Dirk assumed was a smoulder. It came across incredibly dorky, especially with the way the wires of John’s glasses interrupted his eyes. Snorting, Dirk smiled a little at it. It was incredibly John. 

Almost immediately, his phone buzzed with a new message. It was from John. Raising a brow, Dirk opened it. The message simply read: :B. Dirk raised a hand to his face, partially out of disappointment and partially to hide the dumb way the corners of his mouth lifted. When he looked back up at John, he was grinning right at Dirk. 

“Hey, can I send you my class schedule? It’s not that important, but I don’t want you to show up while I’m in class.”

“Fair.” Dirk shrugged. “Go for it.”

Smiling again, John looked down and started messing with his phone. A couple minutes later, Dirk got another message from him. He clicked on the picture, saving it to his photos while also going over it. His brows drew together. 

“Why do you have a second year biology course on here?” 

“I can’t get my degree doing only English classes. I thought it would be fun.”

“Is it?”

“Eeeeeh.” John made a so and so motion with his hand. 

Humming, Dirk nodded. He shoved his phone back in his pocket. “I’ll be sure to message you, then.” 

“Nice!” 

John walked him back to the front door. Stepping back into his shoes, Dirk patted Bullseye farewell and gave John a salute. “Later.” 

John waved, and he left. Glancing quickly at the time, he discovered he had half an hour before he needed to meet with his client. He could take his time getting there. 

Looking back at the house, Dirk thought. While his anxieties were telling him John wasn’t all that jazzed to hang out with him, and the movie had been an attempt to get him to cheer up so he would stop visiting, his logical brain begged to differ. John didn’t seem to have a malicious bone in his body. He did things genuinely, so if he was offering his number to Dirk, he was probably thinking of minimizing the time it took up for Dirk as he’d suggested. It was hard to remember, sometimes, that people did things for the benefit of others. 

He found it ironic that he could easily read and dismiss his worries about someone he didn’t know that well, but when it came to Jake he couldn’t come to a solid conclusion on the truth. It was never easy to tell what the truth was with Jake. He bottled things up, purposefully ignored other things, and seemed to convince himself more than others of things that weren’t true about himself. That’s why Dirk knew Jake better than he did. He knew what he was like, and knew how to help him make decisions. Helped him figure out what he actually wanted. 

Maybe Dirk was mixing up his wants with his knowledge of Jake. It was very possible he thought Jake didn’t actually want to break up, because he himself didn’t want to break up. 

Mouth twisting, Dirk ducked his head as he walked. He didn’t like to think like that, because if he accepted it as fact, he’d have to start mourning his relationship. Dirk didn’t like to feel strong emotions like pain or anger, they were distracting and biased. It was easier if he and Jake never left each other. It was familiar. Dirk knew where he stood, and he didn’t have to expose himself to any emotional strain. He’d prefer to keep it that way. 

Even as he thought that, and even as he convinced himself yet again that he knew best, Dirk felt something in him already begin to mourn. He closed his eyes, shoved it as far deep into himself as possible, and went to meet up with his client. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of posting this, I am in the middle of writing chapter 11. Y'all don't know how hard it is to not rush the updates, but it is fantastic to have a backlog, lol. 
> 
> Thank you for the support! You're all very sweet, and I love hearing from you. I hope you continue to enjoy. Take care of yourselves, and I will see you next week!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John learns some new information, and decides it would be best to tell Dirk over a couple movies.

The next couple of days went by in a blur for John. Between classes, a promised dinner with his dad, and his friends calling unexpectedly, it felt like he blinked and the week was gone. Sitting on the floor near the television, going through Jake’s collection (and lamenting the lack of Nic Cage movies), he finally thought to look at what day it was. When his phone told him it was Friday, it felt like his brain had to reboot. 

It was even crazier to think that Jake had been gone almost three weeks. It seemed like a long time to be away. John hadn’t heard from him since he left, which was a little worrying once he thought about it. Jake was the type to call his family every week, just to check in. This was the longest John had ever gone without hearing from his weird, adventurous cousin. 

Frowning, John pulled his phone up. He tried calling Jake’s number, but it went straight to voicemail. He suspected it would, but he wanted to try anyways. 

Thinking for a moment, he called Jade. If Jake was going to call someone, it would most likely be her. After a couple rings, she picked up. 

“Hey John! How are the pumpkins doing?” 

“Alright, after you showed me how to water them. I’ve been doing it properly. I think. But that’s not why I’m calling.” John shuffled until his back was pressed to the coffee table. “Have you heard from Jake? It’s been, like, three weeks since he left and I haven’t heard anything from him since.” 

There was a pause. “Well, actually. He did send me a postcard. It arrived a couple days ago.” 

“What! And you didn’t tell me?”

“It said specifically not to tell anyone who might tell Dirk! And you’ve been hanging out with Dirk for a while John. We both know you can’t keep a secret!” 

John stared incredulously at the TV. “Why would he do that? Dirk’s really worried, Jade! That’s just mean.”

“It’s not like their break up is clean and easy. And I can’t just ask him for an explanation, he sent a postcard from Albania, and his phone is off. From what I know, Jake just needs the time away. And he wants Dirk to have time away, too. Dirk’s never been the most rational person!”

Frowning, John thought about that for a moment. Dirk  _ was _ checking in often to see if Jake was back. John wouldn’t be surprised if Dirk tried to fly out to get Jake back, the way Dave talked about him sometimes made it seem like Dirk was very dramatic. 

But that still didn’t make it any less mean. If not to Dirk, then for the rest of their friends. Jake wasn’t trusting them, and he wasn’t explaining himself well. Or at all, really, because he was in Europe with his phone turned off. If he didn’t want Dirk to know where he was, that was fine. But everyone, including Dirk, needed to know that he was okay and not dead in a European ditch somewhere. 

“I get that, but Roxy and Jane are probably worried about him, too. You at least need to tell everyone that he got in contact with you and he’s safe. Just because he asked you not to doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.”

There was another pause. Then, Jade sighed. “Yeah, okay. I can do that.”

“Thanks, Jade.” 

“Yeah.” There was a shuffling on her end. “I feel like I should tell you that he kind of said he forgot to get a return plane.”

John closed his eyes. Of course Jake had. “Did he say what he was going to do about that?”

“He’s taking it as an opportunity to explore a lot more of Europe. He was just going to do the bigger cities and tourist attractions, but now he’s going to explore old ruins and check out the myths and cultures. His postcard sounded really exciting!”

“He fit all of that on a postcard?”

“Well, he stapled a letter to it. But it’s basically just more postcard.” 

John giggled a little. He looked back at Jake’s movie collection. It was a little sad that Jake would be gone for so long, and that all his movies would go unwatched. And Bullseye and the snakes probably missed him, too. Looking over at Bullseye, curled up on the couch, he hoped Jake would come back soon. “Did Jake say anything else?”

“Not really. Just that he’s really enjoying himself, and he misses us.”

“Okay. I’m going to tell Dirk that Jake is okay, by the way. He deserves to know that.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair. I’ll call the others and let them know. Bye, John!”

“See you.” 

He hung up. Sitting there for a moment, silent, he tried to think of the best way to break to Dirk that Jake was very specifically avoiding him. Well, maybe he shouldn’t say that. Just that Jade got a postcard from Jake and he was okay. And forgot to buy a return ticket, because Jake wasn’t the smartest guy sometimes. No matter what, it wasn’t going to be the best news to give or receive. 

Sighing, John opened his messages with Dirk. He knew just hearing stuff from a text wasn’t ideal, but he didn’t know if Dirk and him were at the friendship level where they could call each other out of the blue. That kind of thing took years to foster. He looked at his phone, prepared to start typing, then stopped. 

All of the messages they had so far were just ‘is Jake back’ and different ways of saying ‘no, sorry’. John was no expert, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t very good if he wanted to be friends with Dirk. There were no casual chats, no memes, nothing. It was a little depressing to look at, actually. 

John knew he was busy, but busy enough to ignore his budding friendship? That would not stand. Glancing at the TV, he figured he could multitask hanging out with Dirk and giving him the news on Jake. He quickly sent Dirk a message.

EB: hey! are you free tomorrow?   


***

When the next morning rolled around, John was weirdly nervous. He wasn’t completely sure about his plan, since it mostly involved sitting in Jake’s house watching movies. That’s what Dirk said he and Jake normally did. But he would be dropping news about how Jake was doing, so maybe it was fitting? He didn’t know. All he knew was that Dirk was coming over, they were going to watch a bunch of Nic Cage movies that John grabbed from his own collection and brought over, and some time during that John was going to tell Dirk about Jake. He just hoped the Nic Cage movies were distracting enough that it wouldn’t hit Dirk all at once. 

The breakup was really messy. From what John was able to parse, Dirk really wanted to get back together but Jake didn’t. Or he was thinking about it, out in Europe. He kind of didn’t want to be the one who told Dirk about this, but he didn’t think it would be great for anyone else to do it. Dirk had said other people were trying to give him advice, and while it was all well intentioned, Dirk didn’t seem ready to listen. So if he left it up to anyone else, they might try to say things Dirk wasn’t ready for. 

It felt weird, being so conscious and careful of someone else’s feelings. In John’s teens, he was hardly aware of what was happening around him, let alone in his friend groups. But he was really paying attention to Dirk. He didn’t know if that meant if he was getting better at reading people or if he was just good at reading Dirk. 

John tried to set everything up to be as comfortable as possible. A lot of pillows and blankets on the couch, popcorn and orange soda ready to go, Nic Cage movies stacked beside the DVD player. He’d tried to clear the coffee table of Jake’s random niknaks as much as possible. But as he didn’t want to mess with Jake’s place too much, he ran out of stuff to do quick. Then all he could do was wait. 

There was a knock on the door around eleven. Taking a breath, John went over and answered. He grinned at Dirk, standing there in his usual dumb ripped jeans and a hoodie over a tank. He still couldn’t see Dirk’s eyes past his anime shades. 

“Hey, Dirk! Come on in!”

Stepping aside, John let Dirk in. He toed his shoes off, said hi to Bullseye, then turned to him. 

“So. Movie night, before it’s night. What’s the lineup?”

“Nic Cage, Nic Cage, and Nic Cage.” John grinned. “Everything from Con Air to National Treasure to Leaving Las Vegas.”

Dirk stared at him. “Is your taste just as trash as Jake’s?”

“Actually, anyone who knows both of us says mine is marginally better because I either like, in their words, ‘really bad movies or really good movies’. Jake likes everything, so he automatically has worse taste than me.” 

Dirk snorted. Walking into the living room, he looked at the pile of movies to the pile of blankets. He looked back at John. “Are you planning on kidnapping me for the whole weekend?”

“No, just for most of it.” John followed him in. “There’s orange soda in the fridge and popcorn ready to go. Which one do you want to start with?”

Dirk stared at him for a moment longer. His shoulders slumped. “...Do you have Wicker Man?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Let’s start from the bottom and work our way up. Wicker Man and Ghostrider, then end with Leaving Las Vegas and Raising Arizona. I’ll need to wash down the dumbest of his flicks with the slightly less dumb.”

“Hey! Ghostrider is a classic!”

“It’s bottom of the barrel stuff, Egbert. Throw it in.” 

John stuck his tongue out, then turned to do so. It took a little digging, but he found Ghostrider and slipped it into the player while Dirk went to grab the orange soda he was promised. While John was fiddling with the settings, he smelled one of the popcorn bags in the microwave and grinned. He went to sit on the couch and wait for Dirk. 

Coming into the living room a couple minutes later, Dirk dropped the bag of popcorn in John’s lap and went to the other side. He sat, cracked his fanta open, and took a sip. After a moment, he nodded to John. 

“Hit it. I’m ready for whatever you throw at me.” 

“Cool! Let’s go!” 

John hit start, a big grin on his face. The movie loaded up. On screen, the Marvel logo flicked to life, caught fire, and the screen faded to black. A moon faded in, and a narration began. 

“ _ It’s said that the West was built on legends, tall tales that help us make sense of things too great or too terrifying to believe. This is the legend of the Ghostrider. _ ” 

“Jesus Christ,” Dirk muttered, sounding like he was already regretting this. John shushed him, absorbed in the film and ready to go on a ride. 

***

Several movies later, John was no closer to telling Dirk about Jake and Dirk had somehow exhausted his backlog of movie knowledge which lead to random topics John couldn’t follow. It went on for so long that when Dirk finally ran out of stuff to say the movie didn’t seem loud enough. 

John tried to enjoy the movies, but he kept remembering what he was supposed to do and glancing over at Dirk. He should do it soon. But after the movie, right? No use interrupting a fun one for the drama. Except when one finished, he’d immediately stand to put the new one in, and had yet to do anything about it. 

It always seemed like a bad time. But that’s how it would always seem. If someone was feeling good or bad, it would always seem like it wasn’t the right time. So he should just do it. 

Except they were watching Face-Off, and it was a good part. It would be a shame to ruin the mood, since Dirk was quietly enjoying the movie and things were pretty okay. So, later. 

Dirk suddenly turned to him, face stonily neutral. He had a hand on a pillow, gripping it weirdly tight, the other hand on the armrest like he was going to get up and leave at any second. Eyes wide, John watched him. Dirk’s mouth was thin. 

“John,” he began, seriously, “if we watch one more Nicolas Cage movie I will smother you with this pillow. Give me the remote.” 

“What?” Blinking, it took a few moments for Dirk’s demand to sink in. Once it did, he snatched the hunk of plastic off of the coffee table and held it protectively to his chest. “Dude, no. This is a good one!”

“You’ve said that about every single movie you’ve put on so far. Your judgement is clouded and you are compromised by your boner for this one fucking actor.” His muscles all tensed, like a feline getting ready to pounce. “I am not kidding, John, I will kill you.”

“Come on man, let’s at least finish this one! It’s not that bad. Maybe if you let yourself enjoy things you’d discover a whole new world of possibilities. Like having Nic Cage’s sweet acting all up in your life!” 

“Give. Me. The. Remote.” 

“No.”

“John.” 

John said nothing, just held the remote close. Even with Dirk’s shades on, John could tell they were meeting eyes. The atmosphere had that kind of tension. It felt like an intense eye close up, the ones right before the shoot off or the action scenes in old movies. Then, almost at the exact same time, John bolted and Dirk lunged. 

Barely able to dodge Dirk, John raced through the door to the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway that led to the front door, eyes darting between the doorway to the living room and the doorway from the entrance to the living room. Dirk could come through either, and he had to be ready to run.

Just to rub it in, John pressed the volume button, and Face-Off got louder and louder. Dirk appeared in the doorway to the hall. They stared at each other. As soon as Dirk even twitched in his direction, John took off for the other door and had to backtrack when Dirk came running at him that way. They tore around the corners in circles, John running out of breath quickly from giggling, slapping a hand over any corner he was rounding so he could whip around it quicker. Every time he passed the TV, he turned the volume up one notch, until the sounds of Nicolas Cage’s line deliveries and gunshots bounced off the walls. Dirk was shouting something at him, but he could barely hear it over the TV and his own laughter. 

Dirk caught up to him quickly. He snatched the back of John’s t-shirt and yanked him to a halt, reaching over his shoulder for the remote. John planted a hand on Dirk’s face to shove him away, keeping the remote as far and high as possible. He tried to squirm away, but Dirk slipped his fingers into John’s jeans front belt loops and twisted him around to try at a better angle, actually  _ jumping  _ to try getting at the remote. Leaning back, John laughed and held it at the tips of his fingers. He didn’t really care about the movie anymore, it was more about the principal of things now. 

“John for the love of fuck give me that remote!”

“Never!” 

John took a step back to try getting away, one hand in the air, the other on Dirk’s chest to try getting  _ him _ away, and his heel met Bullseye. 

Bullseye yelped and took off, further upsetting John’s balance. John started tipping backwards, having a single moment of  _ oh shit  _ and bunching Dirk’s shirt in his hand to try steadying himself. Instead, as Dirk was leaning over him heavily to get to the remote, they both went crashing to the ground. 

“Fuck!” 

John landed on his back, forehead smacking into Dirk’s as they landed. Dirk’s forearm braced in John’s gut and John’s knee connected with Dirk’s hip. The remote went skittering across the floor. They groaned, hands going to wherever hurt most. Getting his limbs under himself, Dirk lifted off of John. John could see the way his muscles worked, as he’d taken his hoodie off somewhere between Con Air and National Treasure. He gave John a look. It took John a moment to realize Dirk’s glasses had fallen off somewhere in their flailing limbs and hovering above him were a couple of extremely orange peepers. 

Blinking, John’s chest did a weird thing. Dirk’s hair was messed up, his shades were off, and he had way more freckles than John thought he did. Not that John had really looked at Dirk’s face before. But now that he didn’t have much choice, he took in the crooked nose, thick lashes, and expressive eyes. Eyes that were most certainly saying “what the fuck, Egbert”. They were really the most expressive part of his face. It was easy to understand why Dirk kept them covered, when they told John every emotion Dirk was feeling. Including mild irritation and a lot of amusement. It wasn’t what John was expecting, but it fit him. 

And John had to admit, Dirk had a really pretty face. 

“Well done, Egbert. You’ve managed to injure both of us because you couldn’t give me one piece of plastic. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” 

It took a moment for John to respond, blinking back into reality. Wow, the TV was a lot louder than he thought it had been. He gave Dirk a big, unrepenting grin. “Pretty sure that means I win!” 

Dirk’s expression flickered. His eyes scanned John’s face, flitting over it quickly. Then he snorted, placed a hand on John’s forehead and used him to get back up. He ignored John’s shout of protest. Snatching up his shades from the floor, he slipped them on and stood. 

“Seeing as I’m about to take two steps and grab the remote, I’d say not. Good effort, though.” 

Rolling onto his stomach, John pushed up. “You sure about that?”

Stooping to grab it, Dirk glanced over to give him a raised brow. Grinning, John thumbed over at the TV. The credits were rolling, the closing music blasting. Straightening, Dirk looked at it, silent for a moment. 

“...Well, shit.” 

Laughing, John got to his feet. He dropped himself back onto the couch, out of breath. “I win.”

“Well.” Dirk stepped over to the player, stopping the movie and ejecting the disk. “Considering I now have control over what we watch next, I’d say it’s a small victory. You won the battle, but you haven’t won the war.” 

Rolling his eyes, John watched Dirk shove aside his pile of Nic Cage flicks and start sorting through Jake’s collection. Dirk’s movements were confident and casual at first, but as he looked over the movies, they slowed. He pulled out Avatar and just held it, staring. 

Wincing, John realized maybe letting Dirk over there wasn’t such a great idea. But if he was looking over Jake’s movies and thinking about him anyways, wouldn’t it be a good time to tell Dirk about the postcard? Sighing, John stood, walked over, and sat on the ground next to Dirk’s crouched form. He was silent for a moment, figuring out how to phrase it. 

“...Hey,” He nudged Dirk with his elbow, “I… kind of didn’t ask you to come over just for the movies. I mean, I like hanging out with you, don’t get me wrong. It’s actually pretty fun! But, I also did it because I got an update.” He looked down, fidgeting with his fingers. “About Jake.” 

Dirk froze. Silent and still, he didn’t put the movie down or turn to look at John. There was no reaction at all. John let the silence linger for a while, giving Dirk room to process and respond if he wanted, before continuing. 

“Jade got a postcard from Alberia with a letter attached. Basically, Jake’s okay. He forgot to get a return ticket, which is why it’s taking him so long, but he’s also just having fun exploring Europe. He doesn’t know when he’ll be back, and he didn’t say where he’d be heading. I don’t think he’s still in Alberia though, I think it takes a while for mail to get here from there. But from the way Jade talked about Jake’s letter, she made it sound like he was having a lot of fun and was really excited to go and see what he could.” 

Dirk was quiet. Slowly, he slid Avatar back on its shelf. He stayed crouched for a while after that, staring at the movies. Carefully, John reached over and put his hand on Dirk’s shoulder. 

“Dirk? Are you okay?” 

Shrugging John’s hand off, Dirk stood. When he spoke, it was in a mutter. “I should head home.” 

“Oh.” John stood, too. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Dirk headed for the hall, snatching his hoodie off of the couch armrest. He pulled it on as he shoved his feet back into his shoes. 

John’s chest squeezed. Breathing deep, he walked over to the doorway and watched Dirk get himself sorted. Bullseye came up beside him to watch, too. When Dirk looked back over at him, John gave him his best smile. 

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later, then.” 

Dirk hummed. He opened the door and paused. Finding nothing to say, he saluted without looking and walked out, closing the door behind him. Sighing, John looked down at Bullseye. Bullseye looked between him and the door, making weird noises and shifting his paws. Crouching, John gave him a pat. 

He didn’t know if he regretted saying anything or not. Dirk deserved to know, but it felt like he’d closed an argument or shut the book on something without knowing. It was hard to feel good about that decision when it obviously caused Dirk distress. 

Looking back into the living room with scattered blankets, a half finished pile of Nic Cage movies, orange soda cans and crumpled popcorn bags, John wondered if he was up to cleaning tonight. He hadn’t been planning on it- he’d wanted to go until one AM then crash on the couch- but it was only about nine. He could tidy up then go to bed. 

He went over to gather all his DVD’s. The next thing he knew, he was putting a new movie in and pressing play. Well, he could always go with his original plan, just alone. Backing up to the couch, John dropped into it and got comfortable. He didn’t feel great right now, and Nic Cage always knew how to make him feel better. 

He just hoped this didn’t make Dirk want to stop hanging out with him. 

Getting settled, he whistled for Bullseye, who jumped up and settled in his lap. He curled up with him, then turned his attention as the first, eery notes of Lord of War started playing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)))
> 
> (I don't know how to use the hs skins in ao3 so any coloured text I have in the document I write the story in isn't translating, anyone who has advice for that I would deeply appreciate it. I'm sammy-witch-of-heart on tumblr if you'd rather reach out to me there!) 
> 
> Thank you for all your support! All the comments and kudos mean a lot to me. I've officially finished writing this story, but updates will still only be once on Saturdays. But rest assured that it is done, and you will see the last chapter! Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and I will see you next week!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk has a bit of a breakdown. Then he distracts himself from his breakdown with knowledge. And John.

Dirk turned off his phone for a couple days. He set it aside, locked his door, went to his workshop, and worked on and off of projects without rest. He didn’t know how to process what John told him, or the implications of it. So he did what he did best. He isolated himself, then pushed himself until he literally couldn’t think and fell into a dreamless sleep right at his desk. 

He knew it was an ass thing to do to his friends and family. He knew the way he left John was sudden and douchey. He knew all of this, thought of it often, then still did nothing about it. It fed into the loathing he felt in his chest, eating away at anything he tried to patch it up with. He knew he was hurting the people he knew by doing this, and yet he still did it. He was well past the stage where he’d call himself sick, disgusting, abhorrent, manipulative, etcetera. There was nothing left to accuse himself of. He just felt gross and tired, and stewed in it by not taking a shower or letting his body rest. 

He tried not to think about what John had said, but in quiet moments where his hands weren’t busy enough and his music wasn’t loud enough, he’d think about it.  _ ‘He was having a lot of fun’.  _ It was so selfish to wish that Jake would be miserable in Europe. To realize he wasn’t happy there and come back to Dirk. To have his fill of adventure, then slot himself right into the space he’d left, and be content to stay there. But he wouldn’t want to settle for Dirk after he saw what the world at large had to offer.

Dirk felt stupid. Of course it wouldn’t happen, nothing would work out so perfectly for him. Jake broke up with him- really broke up with him- and wasn’t going to come back. Not for Dirk. If he came back, it would be because he missed his family, missed his home, missed his pets. Dirk would bet Jake didn’t miss him at all. 

The third time Dirk couldn’t get a project together, too exhausted to make his brain or his hands work properly, he put it down and finally cried. He cried, pretending to not know if it was from the break up, exhaustion, or frustration. He crossed his arms on his desk, dropped his forehead on them to hide his face from himself, and cried until he passed out. 

When he woke up, and he turned on his phone, it was Tuesday. There were a bunch of missed messages he didn’t want to deal with immediately. Instead, he stood, peeled off his sweaty and greasy clothes, dropped his shades on the nearest flat surface, and went to take a five hour shower. It was cut short when he ran out of hot water. 

Clean, dressed, and regretting his sleeping position, Dirk finally dared to look at the messages he’d missed. Most of them were from Roxy and Dave, worried and wondering where he was. There was a couple from Rose, recommending him a new series she’d been reading and thought he’d enjoy. Some from Hal and Karkat, both telling him to respond to their respective partners, both threatening different levels of bodily or psychological damage. Nothing from Jane. 

Sighing, Dirk sent a quick message to both Roxy and Dave to apologize for ghosting them and explain that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about why. He added a quick tangent about soul searching and the beliefs of isolated monks to cover his tracks. Rose never expected an answer to anything she sent, so Dirk didn’t. He stared at Jane’s contact information for a long moment, thumb hovering over her name, before he scrolled away. He would talk to her soon. Just not today. Not right now. 

He almost missed that he got a message from John, in the notification dump. Pressing his lips thin, Dirk debated leaving it for later. He hadn’t left nicely, or with any explanation, and then hadn’t responded for days. He would understand if John was messaging him to chew him out and tell Dirk he didn’t want him to come by anymore. 

But maybe that was all the more reason to bite the bullet. He was already pretty fucking low, it wasn’t like he could get much lower. He should just read it and deal with the consequences of his own fucked up way of dealing with his emotions. 

Sighing, he opened the messages. He scrolled up to the first ones sent, which weren’t too far back, and started reading. 

EB: hey dirk! i haven’t heard from you since the movie night, so i just wanted to check in.   


EB: it’s cool if you don’t want to talk yet, i get it. i did kind of drop a bomb on you there. sorry, by the way.   


EB: i guess you’re not there. i’ll catch you some other time.   


**___**

EB: dave says you’re ghosting him too? which makes me think the thing i said was actually a really big deal.   


EB: i guess i’m sorry if it was?   


EB: i just thought you’d want to know.   


EB: so. let me know when you’re done ghosting everyone and stuff, so i can maybe apologize about the way i did it. i just didn’t know how to bring it up, and it seemed like in between movies was the best time.   


EB:...   


EB: so yeah. text me back when you’re good.   


**___**

-ectoBiologist [EB] sent the attachment conairbongocat.pnj !-

EB: :B  


**___**

EB: i don’t know if you’ll see this in time, but can we do caliborn’s feeding on wednesday? i read somewhere that it was okay to delay a feeding by just a little bit, and i’ve got a lot of homework to do.   


EB: classes really swamp you in the last semesters. it’s like they don’t WANT me to graduate!   


EB: anyways. let me know if wednesday works for you when you come out of emotional hibernation.   


EB: dave’s words, not mine.   


Dirk lowered his phone, brows drawn. Okay, not the reaction he expected. He was glad, though, that John wasn’t mad at him. He was acting cool, but he didn’t know how well he’d handle his new friend being pissed at him as well as his old ones. John was way too forgiving for his own good. 

It was weird to know for a fact that John and Dave talked about him, but at least Dave could let John know about his ‘emotional hibernations’. At least there was some explanation for his behaviour, instead of Dirk’s cold silence. 

He’d also completely forgotten about Caliborn. Guilt made him grimace, and he typed out a quick (long) message to John saying he was fine, it was fine, and the time change was fine. He hoped it was enough for John. John shouldn’t be the one saying sorry, but Dirk was still bad at doing that himself. Maybe he could do it when he went over tomorrow. 

He locked his phone and set it down, trading it for his shades. He should go grab some food. He hadn’t eaten in probably too long. 

***

The next day, Dirk stared up at Jake’s house. At the foot of the steps, it felt like he was separated from it still. Like he could choose to turn around and walk away at any time. It seemed different, now, less welcoming than it had been even a couple days ago. Like the house knew that Jake didn’t want him there anymore, and was trying to intimidate him away. But it wouldn’t work. Houses couldn’t intimidate, and Dirk couldn’t be intimidated. He was fine. So, he walked up the front steps, ignoring the hole in his chest. 

Dirk knocked on Jake’s door. There was no response. He stood for a couple minutes, staring at the wood, alone on the front steps. After a couple minutes, he knocked again. Still nothing. Cocking a brow, he pulled out his phone and tried texting John. When he still got nothing, he sighed, and ventured to try calling him. 

He was three rings in when there was a loud thudding from inside, and suddenly the door was yanked open. John was bent at the waist, like he’d tripped and grabbed the handle and opened the door to balance himself, out of breath. He gave Dirk an apologetic smile as Dirk stopped the call and lowered his phone. 

“Hey Dirk! Sorry, I was doing homework and completely zoned out. Do you know where the rats are kept? I need to clean something up.” 

Dirk blinked. “...Yeah. I’ll just… grab it.”

“Thanks!”

John disappeared from the door. Dirk stepped inside, greeting Bullseye while he took off his shoes and closed the door. Walking into the kitchen, he saw John at the table mopping up some spilled coffee, and what Dirk assumed was his homework spread across the table, the bottom halves soaked and staining. He looked frazzled. Carefully, Dirk stepped around and went to grab one of the frozen rats by the tail. 

While he went to feed Caliborn, he analyzed what he’d seen. There might not be much to see, but John had bags under his eyes. There were a lot of half done diagrams and written answers that were scratched out on the pages he’d seen. John had said, in one of his messages, ‘it’s like they don’t WANT me to graduate’. He was most likely suddenly swamped with a lot of work, or work he couldn’t handle at once. 

Dirk dropped the rat in Caliborn’s tank. When he went back to tell John he fed Caliborn, he saw John staring at his wet worksheets tiredly. He looked stressed. When John noticed him standing in the doorway, he slapped on a grin and stepped in front of the partially cleaned mess. 

“Did he eat it?”

“Yep. Went to town. Just needs someone he trusts to drop the food, I guess.”

“Haha, yeah. I get that! If my brain was that small I wouldn’t eat food strangers gave me, either.” 

Dirk hummed. Glancing at the table behind John, he nodded over. “What’s all that about, by the way?”

“Oh.” John looked at it all, then tried to laugh. It sounded strained. “Yeah, they introduced a new thing in Bio, but I don’t really get it. And I have a book report and an essay due, and have to read this mythos thing, so I’ve been trying to get at this because hardest things first, right? But I just… Don’t get it.” Shrugging, John turned back to him. “I haven’t gotten very far. I think I’m just going to put it away and do my other work, so I have at least something done.”

Humming, Dirk nodded. Stepping over, he peered down at the biology textbook John had laid out on the table. He didn’t know what anything on the page meant, but he caught sight of the title and topic. Filing it away for later, he stepped away again and reminded himself to look at what courses John was taking again. 

“Sounds frustrating. I never went to university, I’m a genius, but I’d imagine it would be ass.” 

John rolled his eyes, but there was a smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah, yeah, we all know you’ve got a huge brain Mr. Robot. You could probably figure all of this out if you sat down with it for long enough.” He looked down, smile fading. His brows drew together, like he was thinking hard about something. When he looked up, his face was in a regretful twist. “Listen. I’m sorry about last time, I didn’t mean to make you go into hibernation.” 

Dirk blinked. He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to say that. You were just… relaying the information. I shouldn’t have… walked out. Or ghosted you, and everyone else.”

“Yeah, but I still feel bad.” John shrugged. “I knew it wasn’t the best time. I just wanted to cheer you up and distract you, and it didn’t really work. Oh well, right? At least you know now.” 

Dirk didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to. John was regretful for making him feel bad, period. It didn’t matter that he didn’t cause all of this, he was sorry he hurt Dirk. But he wasn’t sorry for telling him. Dirk didn’t think they were that close, that John would care that much. But perhaps that’s just what he was like. Dirk couldn’t decide if it was an asset or a hindrance, in this case. 

John looked back at the table. He sighed. “I don’t mean to cut this short, but I should get back to it. Lots of words to read and write in not so much time. I’ll catch you next time?” 

Dirk’s eyes slid between John and the table. After a moment, he nodded. “Yeah. Next time. Don’t stay up too late on that.”

“Sure thing. Bye Dirk!”

Waving, Dirk walked back to the door and slid his shoes back on. John watched him from the kitchen doorway, waving when Dirk looked back. Dirk waved again, then walked back out, closing the door behind him firmly and heading back to his place. 

When he got back, he instantly went to his laptop and pulled up everything he could find on the biology course John was taking. He did everything short of hacking the school to get the lesson plan and textbook pages, and when he couldn’t find enough, did exactly that. Combing through all the information he could soak up meticulously, he pulled over a notebook and began taking notes. 

John was a lot of things. Particularly clever or smart wasn’t one of them. But he cared, and he tried. He’d already done enough for Dirk by reaching out, connecting, giving Dirk a space to forget his troubles for a while when there was nothing to do about them. And when he learned something new about the situation, he told Dirk. It was him. Not Jade, who received the postcard, not Roxy or Dave who had probably heard about it by now, but John. And that kind of thing deserved to be rewarded, didn’t it? 

Besides, learning about the ins and outs of carbon based life forms gave Dirk something to do that wasn’t obsess or hide. He didn’t find the topic particularly interesting, but it was information, and knowledge was power and whatnot. And it was for a good cause. So he put his mind to it, took notes, and wrapped his head around everything he could over the next couple days. Once he thought he had comprehensive notes that he thought anyone could follow, he pulled out his phone and shot John a message. 

TT: Yo, you doing anything tomorrow?   


***

Slapping the notebook down on the table, Dirk motioned for John to take a seat. John, who had just let him in, stared with his brows drawn and mouth open like he was going to say something but couldn’t figure out what words to string together. Dirk hadn’t exactly given him much of an explanation besides asking if he was still having trouble with the biology homework. Which he was. More insistently, Dirk motioned to a chair, taking the other for himself. After a moment, John came and sat down with him. 

“What’s happening?” 

“I’m about to learn you, son.” Dirk pulled over his notebook and started flipping through it. “Which section of your biology were you having hang ups about?”

John didn’t tell him. Instead, his face twisted into further confusion. “Wh- are you trying to help me study?” 

“Sort of. We can call it that if you would prefer. Was it the eighth or ninth lesson you just had this week?” 

John stared at him. Dirk could see the exact moment he decided to just go with it, because his eyebrows smoothed out. “Ninth.” 

“Gotcha.” Dirk opened the right page, took the pen he put behind his ear, and pointed to the start of his notes. “Okay. So, check it. This bitch here is trying to get it’s coding, which is this, over here.” 

As he went through the lesson, John’s expression slowly cleared. He scooted over to better see the notebook, and even as he laughed at some of the ways Dirk explained things- he’d tried to tone down his typical manner of explaining things so it was actually understandable- it did seem like the stuff Dirk was saying was sinking in. At one point, he went to grab his textbook and homework, and came back to start doing things as he understood them. When he tripped up, Dirk would lean over and point out his error, and he’d quickly correct it after Dirk explained what he was confused about. 

Another thing Dirk noticed, the more they went over, was the looks John would throw him. The more Dirk taught John, the bigger his smile got, the sparklier his eyes got, and the more excited he got. He’d lean in more, asking Dirk questions and clarifications, then lean back with a big happy grin. It was nice to see Dirk’s efforts were immediately appreciated. 

By the time Dirk was wrapping up the lesson, John’s biology homework was complete. He glanced over it quickly, then gave John a thumbs up. Whooping, John threw himself back in his chair. He looked elated. 

“Oh man, that feels so good! Take that, homework!” He pushed the papers away, then turned to Dirk. “I can’t believe you learned all of that just to help me with my homework.”

“I did no such thing. I just got curious, taught myself some useful information, and decided to help you out. A win-win situation stemmed from my never ending greed for knowledge.”

Rolling his eyes, John leaned in a little. “Suuuure, right, that’s all. But seriously, dude, you really helped me out. I don’t even know if I could pay you back, you really went out of your way!”

Dirk shrugged. It would probably be easier to just say ‘you’re welcome’ and be done with it, but he couldn’t accept gratitude like a normal person. He couldn’t do much like a normal person, as normality was a myth pushed on society by those in positions in power to keep the masses at bay, but whatever. It was hyperbole. John watched him for a moment, smiling softly in a way Dirk didn’t know how to describe. Then he leaned forward and placed a hand on Dirk’s shoulder. 

“I’m serious, Dirk.” He moved his head to try catching Dirk’s eye, though he couldn’t tell if he got it. “This was really cool of you. I don’t know how to thank you enough. You kind of saved my butt.” 

Well. Maybe he could take gratitude normally once in a while. Feeling oddly warm, Dirk nodded, the corners of his own lips twitching. “You’re welcome.” 

John paused, his hand still on Dirk’s shoulder. “Can I hug you? I kind of feel like this is a hugging situation. If this was a movie, we would definitely be hugging right now.” 

Dirk hesitated. He eyed John, despite already knowing the worst he would do is tape a ‘kick me’ sign or something to his back. Then he shrugged. “Sure. Try not to touch my butt, I’ve heard it’s a very compelling piece of my physique.” 

John snorted. “Don’t worry, your flat butt is safe.” 

“You bitch. That’s it, hug retracted. Fuck you.” 

“Nope! Too late!”

John leaned forward and wrapped Dirk in his surprisingly strong arms. Dirk groaned, mostly for the theatrics, but let it happen. John tucked his head against Dirk’s shoulder, secured Dirk against his chest, and held him there. It was gentle enough that Dirk could get away if he really wanted to, but suddenly none of his muscles wanted to move. Except his arms, which hesitantly came up around John in return. 

It was… nice. Warm and secure in a way Dirk wasn’t unfamiliar with, but was still just acquaintances with. He, warmth and security hadn’t had anything past a casual workplace conversation out by the water cooler yet. It turned out, maybe he’d want to get to know them better. Invite them out for a drink. Share stories about their horrible bosses. Maybe become their friend. Anything seemed like a possibility at that moment. 

Dirk allowed his eyes to close for just a moment, then pulled back. John let him go, still grinning. Dirk closed his notebook and tucked it back under his arm. 

“Now that we’ve got that settled. I’ve been holding off a project for a client for completely unrelated reasons, and I should really get off my ass and do it.” 

John laughed. “You should definitely go do that, then.” 

John walked him to the door. They hovered on opposite ends of the threshold for a bit, feeling like the conversation wasn’t over quite over and not wanting to say goodbye just yet. Eventually, John smiled, eyes reflecting his genuine happiness. 

“Again, thanks for doing that for me. It means a lot, and it couldn’t have been the easiest thing. I’m really glad you’re my friend. And I’m going to repay you somehow!”

Dirk cocked a brow. “That’s really not necessary. I’m not sure if there's anything you could offer that I’d want.” 

“Sure there is! How aboooooooout…” He trailed off, looking around. When he looked back inside, he perked up, then faced Dirk again. “How about I teach you how to cook?”

“You assume I don’t know how to?”

“Do you?”

“No. But that isn’t the point.”

John shoved his shoulder lightly, rolling his eyes. “I’m serious. How about you come by one day this weekend and I teach you how to cook? I’ll keep it to super simple meals you can make and have lots of leftovers for, I promise.” 

Dirk stared at John. John stared back, eyes alight with determination. Slowly, he shook his head at himself, and sighed. “Sure. I’ll let you know which day works better tonight. I expect miraculous results, chef.” 

Pursing his lips, John faked twirling a moustache, slapping on the dumbest French accent Dirk had ever heard. “Ohoho, but of course! Not’ing but ze finest from our chefs!”

“Oh my god.”

“Like monsieur Remy, ze rat.”

“I’m leaving. Goodbye, John.”

Dirk slipped down the steps and back out onto the sidewalk, doing his best to ignore John when he shouted about trying the ratatouille and pretending he didn’t know him. Despite the ridiculous display, and how John didn’t even try to be ironic about it, he felt himself smiling. 

John was a lot of things. Particularly clever or smart wasn’t one of them. But he had a big dumb heart, and that apparently was counting for something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this a day early because I'll be too busy tomorrow to get the chapter out at a good time. So enjoy the early access, I suppose! I hope everyone has a good weekend. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudo's and comments. I say this every time, and I'll say it again because I mean it; Your support means a lot, and I'm always so happy to see that you're all enjoying this! Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and I will see you next week!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John teaches Dirk how to cook. It gets messy.

John took a moment, after setting up the kitchen for Dirk’s imminent arrival with a bunch of easy recipes and cooking supplies, to realize that his life had gotten a little weirder since befriending Dirk. Or maybe it had just changed. Not in any way that seemed major or noteworthy when he said it out loud. Maybe life had always been this weird. But it still seemed like a significant change to him. 

Before all of this, John would spend his off days doing his homework, watching TV, or playing video games in his room. He’d talk with his dad and friends, sure. But the busier their days got, the less he got to see them. He wasn’t in any clubs at his university, and he wasn’t really an outdoor or ‘walk around by yourself’ kind of person. He liked to do things with people. He just lacked the people part of that. 

It had gotten pretty depressing, actually. The closer he got to graduation, the more he realized he’d have to do something with his life, and the more he dreaded it. Which meant there were more and more stressful topics he would shove to the back of his mind to leave unaddressed. But it all leaked over, and he would turn into a couch potato or stay in his room for days on end. And then he wouldn’t feel like going out, which meant he’d stay home more, which made him more depressed, and it just cycled like that for longer than he’d like to admit. It was a relief when Jake called, asking for him to housesit. He figured a change of scenery and sense of responsibility was exactly what he needed to get his shit in gear. 

Then Dirk showed up. Time and again, he was at the door, for almost a month now. And they were friends now, despite the situation. It was nice to be friends with Dirk, and hang out with someone often again. It was nice to have someone come and remind him he existed. 

If John was being honest with himself, he probably latched on to the idea of being Dirk’s friend because he needed it. Dirk was known for being pretty detached, and John needed someone who understood how far out he was. It was hard to imagine, now that John was doing okay. But he needed Dirk to be his friend. And now he was. 

John cared a lot about Dirk. Maybe it was because he latched on so hard, but he found himself wondering about how Dirk was doing much more often than with his other friends. He’d tried to sound calm in his messages to Dirk when he went off the radar, but John had been really concerned. He’d called Dave a couple times just to ask if that was normal for Dirk, and even when Dave assured him it was, John couldn’t stop worrying. He’d worried at Jake’s house, he’d worried at the store when picking up groceries, and he’d worried at school when he should have been paying attention and paid the price. Or he would have, if Dirk hadn’t swooped in and saved him from missing an entire section of their studies that would avalanche into the rest. 

He was really grateful for Dirk. So, to help Dirk in the same way Dirk helped him, John was going to teach Dirk how to cook. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he was determined to get Dirk to follow a simple recipe and create something edible he could potentially recreate at home. 

It was important to John that Dirk knew how to, and not just because he wanted to pay Dirk back for teaching himself how to do biology in less than three days just to help John. He didn’t like the thought of Dirk eating ramen every other day for multiple meals, like Dave used to before he moved in with Karkat. Everyone should be able to at least make a simple omelette, so they weren’t completely nutritionally deficient. And Dirk was probably nutritionally deficient. 

Puttering around the kitchen, John checked off a list in his mind. He didn’t exactly know when Dirk would be showing up, but he didn’t want to be scrambling for anything. He wanted to have a full, comprehensive tutorial, like what Dirk had for him. He wanted to be smart for once. 

It just occurred to him to question that feeling- the desperate, giddy, terrible feeling that he had to show Dirk how good he could be at something, to prove himself in some way he didn’t completely grasp- when there was a knock. John took a breath, but couldn’t keep from grinning. Taking one last glance around the kitchen, he walked down the hall and opened the front door. 

“Hey Dirk!”

Dirk nodded. “Sup. I’m here, Egbert, as requested. Are you sure you’re still up to trying to shove some cooking skills into me?”

“Duh. Come on in! I got everything set up, all you need is to pull on an apron and follow me lead!” 

Stepping inside, Dirk cocked a brow as John closed the door. “Why don’t you have an apron? I half expected you to be decked out in a ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron. Will the cook refuse the kisses?”

Rolling his eyes, John walked back towards the kitchen. “Because I’m already a master chef. My dad taught me everything I know, and I never get messy anymore. Maybe one day, even you’ll upgrade from apron to master!” 

“Pretty sure you mean pupil.” 

Looking over his shoulder, John stuck his tongue out. Dirk snorted. It was really nice to hear Dirk laugh, even if it was just in snorts for half a second and then he was stoic again. John liked what he’d heard so far, and he was determined to one day get a real laugh out of Dirk. He was grinning just thinking about what kind Dirk could have. 

Today wasn’t that day though. Today, they would be cooking. John picked up Jake’s only existing apron in the house- which had fake abs and pecks, John had no doubt that Roxy got it for him- and tossed it to Dirk, motioning to the ingredients. 

“Today, I, culinary master chef John Nathaniel Egbert, will be teaching you how to make an omelette and fried rice.”

Pulling on the apron, and looking like a complete dork in it, Dirk cocked a brow. “Your middle name is Nathaniel?”

John narrowed his eyes. “Yes. Now, first thing you want to do is-”

“Johnathan Nathaniel Egbert. Johnathaniel Egbert. Nathan Nathan.” 

“My full name isn’t Johnathan dude. It’s just John.” 

“Too late. I’m calling you Johnathaniel from now on, one way or another.” John gave him a flat look. Dirk, face ever blank, stared back. Their staring contest lasted for a couple moments, then Dirk spoke again. “Would you rather I call you John Nathan?”

“Please don’t, that’s what my dad called me whenever I got in trouble. And a friend of Nanna’s was named Johnathan, dad named me John and then Nathaniel so we wouldn’t get mixed up. So no Johnathan either.”

“Ah, the ever present tradition of passing down names between generations, not even within the immediate family in this case, so close they’ll both be alive for a long time with the same name. It plagues us all. Continue.” 

John knew Dirk was being sarcastic, or at least ironic. Narrowing his eyes again, John motioned to Dirk. “Okay, smart guy. What’s your full name?”

Dirk was silent for a moment too long. He frowned, coming to the realization he’d trapped himself into this topic and there was no way of getting out of it that didn’t prove John’s point. He sighed, shoulders dropping minutely. “Dietrich Klaus Strider.”

John opened his mouth, then closed it. He frowned. “.....I can’t figure out a way to make fun of you for that. It sounds super old, but like, I’m John. Dietrich Klaus sounds like a prince or something.”

Dirk gave him a smile. It was a little smug, a little infuriatingly pleased, a little more genuine than he probably intended for it to be. John felt himself starting to smile back, something tingly ghosting over his insides. He turned to the counter, unsure what the pleasant warmth he felt was and wanting to distract himself from it. Pulling the eggs forward, he flicked the carton open. 

“Okay, omelette. First thing we do is chop the ingredients and mix the eggs.”

Dirk stepped over, and John showed him how to properly hold a knife and chop, letting Dirk pick what he wanted. It was slow going, but John didn’t have anywhere to go today. When he whisked the eggs, it spilled over some, and Dirk frowned slightly at the yolk on the counter. He was already getting frustrated with this, John could tell. 

“Eh, we’ll tidy up after everything.” John tugged Dirk’s attention to the pan he heated, pointing out how much oil he used and what temperature it was set to. “It looks good, so just pour it here. Once the eggs have cooked a little, we add the ingredients.” 

Dirk dumped the egg into the pan, a little too quickly. A bit of oil splashed onto John’s pants. Eyeing Dirk, John wondered if he should have grabbed a spare apron anyways. He hadn’t thought about how messy it would actually get. 

And it did get messy. Dirk followed John’s instructions, but his hands were strangely clumsy compared to his usual movements. When the omelette was finished, there were bits of random vegetables and flecks of egg in weird places. John set the omelette aside to eat later, watching Dirk carefully as they moved onto the rice. 

He showed Dirk how to make rice, without actually making any. Explaining that they needed cold rice, he pulled some out of the fridge he’d prepared and set it down. He gave Dirk the recipe and amounts, and then stood back and watched Dirk somehow get rice stuck on the ceiling. John was getting the creeping feeling that it wasn’t entirely by accident. 

When he tried to correct Dirk on his method of stirring, Dirk flicked his wrist just right, and a piece of broccoli smacked him in the cheek. He flinched at the contact, eyes instinctively closing. When he blinked at Dirk next, Dirk was smirking at him over his shoulder. Despite how bratty Dirk was being, something in his chest fluttered. 

“Oops,” Dirk monotoned, not sounding sorry at all. 

Carefully, John stepped over and peered over Dirk’s shoulder at the fried rice. It looked done, so he reached past Dirk and flicked the heat off, and moved the wok onto a cool burner. Dirk watched him silently, a brow raised. 

Once there was no threat of anything burning, John picked up one of the remaining eggs from the carton, and, without a word, turned and slapped it against Dirk’s chest. Egg shell and yoke oozed between his fingers, and he pulled away, satisfied by the sticky mess he left. Dirk’s lips parted, disbelieving, and John couldn’t help the shit-eating grin that spread over his face. 

“Oops,” he said, trying to replicate Dirk’s tone. 

Dirk stared at him for a moment. And then they were both lunging, Dirk for the rice and John backwards. He got pelted by a handful of rice anyways, and ducked down to open a cupboard for shelter. He peered into the shelves, and grinned, grabbing the bag of flour he found and preparing a handful. 

“You don’t want to go to war with me, Egbert.” Dirk drawled, completely ignorant to the hell he was about to be subjected to. “Strider’s don’t lose.” 

“I’m pretty sure I do!” John chirped, right before jumping out and throwing his handful of flour the same time Dirk pelted him with a couple eggs. John laughed as they hit, one just bouncing off and cracking on the floor and the other smacking against his shoulder. He really should have grabbed a spare apron. 

Dirk made a sound like he was trying to spit out the flour that got in his mouth, then leaped for the fridge. John’s eyes widened, and he glanced around for his next weapon. His eyes landed on the fried rice. After staring at it for a despairing moment, he reasoned with himself that his hands were clean and the rest could be eaten, and scooped up a handful. Dirk turned, milk jug open in hand. They both launched their food stuff at the same time. 

In the midst of the battle, John could almost hear Dirk chuckling. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. 

***

Some time after, Dirk and John sat on the kitchen floor, leaning against the cupboards, examining the carnage around them. There was flour on every surface, mixing with the milk on the floor, bits of egg here and there. John was trying to pick shells out of his hair from when Dirk smashed an egg over his head. Dirk had taken off the apron after he’d slipped on the egg that hadn’t broken on John and gotten it completely filthy. Which meant, in the end, Dirk was only marginally better off than John was. 

Casting his eyes out over the room, John gave a long sigh. “I’m going to have to clean this up.” 

“Yep.”

They were silent for a moment. Then John snorted, which led to a giggle he couldn’t stomp out. As his shoulders started shaking, he saw the corners of Dirk’s mouth twitch up, something he was fighting. It didn’t work well, apparently, because when John started fully laughing he heard Dirk’s own laughter. 

It was quiet, like everything was with Dirk when it came to emotions. Quiet and deep. It tickled John’s ears, filled him up with something, and turned his laugh from a genuinely amused one to a giddy one. Looking over at Dirk, his stomach flipped when he saw the slightly opened mouth smile Dirk had. There was only a flash of teeth, but it was a genuine smile, and it twisted John’s insides in knots. He looked away again, grinning wide and feeling his face grow a little warm. 

“Man, it’s going to suck. Can you stay and help out? This is your fault too.” 

Dirk, still smiling, cocked a brow at him. “You started it, with that egg.” 

“No I didn’t! You started it by flinging a piece of perfectly good broccoli at me!” 

Dirk shrugged. “Shouldn’t have tried to teach me to cook. Entirely your fault.”

“You’re such a dick.” John shoved his shoulder, getting another chuckle out of Dirk. “At least help me with the counters. I’ll do the floor.”

Shrugging again, Dirk used the counter to stand. He offered a hand to John, who took it, trying not to focus on how Dirk’s hands were colder than his as he was pulled up. John went out to the hall closet, rummaging around and trying not to spread the muck on his hands. He grabbed a cloth and some spray and tossed them at Dirk before grabbing a larger cloth for the egg bits and a broom for all the flour. After a general pass of the room, John looked at his and Dirk’s soiled clothes. 

“We should probably have showers. If you leave your clothes outside the door, I can drop off some clothes that fit you and wash yours.”

Dirk waved him off. “I’m pretty sure I still have some clothes over here. You go take your shower first while I hunt down my stuff.” 

John frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah man. Go get the yolk out of your hair, despite what a fuckton of desperate beauty guru’s say I’m pretty sure it isn’t that great for your scalp. But if you feel good and sexy wearing shells and goop, go right the fuck ahead I guess. Who am I to stop you from living your disgusting dreams of being absolutely covered in unfertilized chicken embryos?”

“Okay, I’m going! You can stop talking now!” John walked quickly towards Jake’s room. 

“It’s okay to embrace your kinks John, this is a no shame zone,” Dirk called after him. John flipped him off, which Dirk laughed at. 

Rolling his eyes, but still smiling, John went and grabbed some clothes to change into. Despite how weird Dirk was, John really liked his company. He didn’t even mind the weird innuendos he made. It was really easy to spend time with him, shoot the shit, hang out. He wondered if it would be weird to just ask to do that more often. 

Holding his clothes under one arm, John pushed into the bathroom and kicked the door shut behind him. It felt a little weird to be showering when he had a friend over, but it felt more important to get the food stuff off. He placed his clothes on the toilet seat, stripped and started the shower. 

Stepping in, John took a breath. His insides were still all squirmy, and he couldn’t quite get the image of Dirk laughing out of his head. Sticking his head under the flow, he frowned at the tiles. It was probably weird that he felt so warm and fluttery just because Dirk laughed with him. It was probably weirder that he was thinking about it so hard. That, and their interactions in general. 

Dirk had seemed so unsure about cooking, it made sense that he would act out to gain control of the situation. At least he’d finished before they got into the food fight, and the actual food hadn’t gotten contaminated. And Dirk had fun, in the end. At least, John hoped he had fun. John really hoped Dirk liked spending time with him, and if he actually asked Dirk if they could hang out more, he’d say yes. It would be pretty great if they could. As John grabbed some shampoo and started working it into his hair, he realized he was grinning widely again, and all the fluttering was back. He stopped, then blinked, and stopped as something occurred to him. 

Wasn’t this what romance was set up to be like in those romcoms he’d watched with Karkat?

As soon as he realized that, he thought about everything he’d been feeling and thinking recently. How he paid extra attention to Dirk’s mood, the warm feelings he got whenever Dirk smiled, how concerned he was about making a good impression or doing something to upset Dirk. How he was obsessing over Dirk’s smile. Those were all things the leads in romcoms dealt with when they started falling for each other, wasn’t it? 

But that didn’t make sense. Rinsing out his hair, John frowned at his feet. He wasn’t gay. He’d only ever dated girls. And he was pretty sure he’d had feelings for them, but nothing had felt quite like this. Or had it? John couldn’t tell, the last person he’d dated was Terezi, and that was before they graduated. It hadn’t lasted that long, but John was pretty sure he’d felt something for her and it hadn’t been the same as what he was feeling now. 

Distractedly, John shut off the water and got out, grabbing a towel from under the sink. He dried himself off, got dressed, then threw the towel over his hair so he could try to squeeze the moisture out. He was probably just feeling friendship feelings, right? He was giddy to have a new friend. If his feelings here didn’t feel the same as the ones he’d had on girls, then they weren’t about the same thing probably. 

Satisfied with that answer, John opened the bathroom door, and almost had a heart attack when he saw Dirk leaning against the wall with only a towel wrapped around his waist. There was a change of clothes tucked under his arm as he scrolled on his phone. He still had his shades on. He looked up at John, casual as ever, like he wasn’t mostly naked and made of lean muscles and covered in freckles and  _ was that a tattoo _ - _? _

“Sup. I shoved my clothes in the washer, just add your own and get that bad boy started.”

John stood there for a moment, tongue tied. When he spoke, his voice did a weird pitch shift. “Okay, thanks.” 

Dirk nodded, and John stepped out of the way so Dirk could get into the bathroom and shut the door. He stood there for a moment, feeling his face slowly grow hotter, and quickly decided to get a drink to distract himself from whatever that was. Except when he stepped into the kitchen, he saw it was cleaner than they’d left it. Which meant Dirk had continued cleaning after John got in the shower, which was incredibly sweet, and John’s insides were doing that thing again but tenfold and he had to go sit down. 

After a moment of breathing, staring at the blank TV, and feeling how hot his face had gotten just from looking at another boy with less than the recommended amount of clothes on, John was having a hard time convincing himself these were just friendship feelings still. He closed his eyes, dropped his head, and groaned. 

So. He might be starting to have feelings for his new friend, who just so happened to be a dude. 

What did he do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy late Valentines y'all, I hope it was good and your family/friends/SO showed you how much you meant to them. I know y'all mean a lot to me! Your support always brightens my day, so thank you so much! 
> 
> I ALSO got the work skins active (thank you v much jay_aye_y), so the texts previous are now in colour if you want to take a quick peak! Take care of yourselves, drink some water, and I'll see you next week. Love you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk cares more about John than he realized. Which makes John seemingly pulling away very concerning.

Staring at his phone with a light frown, Dirk scrolled through his recent conversations with John. Since Dirk helped John out with his classes, they’d messaged each other a lot more. It was mostly memes, given, but there was the occasional lengthy conversation about whatever happened to cross their minds. Old video games, their favourite cartoons as kids, a bit about how John used to teach himself coding until eleventh grade. It had been consistent as well- if they had nothing to chat about that day, John would still send him a meme. It was nice to have regular correspondences like that again. 

The problem was, for the last couple of days, John’s responses were limited. Clipped replies, no memes, no explanations. Dirk tried to reason that it was because John had classes, and he would be heavily distracted by that. But something else, an instinct or feeling, said otherwise. 

Dirk could recognize his paranoia when it approached. He was probably just worrying about nothing, but it didn’t feel like nothing. Generally, when his friends or Dave responded less, something was wrong or he’d done something wrong. It was difficult not to apply the same mentality to this situation. 

His instinct was to identify the source and fix the problem. If he could get it out of John, he could do something about it. But there was something about John that made him hold his knee-jerk reactions back. He didn’t want to be paranoid about John’s friendship, and he didn’t want to push too hard and end up pushing John away. Despite the short time they’d been friends, Dirk liked having John around. It was easy to be around him, easy to let himself relax somewhat. And, despite his best efforts, Dirk’s walls were slowly lowering- brick by brick- every time he hung out with him. 

Something in the way John smiled, carefree and breezy, made it seem easier to breathe. Like there was more room, more air. And John didn’t have any problems showing how he felt at any given time. He might try to hide it behind a grin, but he wasn’t good at it. Once he knew he’d been caught, he dropped it and let Dirk know what the problem was. It was refreshing, to get to know someone like that. And with each breath of fresh air John provided him, he felt the guard he’d carefully constructed around himself inch further and further away. 

So, it wasn’t quite like the walls were lowering- more like they were expanding, and developing cracks that allowed for more. More air, more emotions, more interactions, more like John could slip between the gaps easily and leave the same if he wished, than Dirk would typically enjoy. But he was learning how to. 

Which made even the slightest hint of John pulling away worrying. It sent waves of unease through him, and it was like he could feel the walls inching back in again. His frown deepened, just a little, as he exited the messaging app and entered his contacts. He didn’t know what was wrong, or how to fix it, or if he was just being paranoid. But he knew someone who would. 

Unfortunately, that someone would definitely ask him why he was asking about John, so he went for the next best person- someone who could hear his fears and tell him, with the utmost affection, that he was being stupid and paranoid. 

The phone rang a couple times before Roxy picked up. “Hey Di-Stri! What’s the haps? How you holding up?”

“Fine. I need some advice.” 

Roxy hummed. “Is this still about the Jakey thing and how he’s been gone so long? If it’s about the Jakey thing you know my advice is gonna most likely be ‘work on moving on and be a happy healthier person’, right?”

Dirk was momentarily caught off guard. He blinked, lowering the phone to look at the date. It had been a month. A month ago today, Jake called and broke up with Dirk before taking off across the globe. Jake had been gone for a month now, with only one postcard to let people know he was fine, and Dirk hadn’t thought about that in depth since Thursday. He hadn’t spared a thought for Jake, or what Dirk would do when he got back, since he buckled down and learned all that biology for John’s benefit. He had been fairly busy since then, but he had worried and obsessed over this almost every day since Jake left. And suddenly, he’d completely forgot that it was important. 

His chest squeezed. It felt like he’d given up without realizing it. Jake might have given up already, anyways, but he’d still had some hope. And now he was forgetting about it. 

Swallowing the sudden rush of emotions he felt, Dirk placed the phone back against his ear. He could focus on that later. He called for a reason.

“Good thing this isn’t about the Jake thing, then.”

“Oh, sweet.” Roxy shifted on the other end. “Shoot then.” 

Dirk frowned, unsure how to phrase it. After a moment, he sighed. “I need to know if I’m being paranoid, or if some thoughts I’m having are founded.” 

There was a pause. “Are you  _ sure  _ this isn’t about Jake?”

“Roxy.”

“I’m just asking! When you get paranoid, it’s about Jake, nine times outta ten. But if you say it’s not, it’s not! What kind of thoughts you getting?”

“The usual. Haven’t talked to… a friend in a while, so my brain decided they are pulling away. Because any small drop in responding, whether big or small, is instantly suspicious and should be heavily scrutinized.” 

“Aight, Imma help you, obvs, but the way you said ‘a friend’ was hella suss I hope you know.” Dirk rolled his eyes, and even though Roxy couldn’t see it. Roxy giggled. “And just to show how amazing of a friend I am, I won’t even ask about who it is!” 

“Thanks,” Dirk said, trying to insert as much sarcasm in his voice as humanly possible. 

“You’re welcome! So, first thing’s first- do you know what’s happening on their end?”

“For the most part.” Dirk started pacing, eyes on the ground as he recounted all the evidence to the contrary of his wire-crossed brain. “I know of perfectly reasonable explanations to why they haven’t been replying. The last time we spoke, there was no evidence or indication that anything had gone wrong or that they would pull away. I’ve examined my messages since then, and there is nothing that would trigger this response besides my general level of asshole.” 

“Hmmm.” Roxy held the note for a while. “I’ll be real, it just sounds like they’re busy and your brain is being a dick to you. If you’re still feeling weird though, after your logic kicks in, you can always talk with them. Communication is key!” 

Dirk bit back a sigh. This wasn’t exactly helping, but he appreciated Roxy’s efforts. He’d already gone over everything himself, but it still felt off, and he was hesitant to just go to John and say ‘my brain is telling me you’re avoiding me and/or don’t want to be my friend anymore, are these worries founded?’ So he resigned himself to going back to plan a, and dealing with the questions, as he finished up his conversation with Roxy. 

“Thanks, Rox. I’ll do that now. Later.” 

“No prob Bob! Ttyl, babe!” 

Dirk lowered the phone, catching the end of Roxy saying “ _ Hal, don’t get puffed up, I call everyone babe you know that-” _ before he hung up. He stared at his phone for a moment, wondering if he would actually call Dave, before clicking his contact and bringing the phone right back up to his ear. He waited only a few rings before it was picked up. 

“Sup bro.” 

“Sup. I need some advice.” 

There was a moment of silence. “Is this about-”

“It is not about the Jake thing,” Dirk snapped, “this is an entirely separate thing.” 

“Damn okay. What crawled up your ass?”

Taking a deep breath, Dirk pinched his brow. “Paranoia, possibly. I’m going to ask you something, and I’m going to need you to keep your questions to yourself. If that’s not possible, hold off until you’ve given me an answer.”

“... You have to know that the way you’re saying this is pinging my brain off in all sorts of directions.”

Dirk knew, and he didn’t want to hear about it. “It’s about John. I’m fairly sure he’s ignoring me, except all logic dictates that he is just busy and will get back to me soon. And yet, here I am, slowly convincing myself he hates me.”

Dave was silent for a long moment. He took a breath, like he would reply, then let it back out. After a few more moments of silence, he found his words. “You know, it was weird enough when John came to me worrying about you when you dropped out. And I figured, hey, John’s just a caring dude. But nah, you two are actually friends. I don’t know why that’s such a weird concept. It’s like seeing a crocodile next to a t-rex. Logically, you know they existed at the same time, but it’s weird to actually see it.” 

Dirk understood the metaphor, even if it wasn’t entirely correct. He wouldn’t have thought him and Egbert would be friends, either. But it was possible they weren’t, if John turned out to be avoiding him. “Focus, Dave.”

“Right. Well, John dropped off the radar a couple days ago, but I wouldn’t say it’s anything to be concerned about yet.”

That hadn’t been what Dirk was expecting. He frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“Egderp drops in and out of contact. Sometimes he’s just wrapped up in what he’s doing, sometimes he forgets to check his notifications, sometimes it’s because he’s having emotions he doesn’t know how to deal with. It doesn’t get concerning until, like, the four day mark.” 

Dirk’s brows furrowed. “He does that?”

“Yeah man. You and John have surprisingly similar ways of dealing with your larger, tougher emotions. Ignore it, then if you can’t ignore it, cut off contact so you can have a breakdown on your own. Except yours is immediate and John’s happens over the course of a couple weeks, so it’s harder to catch.” Dave paused. “Huh. So, y’know, I don’t want to freak you out. But this might be something to worry about if John doesn’t bounce back.” 

Dirk closed his eyes briefly. Not the problem he thought he’d have to face, and even less so the answer he wanted. “Does this mean he hates me or not?”

“Oh, no. Don’t worry about that. He’s probably just struggling with himself.”

Okay. Dirk could deal with that. Dirk knew a thing or two about struggling with himself, he could potentially help John out. That was, If John wanted his help. Adjusting his grip on his phone, Dirk took a moment before responding. “Alright. Thanks.”

“Sure.” 

Dirk hung up. He stood there for a moment, processing. Then he headed into his kitchen to boil some ramen. Or maybe actually try to make eggs. John didn’t teach him for nothing. 

So John probably didn’t hate him. That was good to know. But he wasn’t okay, either. If John was Dirk, he wouldn’t want anyone to disturb him while he ignored his emotional troubles. Unfortunately, John was not Dirk, and Dirk didn’t know what the right thing to do was. He hadn’t known John for long. He didn’t know where the boundaries were. 

Well, there was no way to find out like potentially crossing them. Dirk wasn’t one to sit around, and John had gone out of his way a couple times to cheer Dirk up. The least Dirk could do was do the same for him. 

Dirk didn’t have much time to slap together a game plan before he had to go over and feed Caliborn. Starting the heat on a frying pan, Dirk pulled his phone out and started googling things to do with depressed or anxious friends to make them feel better. He ended up in a WikiHow article with what seemed like far too many steps and got to work. 

***

Approaching Jake’s house, Dirk went over what he’d learned. He wanted to either get John to open up, or invite him to something light and entertaining. Dirk wasn’t great at heart to hearts, but if it was what John needed, he’d do it. 

He took a moment at the door to take a breath, pushed aside the little voice reminding him that Jake had officially been gone for a month, and knocked. He was left standing at the door for longer than usual before John answered. 

The first thing Dirk noticed about John was that he didn’t seem all that worse for wear. He did have sweats and what looked like an old t-shirt on, holes in the fabric allowing peaks of skin, but he didn’t look sleep deprived or weary. But something unreadable flashed across his face when he saw Dirk, replaced with a smile before Dirk could process the emotions there. John’s eyes slid to the side, not quite looking at Dirk. He opened the door wider, stepping back. 

“Hey Dirk! Come on in.” 

Dirk nodded, and did so. Kicking off his shoes, he was aware of how the silence between them was heavier than usual. Maybe it was his own perception of the situation, but it felt bigger. 

John, after a moment of awkwardly shuffling next to him, walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer to retrieve the rat. Dirk followed a moment later. Watching John bent at the waist, eyes firmly fixed in the freezer as he opened the ziplock and stuck the tongs in, he decided sooner was better than later. 

“So, how’ve you been?”

John shrugged, straightening. “Oh, you know. About the same. Class was alright. Biology made more sense than usual, though. So. Thanks again.” 

John walked back into the hall, heading for the laundry room. Dirk slipped out after him, feeling a bit like Bullseye, who was trailing at Dirk’s heels. “No problem. So, no more issues there?”

“No more than the usual pile of homework.” John handed him the tongs. He watched Calliope with what seemed like forced interest. “But it’s manageable.”

Dirk hummed. Stepping forward, he slid the lid off of the terrarium and dropped the rat in. He took the momentary lapse in conversation to think about his next move. He could straight up ask John what was wrong, but with John’s body language, he would most likely brush Dirk off and the visit would be cut short. So Dirk sped along his mental plan, turning to John- and almost missing the way John’s eyes snapped from him to the snakes the moment Dirk was looking. He tried not to over-analyze it. 

“Do you want to go see a movie soon?”

John blinked, then looked at him. “Huh?”

“Movie. One I pay for. Since, you know, you picked and paid for the last one we went to.” 

“Oh. Right.” John’s shoulders dropped a bit, something like disappointment passing through his features before he smiled again. “Sure. That sounds cool. Do you know what you’d want to see?”

“Not yet. I’ll let you know when I have an idea.”

John nodded. They stood there for another moment, awkwardly staring at each other. Clearing his throat, John turned to the door and started walking back towards the living room. 

“Um. I should get on my homework, then. Don’t want to put it off then fill my time doing other stuff!”

“Right.” Disappointed, Dirk shuffled past John and went to slip his shoes back on. “I’ll head out, then.”

“Right.” 

John hovered near him again while he said bye to Bullseye, opened the door, and stepped out. Dirk hesitated for a moment, wondering if there was anything he could say to stay longer. When nothing came to mind, he stepped back and saluted. 

“See you.”

“Yeah,” John waved back, smile twinged with an unidentifiable emotion. “See you.” 

Dirk left, with new plans, feeling like he was missing something. And feeling even more like he hadn’t done much to help. He didn’t like either feeling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this one ends a little awkwardly and on a cliffhanger sort of, but it'll be resolved in the next chapter I promise. This was more just to show how far along Dirk has come in terms of his thoughts on John. And I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Thank you all for your support, I really love interacting with you guys and seeing what parts catch your attention. I also love seeing all the kudos, so thank you for those too! I hope to see you next week! Stay safe, take care of yourself, and I will see you then. Love you!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John isn't so sure he has feelings for Dirk. He gets some help on the subject.

John spent the better part of the week freaking out about his potentially gay feelings. He’d thought about it a lot, and almost convinced himself that no, they were just friendship feelings, when Dirk showed up again to feed Caliborn and his heart had fluttered every time he looked at Dirk or Dirk spoke. Almost like his body was actively trying to spite him. 

So his body was acting weird whenever Dirk came by now. That didn’t mean anything! For all John knew, it was just stress, and he wasn’t in the mood for interacting lately. His weird reaction Sunday was probably just embarrassment, since Dirk had no shame. Which he shouldn’t, it just shocked John. So he wasn’t having feelings, it was just odd time and placing. It wasn’t like John thought about kissing Dirk or anything. 

Except now he was. He thought about if he’d slipped a hand behind Dirk’s neck in the kitchen, sitting on the floor, leaning against the cabinets, and pulled Dirk gently forward and slotted their lips together. Or when they’d been fighting for the remote that movie night, how he could have leaned up and planted a peck right on Dirk’s mouth. He imagined Dirk’s lips were probably chapped. But they’d probably still be nice. 

Slapping his hands over his face, John groaned. This was stupid. He should just ask one of his friends what it was like for them when they realized they liked the same gender. And when their experiences didn’t line up to John’s, he’d know for certain that he wasn’t having gay thoughts or feelings. Pulling out his phone, John looked at his contact list and scrolled. 

He didn’t want to ask Dave, as the subject of his totally not gayness was his older brother. And not Jade, either. John loved her, but she had kind of a big mouth. Especially if she was talking to Dave. Karkat was off the table immediately, he would probably go tell Dave immediately. And that crush he’d had on John in middle school was sort of awkward, and it would be hard to explain this when he’d turned Karkat down for being a boy then. Not Terezi or Vriska, for multiple reasons, one of which being neither were in town right now. And he couldn’t even consider Jake. Which just left the Lalondes. 

John hesitated, then clicked Rose’s contact. He put his phone to his ear, waiting as it rang. She picked up on the fourth ring. 

“Hello, John. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hey, Rose. How did you know you were gay?”

Rose was silent for a long moment. There was a shuffle, then what sounded like a book closing. Rose took a breath, then seemed unsure what to do with it. “...As much as I love to discuss my sapphic inclinations at any given moment, I would like to ask what brought this on.”

Right. John should have thought of that. There wasn’t an excuse that sounded good to him in the moment, and he was left frowning at Bullseye, seated at his feet and staring up at him curiously. John reached down to give him a scratch. “What would you say if I said I was uncomfortable saying why?”

“I’d be much more curious, and start drawing my own conclusions. But I wouldn’t pry.” 

John was suddenly and strongly grateful for Rose. “Then that. I say that.” 

“Hm. Very well.” Rose took another breath, shifting. “I had my suspicions while growing up, but only that I wasn’t interested in boys the way other girls were. Then I befriended you, Dave and Jade. I do love you and Dave, but I was more nervous to speak to Jade. I thought I might just not like her, or she wasn’t my sort of person, but now looking back I can say definitively that I had a crush on her.” 

Blinking, John leaned back. Bullseye jumped up onto the couch and crawled into his lap. He hadn’t known about any of that. “When did you, like. Know know?”

Rose hummed. “Well, I suppose I truly knew when I met Kanaya. We had a fun, sarcastic sort of relationship at first. But once she reached out to me genuinely, I found myself captured in a way no one had been able to achieve. I’m quite lucky to have met her when I did, and even more so to have found the woman I’d want to spend my life with so young.”

None of that really helped John. Narrowing his eyes, he hunched his shoulders. “So you never, like, doubted it? You just knew?”

Rose was silent for another long moment. “...John, I’m going to be frank. Whatever answer you are looking for specifically, I doubt I will be able to provide through this method. I came to my gay awakening easily when I was young, but that isn’t a universal experience. Dave didn’t open up to his sexuality until he was sixteen, and Jade has never quite found a label that she’s comfortable with. The way everyone comes to their realization is different.” 

It was John’s turn to be silent, then. Absently petting Bullseye, he sighed. “What ‘method’ would you do then?”

“I’d work more generally. Such as giving you a list of questions a majority of queer youth might ask themselves to better understand their identities. What works for one person might not work for the next, but this will allow for some understanding and direction to go from.”

“...What kind of questions?”

“Simple ones. Such as, ‘can I see myself with someone of the same gender?’ Or if that doesn’t work necessarily, ‘can I see myself with this specific person?’ Another one could be, ‘would I enjoy being intimate with the same gender or this specific person?’”

“‘Intimate’?”

“Cuddling, kissing, sharing your deep most thoughts or existing quietly within the same space knowing there doesn’t need to be a word shared to enjoy one anothers company. Those sorts of things. But those aren’t the only questions one could ask themselves. There are some individuals who have to face their internal biases before they reach this step. Others, who have some idea about what they like, can ask questions more along the lines as ‘do I experience romantic and sexual attraction the same, or differently?’ All questions are difficult, and might take someone years to answer.”

John frowned. He didn’t have years, he had until he saw Dirk next, which was probably around that weekend. But it sounded like Rose knew what she was talking about, so he filed the questions away for later. “Okay. Anything else?”

“Well, one could always ask their same sex friend if they could try kissing to see if it feels different to kissing the opposite sex. Some work best with hands on experience.”

Rose sounded far too amused to actually be recommending that. Flushing, John’s eyes darted around the room for anything else to focus on. There was nothing. He needed to end this conversation now. 

“Okay I think I got my answers. Thanks Rose, talk to you later!”

Rose chuckled. “Farewell, John.” 

Hanging up, John tossed his phone over to the other end of the couch. He used both hands to rub Bullseye’s belly when he flopped over with a big dumb grin and wide eyes. While he was thankful to Rose for helping him out, he had the feeling she was drawing some very not correct conclusions. He could live with that until she brought it up next time she got him alone. 

The conversation hadn’t gone how he’d expected. Rose was right, he couldn’t compare his not-gayness against her absolute-gayness because her experience was so set. But he still didn’t want to go to any of his other friends with this. 

John sighed. He couldn’t really answer the questions Rose provided him right now. He could hardly think coherently right then, let alone answer some pretty important questions. Which meant he’d have to wait until the subject of his confusion came to go to the movies. 

Across the couch, John’s phone buzzed. He stared at it for a moment, then leaned over- made difficult by Bullseye- and grabbed it. Dirk messaged him. 

TT: Hey, I found a movie and a time. 

TT: How does the 7:45 tomorrow sound? 

John stared at it for a moment. Dirk wasn’t telling him what movie it was, but that was okay. He typed out a reply. 

EB: yeah that sounds good. see you then! 

TT: Yeah, see you then.

John sat back, starting to mentally prepare himself for tomorrow. He really hoped whatever he was dealing with was gone, so he wasn’t so weird around Dirk. He was pretty sure Dirk had picked up on it, and it was never fun when your friends were being weird around you. It was a thin hope, but it was there. 

He just wanted things to go back to normal. And they would, tomorrow, after John asked himself those questions and realized he wasn’t having gay feelings. Everything would be resolved, and he and Dirk would go back to being good buds. Probably. 

Hopefully. 

***

When Dirk approached the house, John was seated on the front steps waiting for him. John glanced up from his phone, saw Dirk coming down the sidewalk, and stood up. He waved, which Dirk returned, and walked towards the car. Dirk altered his course to meet him there. 

“Hey Dirk!”

“Sup.” 

They climbed into the car, and John started the engine. He turned to look over his shoulder to back out of the driveway, placing a hand on the back of Dirk’s seat. He tried not to look at Dirk, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see the dumb MLP tank top Dirk had picked to wear today that showed off the freckles on his shoulders and something deep in John’s chest squeezed. He distracted himself by talking. 

“So! What movie are we seeing?” 

“You’ll see.” 

John shot Dirk a look, then looked back front, turning the wheel to start heading down the road. “Dude, come on.”

Dirk’s only response was his version of a smug grin. John rolled his eyes, but couldn’t quite keep his own smile off his face. The rest of the drive to the theatre was silent, like the last drive to the theatre they went on, and John wondered if he could reminisce over something that happened almost a month ago. He pulled into the lot, parked, and slipped out. Dirk did the same, and they walked towards the theatre. When they walked in and over to the ticket machines, Dirk slid in front of John and hid the screen. 

“Dude!” John went on his toes, trying to peer around Dirk’s hair. “We’re at the theatre! Trying to keep it secret when I need my ticket to get into the theatre is dumb!”

“Too bad, because it’s a surprise.” 

“That’s dumb!” John planted his hands on Dirk’s shoulders so he could jump to try and see it. Dirk just hunched more. “This is a dumb surprise!”

“Maybe,” Dirk allowed, paying and snatching the tickets up quickly. “What snacks do you want?”

Giving up, John pushed away from Dirk with a loud groan. “Ugh. You’re the worst.” He paused. “Large popcorn extra butter and a medium Dr.Pepper. Please.” 

“Sure thing.” 

They grabbed their snacks, then headed for the theatre. Dirk handed the ticket person their tickets as one and snatched them back quickly, heading in at the person’s direction. John tried to find which theatre they would be in, so he could see the poster or the name of the movie outside the theatre, when Dirk reached over and plucked his glasses off. John stopped, almost stumbling, as his world became a colourful blur. Turning to Dirk, mouth ajaw, he squinted at the vaguely Dirk shaped blob. 

“.....What the hell?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Dirk. I can’t see shit. I’m blind without my glasses. Give them back.”

“Nope.” Dirk snatched his hand up and dragged John down the hall. “Too late man.” 

“You’re such an ass!” 

“Yes. Yes I am.” 

John scowled and squinted at every passing sign, trying to see if he could make anything out, but he was distracted by the soft grip Dirk had on him. As John expected, his hands were pretty calloused. His skin caught on John’s everytime their hands shifted. He was colder than John, but his fingers were thin, and they fit really well around John’s hand. He tried to stop from flushing. 

Dirk’s hand was distracting enough that John didn’t notice when Dirk pulled him through a door until everything went dark. He blinked rapidly in the dim theatre lighting while Dirk dragged him to his preferred seat, dropped John’s glasses back onto his nose, then sat. John, after a moment, sat too and got himself situated. 

“Are you seriously not going to tell me what movie we’re watching until it starts?”

“Yep.”

John turned to stare at him. “Why? Why do you do this?”

Dirk was quiet for a moment. John had meant it as a joke, but it seemed like Dirk was taking the question seriously. After a moment, he shrugged. “I thought you’d like it.”

John’s heart did a stupid flip in his chest. Swallowing thickly, John turned towards the previews, trying to get the feeling to subside. He paid attention to the trailers and commercials, shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth, and waited for the movie to start. 

When it did, and the opening music and visuals swelled, John slowly leaned over to Dirk almost disbelieving. “You had all that buildup for Jumanji two?”

“...Yep.” 

John hesitated. Side eyeing Dirk, he could easily dismiss the pause and tiniest twinge of doubt in Dirk’s voice. Assume it was a voice crack, and not that Dirk was actually nervous about John not liking it. Mouth twisting, John admitted to himself that he had been really excited when the movie had been announced. And he was getting excited while he watched. And something in him fluttered at the thought of Dirk knowing what he liked. 

“...It’s a good surprise.” 

He almost missed the small quirk of Dirk’s lips in the dark. John pretended he did so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge how his chest squeezed. 

***

John really liked the movie. It helped him get his mind off of Dirk, and was just genuinely fun. He expressed as much on their way back to the car, hands waving excitedly as they slid back into their seats to emphasise his point to an amused Dirk. 

“It was really so good! Thanks for picking this one, I really had a good time. Though I’m kind of surprised you did pick this movie?”

Dirk quirked a brow. “Why?”

“Well,” John buckled in then started the engine, “the first Jumanji movie was just a goofy comedy poking fun at tropes centred around interpersonal relationships and your relationship with yourself, but in a light way. It doesn’t seem like something you’d be too interested in.” Dirk stared at him. John shrugged. “I took a film course one semester. It was informative.” 

Dirk snorted. “And you just let me go off about how films work last time we went to a movie?”

“You were really getting into it! I didn’t want to slow your roll. And I’m still not sold on thinking of all films so academically when I could just enjoy them for what they are.” 

Shaking his head, but smiling, Dirk shrugged one of his shoulders. “You’re right, I wouldn’t pick that movie on my own. I just thought it was one you’d get a kick out of. And I did end up enjoying it. Ironically, obviously.” 

“Obviously,” John agreed, pulling out of their parking space. “Thanks again, then. I’m really glad you took me out to that one. I’ve wanted to see it for a while.” 

“Your welcome.” 

Some minutes later, John pulled back into Jake’s driveway. He turned to Dirk as he unstrapped and opened the passenger door. “You sure you don’t want me to drop you off at your place? It’s pretty late.” 

“Yep. I like late night walks. If you’re worried about me getting attacked, don’t worry. My ninja skills will save me.” 

Snorting, John got out himself. Dirk walked him up to the door (like it was a date), waiting for John to unlock the door and step inside before he started heading back. John turned from taking his shoes off to call after him. 

“You don’t want to step inside?” 

“Nah. Catch you later, Egbert.” 

“Okay,” John replied, a bit lamely. “Bye.” 

Slowly, he shut the door. Bullseye woke up from the sound, and leapt off the couch to come and greet him, tail wagging. John bent to pat him, replaying his interactions with Dirk in his head. 

It really did seem like a date, if John held the evening under a certain light. But he knew Dirk didn’t see it that way, so he couldn’t do that. Frowning, John lead Bullseye back into the living room to sit down and finally think. 

Taking a deep breath, he brought back the questions Rose had offered him. First, could he see himself with a dude? Not really. It was hard for John to imagine himself with anyone, let alone another man. But could he see himself with Dirk? 

John chewed over that one. Could he see himself dating Dirk? He’d just compared tonight to a date. And if he and Dirk were to date, he’d imagine it would go a lot like tonight did- light teasing, dumb shenanigans, some softer moments. He imagined him and Dirk on the couch, fighting over what movie to pick next, and making fun of each others taste because they were comfortable enough to know the other didn’t mean it. It sounded a lot like their current relationship, just with more hand holding, so John guessed he could sort of see himself dating Dirk. 

Next would he like being intimate with Dirk? To cuddle and kiss him and stuff? John frowned for a long moment, trying to imagine himself cuddling Dirk in bed or coming up behind him to press a kiss to his neck. It didn’t click right. 

John looked off to the side. Did that mean he only had weird friend feelings for Dirk after all? He liked how they acted now, but he couldn’t see them doing anything couple-like. Closing his eyes, John pressed a hand to his face and tried harder to see if anything came to mind when he thought about being close with Dirk in a dating way. 

He thought about curling an arm around Dirk’s shoulders while they watched something. About swinging their held hands as they walked down the road, teasing each other. About leaning in to kiss Dirk to make him shut up in the middle of a debate, then pulling away to claim he won. That would probably drive Dirk crazy. He thought about muttering about all his fears and insecurities to Dirk, late at night, and feeling the warmth of trust between them when Dirk did the same, both lying in opposite ways on the couch. He thought about how their legs would tangle, both in support and to reassure themselves that the other was actually there. He thought about it all and felt his heart swell with hope and something a lot more bittersweet. 

So. It was probably a yes, to both questions in regard to Dirk. John lifted his other hand off of Bullseye so he could press both palms into his eyes and take another deep breath. 

He definitely had feelings for Dirk, it seemed. He didn’t know what to do with that. He couldn’t just confess to Dirk, he was still getting over his breakup. But John also didn’t want to keep being weird around Dirk. John liked their friendship! It would be really sad if it came to an end because he couldn’t act normal. 

John dragged his hands down his face. He felt like he was back to square one, just with a lot less denial. Well, there was still some of that- a tiny bit of himself that couldn’t get it’s head around him liking a guy- but it was quieter since he talked to Rose. He was mostly just confused, now. Confused about what this all meant for his sexuality, confused about what it meant for him specifically, confused about what he’d tell his friends. Confused about what it meant for his relationship with Dirk. 

Ideally, he’d end up dating Dirk. That was the best case scenario. But it would probably take a long time, or never happen, because Dirk didn’t like him and was planning on getting back together with Jake the moment he got back. 

John’s heart clenched at the reminder, and he sighed. It was just a matter of time until Jake came back, and then Dirk would be all over him again. It was kind of painful to think about, now that John was accepting his feelings. 

Patting Bullseye off of his lap, John stood up and went to the bedroom, turning off the lights as he went. He shook off his jeans, then climbed into Jake’s bed. Bullseye trotted in behind him, jumping up and curling into a ball at his knees. John stared at the wall, kind of hating his feelings for a moment. 

He knew this wouldn’t be the end of the world. Dating was just one part of life, one John wasn’t that interested in. The last relationship he’d been in, he’d been seventeen, and it had ended amicably. He hadn’t even been looking for a relationship back then, it had just happened. And he liked it, but he was fine after it, and life continued. And life would continue. John found it a little dumb to get hung up about romance when there were a lot more important things to worry about. 

But still. He was just accepting his feelings, which came with the undoubtable knowledge that he couldn’t have Dirk. And that hurt. One day he would forget about these feelings, and he wouldn’t wish to see Dirk without his shades, or laughing, or smiling gently at him when his guard dropped, or saying something snarky just to get under John’s skin. Wouldn’t wish to hold Dirk’s hands in his and run his thumbs over Dirk’s calluses, or place a hand on his waist and pull him into what would no doubt be a dumb and clumsy dance, or hug him tightly until he was satisfied. Wouldn’t wish to kiss Dirk quiet, or play connect the dots with his freckles, or imagine sitting Dirk in his lap so Dirk could show him how to play some dumb game. He wouldn’t, but right now he was. 

John just found it stupid that he was coming up with all these soft little moments he could have if Dirk liked him back even if he knew it wouldn’t happen. But, he knew how the saying went. 

He could dream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're 2/3's of the way through this journey, and one boy has finally admitted to his feelings. Progress! I hope you've enjoyed, I've certainly adored seeing all of your reactions! I really love hearing from all of you, and try to reply to each comment I get. Thank you all for the support, it means a lot. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and I will see you next week! Seeya!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk brings over a Ghostbuster's game for him and John to play. He also realizes some things.

Dirk was fairly satisfied with the progress he’d made with opening John up yesterday. They’d had fun, and John had relaxed. It was nice to see John like that, smiling and calling him an ass. It was nicer to know he liked the movie Dirk picked. Which Dirk knew he would, but was good to see anyways. 

But Dirk knew it was just the tip of the iceberg. Just one day of hanging out wouldn’t fix whatever John was going through. He’d have to prod some more. After all, Dirk himself needed a lot of work to come back into society if he was in one of his moods. He just needed to find the right thing. And, if Dirk remembered correctly, when they were in middle school, Ghostbusters had basically been John’s life. Dave wouldn’t shut up about how obsessed he was with that and Con Air. Nostalgia had a way of opening others to their own emotions, so Dirk started looking up things related to both. 

After a couple google searches, Dirk found an old Ghostbusters game for the Playstation 2. Dirk didn’t own a Playstation. He owned an Xbox for the express purpose of playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 every so often, but Ghostbusters wouldn’t be compatible with that. So he also tracked down and bought an old Playstation 2 he could bring to the house and conveniently leave behind. 

Looking more into it, there was the old 2009 version, and a remastered version made in October 2019. Dirk took a quick peek at clips of both of their game plays, then decided to buy the old version. There was something much more entertaining about shitty game play and glitches that appealed directly to Dirk’s sense of humour. It was a nice middle of the road for him and John.

It took some effort to track down someone selling their old copy of the game, but once he did, he didn’t waste any time laying claim to it. 

If Dirk had taken a second to think about what he was doing, he would have seen how much effort he was putting into cheering John up. Might have even noticed it wasn’t the usual amount of effort he put into things when there was no holiday or birthday to be celebrated, even for close friends. Instead he asked for both the Playstation and the game to be shipped to his apartment, then texted John to see if he was free within the next couple of days. 

***

The moment both items arrived at his place, Dirk scooped them up, dumped them into a bag, then rushed off. He sent John a very quick message to let him know Dirk was on his way, a halfhearted warning. John still looked bemused when he answered the door, and even more so at the bag Dirk was lugging around. 

“Hey Dirk. What’s that?”

“You’ll see,” Dirk answered cryptically, pushing past John and walking into the living room. 

“Come in, I guess,” John drawled before shutting the door and following him in. He almost tripped over an excited Bullseye, who was racing between the two. “But seriously, what’s happening right now?”

Instead of responding, Dirk set the bag down and turned the TV enough to get at the cables. Taking out the Playstation, he started hooking it up, then centred the TV again. When he turned back to John, a controller in one hand and the game in the other, he waved them both a little. 

“We’re going to play a game.” 

John blinked, uncomprehending. “You came over unexpectedly just to play video games?” 

Rolling his eyes, Dirk motioned for John to take the controller and sit down. He did. “Yes. Now stop complaining and prepare to have fun.” 

John gave him a smile from the couch. “I didn’t know you had a Playstation. I thought it was just that Xbox that Dave complained about you taking from your Bro’s apartment.”

“Well I do,” Dirk lied, turning back to drop the game in, “and he got over it.” 

John giggled. Booting up the game, Dirk stepped back to make sure it and the Playstation worked. When it did, he nodded, then went to sit on the other end of the couch. He got a good view of the way John’s face lit up when he saw the game title. 

“Oh! Oh dude! I remember getting this when it came out!” He grinned wide. “I played it so much the disk got all scratched up and I had to throw it out.” He clicked into the game, grin somehow growing. “Awe man, that music really brings me back! It’s too bad they shut down the online servers, Jade and I had some good times there. Although she kept giving her skins animal heads, it was really weird. But she got mad whenever I called her a furry.”

Dirk couldn’t help but smile, too, as John giddily started up a new game. As expected, the graphics weren’t the best, and the voice acting was tingy. It wasn’t as glitchy as Dirk had been hoping, but it was bad enough- in an old way- to satisfy him. 

After some time of watching John play and ramble about the levels and the memories he had- Dirk hardly heard John really ramble, it was kind of nice to find something he really got going about- John seemed to realize something. 

“Wait, dude.” John turned to him with wide, honest eyes. “Did you go track down this game and get it just to come and play it with me?”

Dirk paused. “No. I was looking for some new shitty game to play and stumbled upon it in GameStop.”

“They don’t sell it in stores anymore. I checked after I broke my copy.” John narrowed his eyes. “And this isn’t the remastered version.” 

Dirk paused, again. “...You know about that?”

“I know everything Ghostbusters. Of course I knew about the remastering. I kind of wanted it, but it would never really capture the magic of playing the first one for the first time. So I decided not to get it.”

Dirk should have known John was just that much of a nerd. It was really undermining his casual cool kid persona. With nothing else to say that wouldn’t confess that he had spent a lot more time than he should have been searching for that copy, Dirk settled for a simple, “Huh.”

“Awe!” John set the controller aside and scooted across the couch to give him a hug. “That’s really sweet!” 

“Correction, I’m cool. You call Jane sweet. I’m the one who does cool shit without trying.”

“Shut up and accept my gratitude, Dirk.” 

Dirk rolled his eyes, but hugged back. It was longer than usual, but he couldn’t find it in himself to mind. 

“...It’s still a shit game, I meant that bit.” 

‘What!” John pulled away, and Dirk was sure he imagined the way John’s hands lingered on his shoulders for a moment longer. His face was twisted, aghast at Dirk’s statement. “No it’s not!”

“It’s lame and dorky, like you. Kind of boring, actually.” 

Determination lit in John’s eyes, and leaned back over to the other side of the couch to scoop up the controller, kicking Dirk lightly in the process. “I’m about to make you eat those words!” 

Dirk snorted, but settled back to get ‘proven wrong’ as John sat up and started playing again, thighs pressed together. 

***

“Okay,” John relented, about the millionth aimless side quest in, “It’s not as good as I remember.” 

“Vindication,” Dirk said, without feeling. His head was tilted back, staring at the ceiling, because that was somehow less boring than watching the game. 

“But it’s still not that bad!” 

“They had to remaster it for a reason John.”

“That’s because it was very popular! It’s just not to your taste!” John threw his hands up, almost sending the controller across the room. “Your taste is puppets and Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, which is a way worse game!”

Dirk snapped straight, staring at John. “You take that back.” 

“All you do is try to clip your skater through the map, and then it gets boring and lame. You don’t even do any of the missions or achievements because they’re so boring! It gets old quickly!” 

“Them's fighting words, Egbert.” Dirk twisted to face him fully, setting his shoulders back and planting his hands firmly for a better push off. “You better think about your next words carefully. And they better be an apology to King Tony Hawk himself for your slander.” 

John looked at him, seeming to actually be thinking about his next move. He took in Dirk’s stance, the not even paused game on the TV, and the controller in his hand. Coming to a conclusion, he turned back to Dirk, setting the controller on the coffee table before opening his mouth. 

“Pro Skater is a shit game.” 

Dirk lunged. John went down with a yelp, flailing as they slid off of the couch and onto the floor. Dirk got a good grip of John’s head under one arm and pushed his knuckles into his hair, ignoring how John bucked and twisted and complained loudly. 

“Say uncle, you little shit. Say Pro Skater is the best game to ever exist.” 

“Never!” 

“Well, then I guess you’re just going to be stuck here for the foreseeable- ghk!”

John jammed his fingers into Dirk’s sides, scraping his fingers down and causing Dirk to choke on a squeak and scramble away quickly. He put his hands on his sides, a little bewildered. 

He’d never been ticklish before. Many had tried to tickle him, all had failed. Until today. 

Looking delighted, John turned to him, fingers at the ready. “Oh, so you’re ticklish!” 

Dirk got into a defensive position. “I am no such thing. Ticklish who?” 

John only giggled, jumping at him to try getting at his sides again. It was all too easy for Dirk to deflect most of his jabs, it was only whenever Dirk got a hold of John to claim victory that John would get him and make him squirm away. He was surprisingly slippery. Dirk found himself grinning every time John managed to slip away, then come barrelling right back with no thought. Dirk wouldn’t say it was effective, but it was… well. It was kind of c-

His phone started ringing, just as Dirk pinned John down by the hips and was trying to get a hold of his hands. They both froze, a little flushed from wrestling and laughing, blinking at each other for a couple rings. 

“...You should get that.”

Dirk cocked a brow. “Are you going to take my distraction as an opportunity to overcome me?”

“Nope!” John waggled his fingers, hands spread in front of him in a passive gesture, before folding them over his chest. “I’ll be a good boy!” 

Dirk eyed John. On one hand, he absolutely did not trust that mischievous grin. He’d heard of one too many friends being on the receiving end of John’s pranks when they let their guards down. But on the other, it could be a client, or potential client, of Dirk’s. Which meant he’d have to take that chance. 

Keeping his narrowed eyes on John, who just smiled back, Dirk dug out his phone and answered without looking at the caller ID. “Dirk Strider speaking.”

“Hey hey!” Roxy’s voice sang over the phone. “Wassup?”

“Ah. Hello, Roxy. To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?”

John snorted, looking highly amused at his greeting for some reason. Dirk shushed him. 

“Just checking in. After your last call I was like, kinda worried? Just a little. Did everything work out?”

Well, seeing as Dirk was currently seated on John’s stomach, he’d say things had resolved themselves. “Yes, thank you. Listen, I’m kind of busy at the moment, could I call you back later?”

“Oh dip! Sure. You meeting with a client or something?”

“Not exactly,” Dirk drawled, hoping his expression was appropriately flat. “Just teaching a little shit not to dis Pro Skater.”

“You started it!” John groused, grinning far too wide to seem properly annoyed. “You besmirched the good name of Ghostbusters!”

“I buy you a game out of the goodness of my heart and this is how you repay me. That hurts, John. You’re being ungrateful, and it has wounded me deeply.” Dirk cocked a brow. “And you literally admitted it wasn’t as good as you remembered.” 

“Yeah, well. I’m winning!” 

“As the one currently seated on you and pinning you, I highly doubt that.” 

“It’s all a matter of perspective.” 

“There’s no relativity to you literally getting pinned.” Dirk sighed. “Do you hear what I have to deal with, Roxy?”

Roxy was silent for a long moment. Long enough that Dirk pulled the phone away from his ear to check if the call was still going through. When Roxy finally spoke, there was a grin in his voice. “I do. And I can hear that you’ve got your hands full! Call me when you’re free, ‘kay?”

“Sure thing. Later.” 

“Later!” 

Dirk pulled the phone away and hung up, slipping it onto the coffee table. “So, where were we?”

John immediately lunged at him the second his hand left his phone, fingers at Dirk’s sides. Dirk would deny to hell and back that he squealed. 

***

When Dirk got home, still smiling, having ‘accidentally’ left the Playstation and game with John, he dropped his keys on the nearest flat surface and dialled up Roxy again. A promise was a promise, even if he was slightly social-ed out and distracted by the memory of John’s delighted grin when Dirk agreed to let John teach him how to play. 

He walked towards the kitchen as the phone rang, pulling out the ingredients for fried rice. He’d been trying some of John’s teachings out recently, and had made some rice last night to try whenever he felt like it. And he felt like it. He didn’t have as many vegetables to use, but that was fine. 

Wedging the phone between his shoulder and ear, he grabbed a pan that would probably work, then the eggs. The line clicked to life as Roxy picked up. 

“Hey again!”

“Hi Roxy.” Dirk started heating up the pan, trying to remember if he needed to oil it. The answer was probably. He started rummaging around for any oil Jane might have stocked his cupboards with the last time she forced some actual food upon him. “My hands are free.” 

“Cool, cool. Good to know!” Roxy hummed. “You’re back at your place?”

“Yep.” He found the oil, and added some. Then doubted it was enough, and added some more. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Weeeeell, after I called I just so happened to pick up on something. When were you going to tell me that-” 

The phone slipped, almost falling off of Dirk’s shoulder and into the pan, and Dirk cursed. “Hold on Roxy, I’m going to put you on speaker. Holding the phone with my shoulder is inefficient it seems.” 

“Why are you holding the phone with your shoulder?” Roxy asked as he pressed the screen and set the phone on the counter. 

“I’m making dinner.” 

“Making dinner,” Roxy echoed, “as in… heating up ramen?”

“No. As in, trying to make fried rice.” Dirk pulled a knife out of the drawer and stared at the vegetables he did have, carrots and orange peppers, and figured he could just cut them however and it wouldn’t matter. “John taught me after I helped him with his homework.”

Roxy was silent for a long moment. “Wow. You’ve got it bad, huh?”

Dirk paused chopping the vegetables. He turned to look at his phone, brows furrowed. “What?”

“You’ve got it bad. When you were talking to Johnny I had my suspicions that you had a crush, but damn! What’s been happening over there?”

Slowly, Dirk leaned over to turn off the stove. He could almost hear John in his head saying ‘never leave the stove on unattended’. Placing his hands on the counter around the phone, he stared at it harder. “ _ What _ ?”

“It’s okay Di-Stri, you don’t gotta hide it from me. I see right through you!” Roxy giggled. “When were you going to TELL me you had a thing for John?”

“I don’t have a thing for John,” Dirk snapped, before he could think better of it. 

Roxy gasped. “Oh em gee, you don’t know yet?!”

“What I don’t know is what you’re talking about, because that’s not what’s happening.” 

“Dirk, you have SUCH a crush on that boy! You’re doing what you did with Jake when you wanted to get his attention!” 

“I am not!” 

“You SO are! Getting him gifts that combine your interests, making fun of him, wrestling as an excuse to touch him and challenge each other because that’s somehow what you imagine peak romance to be- have you stripped unnecessarily in front of him at the first chance you got yet?”

Dirk stared at the counter, not really seeing it. His face felt hot. He scowled. “...We had a food fight and he offered me the shower-” 

Roxy started cackling loudly over the line, and it bounced off the small kitchen’s walls. 

“-but that is not what I was doing! It was just easier to strip and wait for him to get out so I could clean off more easily and the washer was already filled with my clothes so he could just pop his in-”

“You waited outside the bathroom for him to get out?! Oh my GOD!” Roxy wheezed. “You can NOT tell me you didn’t do that just to get a glimpse of his bod!” 

“I did not, it was for the sake of efficiency,” Dirk hissed, knowing he was lying about that one. He had been curious about John’s body type, he was always wearing sweaters or slightly too big t-shirts. But that didn’t mean Dirk had a crush on him. “You are misreading this Roxy, and frankly, stepping into dangerous territory.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Roxy calmed down, but there was still a laugh in his tone. “But seriously, you’re doing the same things you did with Jake. It makes it really hard not to think that you’ve caught feelings for your resident good boy Johnny.”

“He’s not that good,” Dirk argued about the wrong thing entirely. 

“Except he is. I dated him for a couple months in grade eleven. He held all the doors open for me and insisted on taking me out for a picnic once a week with food he cooked. He’s the sweetest, most gentlemanly boy to exist, and is very good.” Roxy paused. “Not to diss Hal or anything, cause I love him lots.”

Dirk snorted. “Right. But here’s the thing Roxy. I can’t have a crush on him, because I’m waiting for Jake to get back. And I’ve only really known John for a month, the same amount of time Jake has been gone. If anything, I’ve been using my broship with John to distract me from that fact. And that is it.”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, Dirk felt a little sick. It felt terrible to insinuate he was only using John as a replacement until Jake got back, even subtly, as a way to win an argument. He knew John meant more to him than that, even non-romantically. And he knew Jake really was done, by now. He still wanted to talk to Jake when he got back, but as the days ticked by Dirk lost more and more hope of them ever getting back together. He’d been putting so much effort into cheering John up partially because he didn’t want to focus on letting Jake go. 

But maybe he should, just a little, if he was saying such bullshit things just to get Roxy off his back. 

Roxy sighed heavily. “You can logic your way out of this one all you want, but sooner or later you’ll have to face it. You’ve got something for John that isn’t just a distraction from your ex, who you haven’t spoken to in over a month. That’s actually plenty of time to heal and move on for some people!” 

But Dirk wasn’t most people. He clung and he bargained and he couldn’t let go. Even if Dirk did move on and find someone else, he doubted he’d ever truly stop loving Jake. It would just be more that he loved Jake, and still loved that version of him, probably. Was that even fair to whoever got stuck in a relationship with him next? Wouldn’t that be kind of shitty for mister tall dark and handsome who would possibly have blue eyes-

Dirk stopped himself there. That was dangerous thinking, that whoever he ended up with would be trapped while he longed for a love lost. And too dramatic for him. It probably wouldn’t happen that way, if at all. 

He hadn’t stopped himself just because his imaginary new boyfriend was starting to look suspiciously like John. Not at all. 

His silence seemed to say enough for Roxy, who began talking again, in a softer tone. “But if you’re not ready, don’t force yourself to move on or whatever. I could totally be off base. Sorry for pushing it, I just got excited.” 

Of course Roxy was apologizing to Dirk. He felt like it should be the other way around, but didn’t know what he’d be apologizing for. “It’s alright. I should hang up, I still need to make dinner.”

“Yeah, of course. Later Di-Stri.”

Dirk smiled a little at the nickname. It sounded like an olive branch. “Later, Ro-Lal.” 

He hung up. For a moment, he just stood there, looking at the prepared ingredients. He didn’t know if he was still up for making fried rice, in the midst of realizing he’d have to actually start moving on from Jake. It seemed like an impossible task, and would take up much more energy than cooking. He could just throw another ramen packet in the microwave and then go contemplate his new and emotionally taxing hurtle in the comfort of his workshop and not sleep all night because of it. 

But then he thought of actually making it, and sending a picture of the slightly burnt finishing product to John, who would get excited and congratulate him so genuinely it would make Dirk smile. They’d start talking about nothing of consequence, and Dirk wouldn’t be able to sleep for an entirely different reason, with his slightly less sad meal in his workshop. 

The scenario was enough to get him to flick the heat back on and keep cutting the vegetables. 

Maybe Roxy was onto something. 

“....Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That ticklish thing is something directly related to my dad. He's not ticklish, unless it's against my step mom's fingers. I have no idea how it works but it's very cute. And it's cute to imagine for the boys!
> 
> Thank you for all your support! We're nearing the final stretch, and both our boys finally know that they might have feelings for each other. So we're almost there!!! :DDD Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and I will see you next week!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk is the one acting a little strange this time. John tries to figure out what's wrong.

John was having a very weird couple of weeks. He’d realized he had feelings for his friend who came over to check if his ex was back from Europe, denied he had those feelings so hard he started ignoring Dirk and it got awkward to be around him, got help and finally actually admitted to the feelings, fully knew he couldn’t have the subject of his feelings because of aforementioned ex, spent a really good day with that subject, and now that subject was acting kind of weird and John didn’t know what to do. 

Broken down like that, it kind of sounded like he was in some drama. Maybe that’s what everyone’s lives sounded like broken down though. John didn’t have anything to compare it to but TV, and he knew by now that TV was not a good example of how people lived their lives. 

It was kind of weird, having a crush on a guy. Once John admitted to it, he could tell that part of his confusion was that it felt different. He’d had crushes on girls before, but they didn’t feel like this. John couldn’t say what was different, or how, it just was. And it was a little easier to be around Dirk without acting like a fool than it had been with girls. 

He tried not to dwell so much on it. Thinking about his crush on Dirk led to thinking about dating Dirk which led to thinking about how he couldn’t have Dirk. It was a depressing train of thought. So John tried to only think about Dirk when he interacted with him and took up the rest of his time with school, the animals and pumpkins, and his friends or hobbies. So far, it was working. His life didn’t revolve around Dirk, and his feelings felt a lot less consequential when he was doing other stuff. 

But Dirk had been acting a little weird after he’d brought and forgotten the Playstation. He wasn’t avoiding John, and most of his replies were normal. There was just… something off. Not as many snide comments, less witty comebacks. Sarcasm only when John set himself up for it. There was something about it that set John off and made him comb over his own replies to see if it was something he said. When nothing obvious popped out, he stared at his phone, stumped. 

Maybe he was seeing things that weren’t there. Everything had been pretty normal, and John was pretty sure he hadn’t let it slip that he had a crush on Dirk to Dirk or anyone else. Maybe he was just being paranoid. Or maybe Dirk was just working on a tricky project, and had to put more focus into it than usual. John shrugged, resolving to put it out of his mind and continue on as if he hadn’t noticed anything. 

Except he next time Dirk came over to feed Caliborn, he was even weirder in person. John opened the door and greeted Dirk, got a clipped ‘sup’ in response, and that had been the extent of their conversation up to this point. 

John was watching Dirk drop the dumb frozen rat into the tank, taking in anything about him that could solve this weird problem. But Dirk’s body language was entirely casual. It was like any other time they did this, except Dirk wasn’t talking and John didn’t know where to start. 

It felt worse, somehow, knowing he couldn’t even figure out what was wrong with the person he liked. He’d only been friends with Dirk for about a month, sure, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t be able to read Dirk’s moods. And he could! He could tell something was off. But that’s where the extent of his knowledge stopped. 

John examined Dirk carefully. He was staring pretty intently into Caliborn’s tank, almost like he was psyching himself up for something. It almost felt rude to interrupt Dirk when he was obviously thinking so hard, but John wanted to know if he could help with whatever was bothering Dirk. 

“So! How have you been?”

Dirk shrugged, not looking away from the tank. “Alright. Finished a couple commissions, nothing of note though. You?”

“About the same. School, nothing really interesting.”

Dirk hummed. The room lulled back into silence. Searching desperately for a topic of discussion, John looked around the room. His eyes landed on Bullseye, at Dirk’s feet, laying silently and just enjoying being in the same room as them. 

“Hey,” he said, and Dirk glanced at him, “want to go for a walk?” 

Dirk raised a brow, finally turning to him. “...A walk?”

“Yeah.” John shrugged, trying to be casual, but probably failing. “I haven’t taken Bullseye for one yet, it’s a nice day, and I want to hang out. So, why not?”

Dirk was silent for a moment. He looked back at the tanks, and from the side, John could see the way the muscles in his jaw jumped. Dirk mulled it over, slipping Caliborn’s tank lid back into place. Then he shrugged, too. 

“Sure.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Any specific place in mind?”

“There’s a park a couple blocks from here. We can head over there.” John started backing out of the room. “I’ll grab Bullseye’s leash.”

Dirk nodded, and John slipped into the hall, going into Jake’s room to grab it. Bullseye trailed after him, and barked excitedly when he saw the leash in John’s hands. John smiled and leaned down to hook it to Bullseye’s collar, thanking the dog when he sat and waited politely for it to be clipped on. Then the dog took off down the hall towards the door, practically dragging John with him. It was very cute, and helped John relax some before he went to pry some answers out of Dirk.

The downside of it was that John had practically no time to formulate a plan before him and Dirk had their shoes on and were out the door. They walked the first couple blocks in silence, John occasionally pointing the way they were going for Dirk’s benefit. Bullseye trotted in front of them, happy and oblivious, just taking in the day. 

It wasn’t until they turned into the park and started down one of the paths that John finally spoke. “So, what’s bothering you?”

Dirk barely startled, shoulders tensing for half a second before he relaxed and looked at John, trying for casual. “What do you mean?”

John raised his eyebrows at Dirk, hoping he was masking his nerves well. “Dude, something’s obviously off. You can talk to me, I won’t judge or tell anyone or whatever.” 

“John, as much as I appreciate the offer, I do feel the need to say that there is nothing bothering me aside from the typical shit my brain throws at me. But I can handle that. I’m sorry if you perceived strange behaviour in myself. Where would you get the idea that I’m not okay?”

“Well, for starters, you didn’t make fun of me when I told you I stayed up all night playing Ghostbusters the game. Or when I spelled it ‘Ghost busters’. You always correct my dumb reverse contractions!” 

“So you admit they’re dumb.” 

“Dirk.” John gave him a look. When Dirk stayed resolute, lips pressed thin, John softened and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You know you can talk to me, right man? I probably won’t always understand, but I want to be there for you. It’s okay to not be the coolest thing in existence for a couple minutes so you can get some stuff off your chest.” 

Dirk stayed silent for a long moment. He looked at John, and it was hard to see the expression on his face. John tried to make his own expression as open and genuine as possible. Finally, Dirk’s jaw relaxed, and he sighed, looking ahead again. 

“It’s really nothing, your concern is disproportionate to my troubles. But, out of respect for you and our budding friendship, I will tell you my woes in intimate detail. There will be a puppet show to illustrate my point, and a test at the end. Everything I say will be on it. If you lose, you’ll have to organize my puppet collection and I won’t tell you how I like it until you get it right.”

John snorted. “I’ll be sure to pay extra special attention then.” 

Dirk gave him a slight smile, which faded into a neutral frown. “It’s mostly troubles I’ve expressed before. Others telling me what I should do or what I’m feeling, butting their opinions into my life when I certainly did not ask for them. And the whole Jane thing, because I haven’t apologized yet and we haven’t spoken in a month.” 

“Oh, ouch.” John winced in sympathy. “When were you planning on talking to her, anyways? Because waiting can sometimes lower the intensity of her anger, but other times it just ends up simmering because the other person takes too long.” 

“I know. I was planning to wait until after Jake came back and I got to talk to him, but seeing as it has been a month now I might have to talk to Jane before that.” 

John’s heart sunk. He glanced away, trying to swallow the sudden dumb hurt he felt. “Oh. You’re still going to do that?”

“Yeah. And I suppose that’s another point to my acting odd, but he’s been gone so long now I’ve gotten used to it.” Dirk shrugged. “But I am still planning to talk to him the moment he gets back. We have a lot to discuss.” 

All the response John could muster for a moment was a ‘huh’. He knew, logically, that Dirk was still planning to get back together with Jake when he came home, but hearing it confirmed was another thing entirely. He wanted to tell Dirk that he didn’t think that was such a good idea, wanted to be a little selfish under the guise of complete concern for his well being, but Dirk had just said others were giving him unwanted advice he didn’t like. It would be rude of John to do the same, and not his place. So he swallowed his selfishness and sent Dirk a smile. 

“I hope that goes well, whenever it happens.”

Dirk huffed. “Yeah. Whenever.” He went quiet, looking at his feet, then shrugged like he was rolling something off of his shoulders. “But I’m more concerned about the Jane thing, to be honest. Trying to make up for my doucheness is going to be much harder than talking to Jake.”

“Would you… like some  _ wanted _ advice about that?” 

A smile twitched at the corners of Dirk’s mouth. “You know what, sure. Hit me with your wisdom, Egbert. Let’s see what you’ve got rolling around in that brain of yours.” 

John rolled his eyes and knocked their shoulders together, taking the pause to think. “Well, Jane’s one of my oldest friends. She’s basically family, with how my Nanna and her Poppop were so close. Same with our dads! The Egbert and Crocker families have a long standing friendly tradition.” 

“You mean the infamous pranking wars?”

“That’s part of it, but no. My point is, I’ve basically known Jane my whole life. She’s like another cousin, which means I’ve definitely gotten on her nerves a lot of times before. There was this one time I completely ruined a date she had back in high school by making the pie she baked for it explode. She wouldn’t talk to me for weeks!” John looked at Dirk. “And apologizing to Jane takes a lot of work. She can really hold a grudge. You just have to be persistent, and make a good honest and personal effort. She’ll come around if you really mean it.” He paused. “Not that I meant any of the apologies I gave. She’s still mad about that pie thing.” 

That startled a laugh out of Dirk. John grinned at him, feeling victorious, even as Dirk shook his head at John. 

“Of course. But that’s some pretty good wanted advice. Thanks.”

“Any time!”

They walked a couple moments in silence. Then Dirk looked at him again. “Why didn’t you give me this advice when I first told you Jane was mad at me?”

John shrugged. “We were barely friends then. It didn’t seem like my place to go much further than ‘if you grovel she might consider forgiving you’.” 

Dirk hummed. “Can’t say I didn’t appreciate it. Come to think of it, that was also a time in which I was receiving tons of unwanted opinions.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think another one would go over that well with you.”

“Rude. But correct.” 

John laughed. “Speaking of unwanted advice. Want to talk about that? You said it was one of the things bothering you, and I want to exploit this heart to heart for all it’s worth before you decide showing emotions is lame again and go back to being a stony faced asshole.”

Dirk shoved his shoulder, and John went with the motion, giggling, before slipping back beside Dirk. He was given an unimpressed look, to which he grinned at. Dirk huffed, then looked forward, face smoothing out in thought. John was beginning to notice that the harder Dirk thought, the better his poker face got. Which meant that it was usually pretty good, because Dirk thought hard a lot. 

Well. As long as he had his shades on, that was. 

Dirk looked at him again. John smiled back, encouraging. Dirk looked down, then away, then back again. “Nah, it’s cool. I’ve got that part covered.” 

“Oh.” John didn’t want to pry, but he was pretty sure that it was affecting Dirk more than he was letting on, if it took him that long to think about what to say. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Come on, I’m pretty sure there’s a coffee shop near here that gives out dog treats with your purchase. Want anything?”

***

When John got back to Jake’s house, he was still thinking about what was bugging Dirk. The rest of the walk had gone fine- they’d grabbed drinks and snacks and walked until they finished both, then headed back and said goodbye on the sidewalk because Dirk had a client to meet with- and Dirk had bounced back to acting like himself. But it still bugged John. 

He didn’t think he was entitled to know everything about Dirk, and he didn’t want to pressure Dirk to tell him things he didn’t want to tell. But he still wanted to do something for him, to make everything easier. Dirk was a stressed out guy. There had to be something John could do for him that would make him relax and forget his troubles for a bit. Something besides dragging him out to the movies. 

Leaning down to undo Bullseye’s leash, John spoke in an excited tone. “What do you think, Bullseye? What can we do to help Dirk, huh? Got any ideas?”

Bullseye wiggled and yipped at his tone. As soon as the leash was off, he bolted across the house, straight to the back door. He sat his butt right in front of it, then looked back at John. Whined. Pawed at the door like he hadn’t been let outside a day in his life.

John gave him his flattest look. “We just went for a walk. You can’t have to pee already!” 

Bullseye whined, then leaned his head back and howled softly. It made John feel like a monster for denying him anything. Sighing heavily, John walked over to unlock and open the back door. 

“Okay, okay! But don’t say I never did anything for you.” 

Bullseye took off the moment it was open, racing excitedly around the yard. John watched him with a smile. Jake trained Bullseye really well, he didn’t mess with the pumpkin patch or go too far into the woods. There was no fence between the yard and the treeline, so it had probably been a pretty big concern for Jake. Worth putting his time and effort into training to make sure his puppy didn’t get lost. 

Looking into the woods, the thin foliage that got harder to see through the deeper it went, John wondered if they were explore-able. He was pretty convinced Jake had only gotten this place because of the woods. It was easy to imagine Jake trotting into the woods like he was about to face some grave evil and defeat it. The image made John giggle, but it did get him thinking. 

It was often said nature was peaceful. Refreshed the mind. And while John knew Dirk wasn’t a big nature guy, maybe if he got the right things, Dirk would find it nice. 

Grinning wide, slowly formulating a plan, John jumped in place excitedly. “That’s it! Thanks Bullseye!” 

Bullseye paused in zooming around the yard to howl back, having no clue what was happening but loving John’s excitement. John ducked back into the house to get everything ready, knowing it would be great. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter this time. But hey! A serious talk between John and Dirk! Ain't that something? Not that Dirk told John about what was really bothering him ;)))
> 
> Thank you for all your support! I've gotten so many sweet amazing comments, and every kudo's gives me so much joy. I'm really glad people are enjoying this! Take care of yourselves, stay safe, and there will be more to come! Love you! :DDD


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John invites Dirk over, while Dirk just wants to lock himself away and think things through. It's the best possible outcome.

It was hard for Dirk to say no to anything John asked when he flashed those big blue honest eyes at him, genuine concern and care in the set of his mouth. So hard, in fact, that it almost made Dirk blurt out everything that was on his mind at once. He only avoided doing so on the walk by looking mostly anywhere but John. 

It was easier to ignore or refuse anything John asked him over text without the guilt of seeing disappointment darken the light in his eyes. But somehow John figured out that his face was Dirk’s kryptonite, because when John texted him ‘ EB: hey, want to come over? ’, and Dirk was planning on saying no, John sent a picture of himself honest to god  _ pouting  _ at the camera. So, obviously, Dirk responded ‘ TT: Sure, be right there. ’, even though he had planned on holding himself up in his workshop for the next couple of days, and got up to get ready. He cursed himself all the way out the door. 

Dirk just needed a couple days by himself, in the comfort of his own place, distracting his hands with his projects until his brain rebooted and the answers he was seeking became clear. Sure, the process also included ignoring everyone that existed and barely eating or sleeping, but it was a small price to pay for perfect clarity. And Dirk was in desperate need of a couple of answers. 

The first was the most obvious. He still wanted to talk to Jake, but now that he wasn’t really aiming to get back together with him, Dirk didn’t know what to say. He needed- wanted- closure. It would probably break him for a while, but he and Jake deserved to have one last conversation about their relationship before they decided if they could stay friends or not after everything. 

The next was if he was actually crushing on John. Roxy had made some really good points, especially about Dirk’s particular brand of flirting, and he wanted to examine that and figure out if it was something he wanted to pursue. It was just as likely that Dirk was rebounding, and John didn’t deserve that. Roxy was right, John was the sweetest guy. It would suck if Dirk thought he was crushing on the dude just to find out, no, he was just using John as a replacement for his ex to get over his messy as fuck breakup. 

But no, instead of doing that obviously logically sound thing, Dirk was on his way to Jake’s house for the millionth time to see John. None of that sounded like a good idea when he was confused about both people in that sentence. But he’d told John he’d be over, so he was going over. 

Even if it turned out that Dirk didn’t have a real crush on John, he definitely had a soft spot for him. That was worrying enough to warrant its very own closed off  ~~breakdown~~ eventual breakthrough. 

Dirk tried to push all of that out of his mind when he approached Jake’s door. He was there now, and he could dwell on everything again after he left. But John time was pretty solidly John time. 

Dirk tried not to think about how important ‘John time’ had become to him, or that he was calling it ‘John time’ to begin with as he knocked. There was barking, then a ‘coming’, and John opened the door a second later. He grinned excitedly when he saw Dirk, eyes bright in the sun, and instead of letting Dirk inside he stepped outside in his shoes. 

“Hey Dirk!”

“Sup.” Dirk raised a brow. “We going somewhere?”

“Yeah! Well, I mean, not really.” John nudged Bullseye further inside and closed the door, then slipped past Dirk and down the stairs. “Just around back. I’ve got something for you!” 

“Oookay. Going to tell me what that is or should I just assume you invited me over to slime me or something?”

John laughed, giving him a grin over his shoulder instead of answering. Dirk resigned himself to getting willingly pranked, as long as it didn’t fuck with his hair. Maybe he could turn it back on John, that would be hilarious to watch. 

Dirk trailed after John as he led them around the side of the house, through the latch gate and into the backyard. Dirk expected John to stop there, but he kept going across the yard to the beginning of the woods. Dirk stopped in the middle of the yard, staring suspiciously at John until he noticed Dirk wasn’t following. When he did, he turned around, expression amused. 

“I’m not going to prank you, Dirk.”

“You say that, and yet, I find it hard to believe you. Because you’re either leading me into the woods to prank me, or murder me. And before I let you, I’d just like to know what of my many annoying traits finally did it in for you. For most, I’d expect it to be my collection of puppets, because they’d think they were getting me before I got them. Depending on who it is, they might not be entirely wrong. But you’ve never laid eyes on my puppets, so the question stands.” 

John rolled his eyes. “You’re so weird. Come on, you’ll see what this is soon enough!”

Dirk watched John trot into the woods, then sighed and followed. The nice, sunny day was partially blocked when Dirk stepped into the shade of the trees. He glanced around at the familiar foliage, trying to keep the memories of him and Jake fooling around back here at an arm's length. It was easier to follow John deeper in when he did. 

When the house behind them was barely visible through the trees, John stopped and waved him over. Doing so, Dirk’s gaze caught on a hammock tied between two trees, a table with a stack of books set to the side. There was a tarp tied a bit above the hammock to shade it. Dirk stared for a moment, uncomprehending, and turned to John. John looked very excited, practically buzzing with energy. Dirk’s look seemed to be prompt enough for him, because he jumped forward and motioned to it. 

“You’ve been stressed and thinking really hard lately, so I did this so you could spend at least some time relaxing! And before you say something dumb like ‘I don’t know how to relax’,” John tapped the stack of books, “I brought some philosophy books and new mangas to keep your brain busy. And if you need anything, you can just message me and I’ll bring it out! But otherwise I’ll leave you alone, no messaging or anything. You’ll be in complete solitude!” 

Dirk’s mouth opened, then shut. Slowly, he stepped over, looking at his selection. Socrates, Plato, Boku No Hero Academia, Aristotle. A few other names and titles jumped out at Dirk as he traced a finger down the spines, something warm filling his guts. Not everything there was to Dirk’s tastes, but John tried his hardest, and Dirk couldn’t fault him for that. 

“Thank you, John.” Dirk’s voice came out softer than he expected. “This is fucking rad.” 

John’s face lit up even more, if that was physically possible. “Great! I’ll leave you to it then. Have fun!”

He waved, then turned and bounced back the way they’d come. Watching him for a long moment, Dirk couldn’t stop his smile. Or the way his fingers shook a little when they reached over to the hammock so he could angle it and sit, knees a little weak. Lifting his legs and laying, enjoying the slight rocking motion and the shade the tarp above provided, Dirk reached over to pluck the first book off of the stack to read. 

Except he found himself unable to focus. The words on the pages meant absolutely nothing to him when his mind was filled with thoughts of John. John, who had somehow guessed exactly what he needed while still getting the ‘why’ wrong. John, who picked up on his down mood through the smallest things and instantly worked to try making him feel better. John, who gave him this little silent spot to think and read and relax, away from the cramped and deprived workshop he left in his apartment, all to get him away from his problems. 

John, who gave him butterflies and made him laugh and wrestled with him and threw back just as much shade as he got and smiled like nothing mattered and gave him room to breathe and touched him oh so carefully and was so open and honest and-

And Dirk couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been to even consider his feelings as rebound. Safe in this little spot of woods, away from the world, away from the self-appointed oppressing atmosphere he’d created in his apartment, away from prying eyes or ears who might pounce on him for showing the slightest hint of vulnerability, he allowed himself to fully feel just what it was that had been building and building in him since he first became friends with John. To feel what he’d been too distracted by thoughts of Jake and the breakup to acknowledge. To feel the most deeply he had in what felt like years. 

Dirk would say it sort of felt like waking up, if he was holding back. Like being brought back to life after killing his emotions, if he were honest. Like opening his eyes fresh to the world, ready to explore like a fucking new born doe, if he was being dramatic. Thankfully, he didn’t have to say any of that, because he was alone, in the woods, on a hammock that John set up for him. And he was grinning like a moron. 

After a few more futile moments of trying to read, Dirk gave up and set the book back down. He laid on the hammock, staring up, one leg hanging out and swinging so he could keep himself rocking. It was so quiet and peaceful. Typically, places like that made Dirk antsy. He liked the quiet, but mostly if it was accompanied by him tinkering or working or making any sort of progress. But he didn’t quite know what to do with ‘peaceful’. 

He could feel his mind already starting to race, coming up with a million ‘what if’s and reminding him John was most likely straight and generally trying to ruin his good mood. But John made this little bubble for him, so Dirk was going to actually enjoy it for as long as he could and shove aside as many of those dumb thoughts as possible. Which included picking back up the book and actually reading it while trying to process his ‘new’ feelings. 

Dirk wasn’t that far into the book when John came back, a can of orange soda in one hand and a plate of cheese and crackers in the other. Dirk looked up from his book, and gave John a little smile, which was returned in full. 

“Hey Dirk! Just checking in. And bringing you a snack, because I don’t actually know if you had lunch yet or not.”

“I haven’t,” Dirk said, sitting up, “but that’ll do. Thanks.”

“Sure!” John set both items on the table, next to the books. “How are you liking it? Do you need me to bring out headphones, or a pillow or whatever?” 

“Nah, I’m good. This is plenty.” Dirk paused, looking at John. Then he swung his feet over the side of the hammock, adjusting so he could lean back sideways, and said, “Actually, I could use a bit of company.” 

“Oh!” John looked surprised. The glint of mischief flashed across his expression, and his grin widened. “Well I can call someone for you right away! Who’d you want? Pick anyone, I have a one hundred percent success rate.”

Dirk gave John a flat look. John just grinned back, surprisingly good at keeping a straight face. Dirk rolled his eyes. “Well, how can I refuse an offer like that? I’ll go with Martin Luther King. Or Bayard Rustin, his gay right hand man, because everything can be a little gayer.” 

John’s expression quieted in thought. “Well, that would include a plane ticket, a seance and or grave robbing. But I think it’s possible!”

“Just get over here, asshat.” 

Giggling, John walked over and sat on the hammock. Shifting, Dirk tried to give him more room, but the nature of the hammock kept them pressed side to side. Not that Dirk was complaining. John leaned back, one of his arms behind Dirk’s back to get comfortable. He looked a little red in the face, but still managed to grin at Dirk when he looked. 

“Can you pass me the My Hero Academy book?” 

“Sure.” 

Dirk did so with some difficulty. John giggled at him, but soon they were both relaxing with their own respective books. John kept the hammock swinging, apparently unable to sit still in any place or situation, and Dirk appreciated it. He was even able to almost ignore John’s arm partially supporting him as they silently read, in their own little worlds, but together. It was the kind of peaceful Dirk could get into. 

He wondered if this was what it would be like if they were dating. Or living together. Just existing in each other's space, thighs pressed against each other, quietly doing their own things. It sounded nice. There’d been plenty of moments like that with Jake, where one of them would go over to the others and they wouldn’t end up doing anything. Just doing their own things, or making out. 

Making out with John sounded really nice right about now. But he wouldn’t try, because he and John were friends and suddenly attacking someone’s face with yours was generally frowned upon. So Dirk sat quietly, keeping it in his mind, but definitely eyeing John out of the corner of his shades. 

John’s face was a lot more lax than it usually was. John was so expressive, Dirk was used to seeing him with at least two emotions at a time. He was most animated when he was watching a movie he loved, mouthing along to the script, practically bouncing at the tense moments or action scenes, expressing true relief when everything turned out okay even if he’d seen the movie a thousand times. Even when he was studying, John’s brows furrowed, and he chewed on his lip. The closest Dirk had seen to this John was the one who taught him how to cook, who was focused but still patient and proud when Dirk did something right. The specific John sitting next to him was none of that, just quiet and relaxed and content. It was sort of amazing to see. 

It also made Dirk realize how many of John’s mannerisms he’d memorized and familiarized himself with. Looking back at his own book, Dirk almost snorted at his own idiocy. Of course he would, he memorized everything about the people he fell for so he could woo them more easily. Not that he was planning on wooing John any more than he had already tried. Unwittingly tried. Or maybe he hadn’t really tried, because if he didn’t know he was flirting then it just wasn’t flirting. 

Focused on his own thoughts, Dirk didn’t notice when John looked at him and smiled fondly. 

He did notice, however, when the hammock creaked under both of them. John stopped swinging it. Something at one of the ends snapped. Dirk and John had a moment to look at each other before the entire thing collapsed under their weight. 

Dirk grunted as his ass hit the ground hard, his reclined position causing him to flatten out. John yelped. The book jostled out of his hands and hit him in the chest, then slid to the side. 

They laid there for a minute, winded, processing what happened and the aching in the parts they landed on. Then John giggled. Dirk couldn’t help but grin, especially when John’s giggle turned into full laughter. After a moment, Dirk raised his hands to his face, laughing right alongside him. 

“Fuck,” Dirk said with feeling, “that was so stupid.” 

“All of my hard work, gone to waste.” John agreed, looking at the frayed end that snapped. 

“Yep, all of your work. Can’t believe you can’t even check if your hammock is breaking or not.” 

“Hey! First of all, this is technically Jake’s hammock. And second of all, this probably happened because you were sitting in it and it messed it up or something!” 

“It didn’t start breaking until you sat your hunk ass down. Face it John, this is your fault, one way or another.” 

“Well!” John threw his hands up. “You were the one who invited me to sit!”

Dirk paused. “I did do that. That was my bad.” 

That got John laughing again. Shaking his head, but not bothering to hide his smile, Dirk stood and brushed himself off. He stooped to grab their books and place them back on the stack. When he turned to offer John a hand, John’s eyes were already on him, something incredibly soft in them. Dirk willed himself not to blush like an anime schoolgirl and put a hand out. 

“Come on. That was enough relaxing for me for one day, let's go back inside and rage at some teens in online games, like God intended.” 

John grinned and took his hand. “Sounds like a plan!” 

Dirk helped John up, and when they went to head inside, Dirk almost didn’t let go of his hand. 

Almost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah my boys are so soft when the riff on each other, such good babies ;u; We're in the final stretch! Just a couple more chapters and this one is done. Thank you all for your lovely comments, each one means a lot to me! I love them all so much!!! And if any of you want to come scream at me about this, my tumblr is @sammy-witch-of-heart which is my homestuck blog, or @benevolent-deity which is my regular one. Thank you for all your support!!! I love y'all, stay safe and healthy, and I will see you next week~!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Happening :)))

Things had become… almost softer, between John and Dirk, after John set up that hammock for him. They’d still tease each other, call each other asses, but it felt like it went from friends poking at each other to something akin to tugging on a girl’s pigtails. Not that it was a perfect comparison, because John thought the whole ‘if he’s picking on you he likes you’ situation in grade school was really weird and not right, but it was fine if John and Dirk were tugging on each other's pigtails. Not that they had pigtails. And John was the one with feelings, so he was technically the only one tugging on hair. Which sounded stupid, and he was just going to scrap the entire metaphor. 

The point was, something about the way Dirk and John interacted had gotten a lot more warm and familiar, and it filled John with sparkling juice every time. His fingers tingled, his heart had fizzing bubbles, and he couldn’t stop grinning like there was something sweet on his tongue. He didn’t know when, or why, it changed, but he liked it. It was a good change. It made John excited to talk to Dirk, which he’d been doing over text practically every minute since Friday. It was only the day before yesterday, but it felt a lot longer to John. 

That was why he was inviting Dirk over to watch some movies. He said Dirk could choose what movies they watched this time, since last time Dirk came over to do that John had only put on Nic Cage films. And it was the only way to get Dirk to agree- he’d been suspicious about John’s intentions when he first asked. Which, fair. John probably would have put on Ghost Dad or something. 

When Dirk had shown up with six DVD’s, all with one word in common, John thought he might regret his decision. Instead of saying that, though, he slapped on his usual smile and pushed down the newer addition of butterflies in his stomach and opened the door wider for Dirk. 

“Hi Dirk!”

“Sup.” Dirk stepped inside, heading for the living room. “Are you ready to have your mind blown by these ironic flicks, John? Are you mentally prepared for a night of dumb as fuck horror that’s actually genius because it’s so absolutely stupid?”

“I don’t know,” John responded honestly, closing the door and joining Dirk. “What are you putting on?” 

Dirk raised the first case, which simply read ‘Leprechaun’, depicting a very old picture of a woman in green light. John stared at it for a long moment, trying to decide if he was actually going to subject himself to seeing a movie called ‘Leprechaun’ that Dirk had described as a ‘dumb as fuck horror’. He thought about it for too long, because Dirk made the decision for him by opening the case and putting the DVD in the player. 

“You got some orange soda?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Let me grab it.” John let Dirk fiddle around with the settings while he went to grab the pop and popcorn, calling over his shoulder. “Did you bring the entire series of this movie?”

“Nah, I left out _ Leprechaun In The Hood _ cause it’s super racist and phobic and  _ Leprechaun: Origins _ because it just plain sucked. So it’s just the other six for us tonight.” 

Brows furrowed, John brought back the snacks and drinks, placing them on the coffee table. “I thought I saw  _ In The Hood  _ in your pile?” 

“Nope, that’s  _ Leprechaun: Back 2 Da Hood _ , which somehow has a more racist name but a less racist premise.”

“Huh. Sounds terrible.” 

“It is. You’ll love it.” 

John picked up a pillow and smacked Dirk in the back of the head with it. Dirk snatched the pillow out of John’s hands and whipped it back at him, smacking John in the face. John squawked, shoving it aside and fixing his glasses while Dirk got up and sat next to him on the couch. 

It was closer than they usually sat. Dirk’s leg was almost pressed to John’s. Not that he minded, but it did make it hard to focus on the TV when Dirk pressed play. The butterflies invaded at full speed, racing up his throat to his head, filling his mind with too many thoughts. 

Staring hard at the screen, John tried to focus, but Dirk’s warmth next to him was incredibly distracting. Although, the opening scene was just as distracting, if not more so, and John was thrown into the familiar feeling of instantly loving a classic when he managed to pay attention. He leaned forward, both to see the TV better and to put some space between himself and Dirk, watching with wide eyes. Dirk sniggered at him. 

“Told you you’d like it.” 

John shushed him. 

***

“Okay,” John started, “I know I said I really liked the first one. And I did! It was fun, cool and good. It’s a good movie to watch when Halloween comes up. I liked the cheesy old special effects. But Dirk, Dirk.” John turned to him, eyes pleading. “We have to stop. Two was bad. Three is worse. This isn’t fun, cool and good anymore. It’s just bad.”

“No can do John,” Dirk kept his face towards the screen, “after this we’re only halfway through. You don’t stop a series halfway through. That’s like only watching the first Lord Of The Rings on its own. It’s slander. As a practised film connoisseur, I thought you’d know this, John. I am highly disappointed in finding out otherwise.” 

“They’re not even chronological. They have nothing to do with each other. The leprechauns aren’t even the same, they all have different powers and ways to die.” 

“Sure do. It’s called world building, maybe look it up sometime.” 

“ _ Dirk, _ ” John despaired, leaning into him, “ _ please. _ I can’t take much more. I’m sorry for forcing you to watch all that Nic Cage. If this is your revenge, I get it, I won’t make you sit through that much sweet sweet Cage again. I’ll keep it to myself.”

Dirk patted John’s arm, eyes still glued to the screen. “Good to know. And the apology is accepted. Still not going to turn it off, though.” 

Groaning, John lifted his hands to his face. He was starting to regret liking Dirk so much, because he wasn’t even thinking of shoving the popcorn kernels down Dirk’s shirt for this. Which he could still do, but he wouldn’t, mostly because he didn’t know if he could handle seeing Dirk shirtless again. And he had no doubt Dirk would simply take his shirt off and throw it in the wash. After wrangling his ass to the ground, of course. 

Dirk took a sip from his fourth orange soda. John had kept grabbing them for Dirk because it was his only break from the terrible chaos in front of him. Finally turning to look at John, Dirk eyed him carefully. 

“I’m unclear on what the exact issue is here. Like you said, you can watch hours of Nicolas Cage without blinking. I don’t see how this is any different.” 

“Because Nic Cage is awesome and this dumb green gremlin isn’t!”

“Gremlins is an entirely separate franchise. I’m beginning to think this is just because of your giant fucking hard-on for anything Cage, and has nothing to do with this movie. Is that it, John? Are you just weirdly attracted to Sir Nicolas?”

“Obviously! He’s a dreamboat!” John threw his hands in the air, exasperated. 

Dirk snorted, but regained control of his expression quickly. He stared John down, resting an elbow on the back of the couch. “And the Leprechaun isn’t?”

John burst into loud laughter. Flopping back and sinking into the couch, he pressed his hands into his eyes and tried to stifle his snorts. Face neutral, Dirk kept going. 

“Everyone has the hots for that wrinkled avocado. Isn’t it obvious? That’s the only reason this franchise has done so well. Look at that mouldy potato and tell me you don’t want to bang that, John. Tell me.” 

“Oh my God shut up!” 

“Everyone he kills is a little turned on. They like a man who can take control, a man with a one track mind. And that makes this two foot murder machine hellbent on getting his gold back the perfect bachelor. Right before they die, every character looks up and thinks, ‘damn, I’d tap that’, as that hot piece of blue cheese pogo’s all over their chest.”

With a shout, John grabbed the pillow and smacked Dirk in the face with it. “Nobody thinks that! Literally no one has ever thought that!”   
“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure I could find some pretty graphic rule thirty four shit for this.” Dirk mused, catching and setting the pillow out of John’s reach. “And really, how many people find Nic Cage that sexy?”

“Everyone!” At Dirk’s raised brow, John shrunk a little. “Probably.”

“It’s literally just you and Vriska. It has always been just you and Vriska. It will probably always be just you and Vriska.” 

“You know what,” John sat back up, turning his body so he was fully facing Dirk, “I’m going to report you to the Nic Cage fan club. And then we’ll see who’s sorry.” 

Head angling back, Dirk finally broke and started laughing. Try as John might, he couldn’t keep the fake scowl on his face, and started giggling with Dirk. His laugh filled John’s chest and echoed in his own amusement. 

Dirk looked back at John, a grin still on his face. “Oh, will you now?”

“Uh-huh. And they will write you a very strongly worded letter, and I’ll add a glitter bomb before it’s delivered. That always works to teach people their lessons!” 

“And here I was going to show you the space one.” 

John paused. “Okay, I do want to see the space one. Now I’m curious.” 

Dirk laughed again. John giggled with him, but it faded when he noticed how close he and Dirk were. Facing each other, Dirk’s elbow on the back of the couch, they were leaned slightly forward, knees touching. From this close, John could see all of the slightly faded freckles on Dirk’s face. Mouth drying, John couldn’t find it in himself to turn away. 

Dirk’s tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth like he would speak. John’s eyes dipped to follow the motion, and stayed a second too long when Dirk ended up saying nothing. He could feel his cheeks flushing, just a little, and he knew he should turn back to the movie and try to focus on it, even though it was so bad. But suddenly his heart was pounding, and all he could hear was the blood in his ears, and Dirk’s fingers brushed his arm and then their lips were pressed together. 

John was right, Dirk’s lips were chapped. They were chapped, and so nice against John’s. His mind was so suddenly and thankfully silent, but his chest was squeezing and his nerves felt shot. He didn’t know when he’d closed his eyes, but he had, and he could feel the way Dirk’s shades pressed against his glasses. It made the kiss a little difficult, and he wanted to take Dirk’s dumb anime glasses off, but he didn’t want to pull away. There were so many things he wanted, and so many things he had, and he was  _ kissing Dirk  _ and the world suddenly snapped back into focus around him as he pulled away quickly, face on fire and words caught in his throat. 

Dirk was frozen in front of him, heat slowly climbing up his neck and claiming his ears. John couldn’t tell what his expression was, but he couldn’t imagine it was good, and he wanted to apologize but his voice was suddenly gone. They sat there for a minute, staring at each other, frozen, with the dumb leprechaun still murdering people in the background. 

Then Dirk blurted out ‘sorry I shouldn’t have done that’ and went to stand, shoulders high. Panic flashed through John before he could fully comprehend why Dirk was saying sorry, and all he knew was that if he let Dirk leave now he might never hear from him again. John snatched Dirk’s arm, pulling his half standing body back down to the couch, blinking rapidly and trying to make sense of the situation. 

“Wh- you’re sorry?” John’s voice was higher than usual, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “But I thought, uh, I thought I kissed you?”

Dirk was back to staring at him. He stared and stared and stared, and when John thought he’d leave again, he just said, “Oh.” 

“Yeah.”

“Huh.” 

“Yeah.” 

Silent for a long moment, Dirk placed his hand over John’s. When he swallowed, John followed the motion of his throat. “Do you want to do it again?” 

John’s breath caught in his chest. He barely managed to start nodding before Dirk had his face in his hands and they were crushed together, Dirk slipping into his lap and John frantically trying to keep up with Dirk’s lips back on his but not wanting it to stop. It was desperate, and it was clumsy, and John’s teeth hurt when they accidentally clanked into Dirk’s, and it was perfect. Dirk pulled away to take his shades off, and John got a brief glimpse of the intensity in Dirk’s eyes, enough to make his heart skip a beat, before they were back to all tongues and lips and hands in his hair. 

Needless to say, they did not watch the space one. 

***

As soon as John sent Dirk off, much too late at night, with a whispered ‘goodnight’ in the slim space between their lips that grew with each step Dirk took, John locked the door and stumbled his way into Jake’s room. Stripping all the way, John was tired out of his mind but buzzing with leftover electricity on the tips of his fingers and tongue. He stayed up for a long time in bed, staring at the ceiling, tracing his mouth and wondering if that had actually happened. 

He asked himself the same question the next day, too, when he woke up and briefly thought it was all a dream. When he confirmed that, yes, he and Dirk had actually made out last night, he got up and took Bullseye on a run to get rid of all the giddy energy in his body. It didn’t work completely, but it did calm him down enough to eat breakfast and start getting ready for class. 

He felt like he was on cloud nine. Everything felt slightly not real, but in a really good way. John didn’t know things could feel like that. Usually when things didn’t feel real, it was because he was depressed. But this time it was because Dirk had kissed him, and even just thinking that made his grin stretch and hurt. He wanted to talk to Dirk right then, text him and hear from him, but John felt like the first thing he said after kissing Dirk had to be good. It couldn’t be lame, because he kind of wanted to be romantic, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. 

Spending the entire time in his lecture thinking about what to say instead of paying attention to the professor, John jotted down snippets of pick up lines and genuine asks about Dirk and crossed everything he’d written out. He wanted it to be perfect, but was realizing maybe it wouldn’t be. Maybe he should just go for it and see where it went. 

He and Dirk could just… figure it out as they went. Whatever  _ it  _ was. John hadn’t exactly gotten the chance to tell Dirk that he really liked him between kisses, but he sort of assumed Dirk knew. The same way he hadn’t gotten the chance to ask Dirk if he liked John, and was just assuming he did. So he was hoping  _ it  _ would turn out to be dating. That would be really cool.

John floated out of his class, out to the parking lot, and got in Jake’s car. He started the engine, looked at his phone, then turned the car off again. Sitting in the parking lot, John gathered all the courage he could and reached over to pick his phone up. He was just going to go for it, and see where he landed. Right now, before he chickened out. 

Just as he touched his phone, it started ringing. It was so loud it startled John, and he fumbled to grab and answer it before it went to voicemail, hoping it was Dirk. He was so excited and nervous he forgot to look at the caller ID. 

“Hello?” He breathed. 

“John! Hello chap, it’s lovely to hear your voice after all these weeks.” Jake said on the other end. “Would you happen to be able to pop over to the airport and give me a lift? It seems I forgot to get a ride!” 

John’s high smashed and shattered around his feet. It was closely followed by his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)))
> 
> ;))) ~<333


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale, where a few messes are cleaned up and we reach a happy ending.

It was Wednesday, three days after he and John had gone to town playing tonsil tennis on Jake’s couch, and Dirk hadn’t worked up the courage to message John in all that time. He didn’t give two shits about being romantic, or saying the right thing. Yet every time he picked up his phone and went into his conversation with John, he’d start writing some stupid speil that he’d end up deleting because it sounded dumb and he was being dumb and everything was dumb. 

For two days, he’d been pacing around his apartment, ranting at the walls, trying to figure out why he was hesitating. What mental block could possibly be holding him back from just texting John ‘good morning’, or ‘want to come over and make out’, or ‘I saw a cute frog and it made me think of slime which made me think of Ghostbusters (note the lack of spaces between the words) which made me think of you because you’re a dork like that’? What reason could he have for not just saying ‘I really liked kissing you and I want to do it more and maybe hold your hand and go and dates and cheesy shit like that’? None. That was what. 

Of course, it could be that he was terrified of fucking whatever he and John were fostering up right out the gate and it was mingling with his fear of intimacy, as his last relationship hadn’t been good for a long while and had ended really badly for him, possibly irreparably so, and he didn’t want the same to happen with him and John so he was delaying the inevitable possibility that John would decide he didn’t want Dirk by refusing to contact him. Or he was just terrified that he forced himself onto John and taken advantage of his good will, because John was actually straight or just didn’t like Dirk and was too awkward to say that after Dirk totally attacked his face last night and the moment he talked to John he would tell Dirk all of this and turn him down gently like the gentleman he was. 

Dirk could come up with a million reasons why both anxieties didn’t apply and were dumb and irrational. He’d talked himself in circles trying to get his brain to see reason. It hadn’t worked yet, so Dirk was left standing by his foldout couch, feeling foolish. 

He knew he’d have to talk to John sooner or later. And he knew it was going to be sooner, because he had to go over to feed Caliborn. Somehow, talking in person seemed a lot less scary than talking over the phone. Maybe because he could read people’s faces and judge what he needed to say based on them. If John opened the door and looked awkward, Dirk would know to back off and pretend nothing happened. No words necessary. So, against Dirk’s better judgement, he left the house to head over to Jake’s without texting John to let him know first. 

The walk helped clear his head, like it usually did. Dirk had walked the way to Jake’s so many times it was ingrained in his feet, and he could do it all without ever looking up. It was good for when his mind was filled with too many thoughts. 

It was weird to think that over a month ago, he’d raced down these streets, with only Jake on his mind. And now here he was, going down the same way, taking his time, only thinking of John. Dirk wasn’t a simple, one track minded kind of man, but these two times he seemed to be that kind of man. Love really made him stupid. 

Not that he was in love with John, yet. He had feelings, and wanted to date him, sure, but love was a long way off. But Dirk thought he could love John, some day down the line. And that possibility made him giddy. 

When he got to Jake’s, he paused at the start of the walkway, staring at it. Dirk had so many memories of that house. Helping Jake move in, living there briefly himself, and now having his first kiss with John. It seemed kind of weird to say he had his first kiss with John in his ex's house. Maybe weirder than it was to say he’d had his first kiss with John in John’s cousin’s house. Either way, it was kind of weird. But Dirk was thankful that it happened, so he couldn’t detest it entirely. 

Taking a grounding breath, Dirk prepared himself and slowly approached the front door. He took the steps all at once. Staring at the wood for a moment, he let the breath out and knocked. He heard Bullseye barking, a voice shush him and footsteps approach, and took a step back so he wouldn’t crowd John’s personal space in case this really was all a misunderstanding. When the door opened, Dirk opened his mouth, took another breath, and-

Jake English answered the door, wide eyed and looking just as bewildered as Dirk felt. His skin was a little darker, but his eyes were the same shade of forest green they always had been. The same colour that had enamoured Dirk when they were teens. Dirk’s mouth stayed open, breath halted, and he stared, uncomprehending. Jake gathered his wits first, shaking his head and speaking. 

“Oh! Dirk!” It was followed by a much less enthused, “Oh, Dirk. Uhm, hello, I suppose.” 

Dirk’s mind was blank. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say. In front of him, Jake raised a hand to his neck and rubbed, glancing down and to the side. 

“It is good to see that you are well. Er, don’t take this the wrong way, but… did someone tell you that I got back? Not that I didn’t want to see you! I was planning on contacting you, it’s just, this seems a little soon! I haven’t the slightest idea what to say yet!” 

That went for them both, Dirk thought, still unable to make his voice work. 

As Jake started rambling about wanting to see him but not wanting to see him, Dirk stared at Jake and took in the fact that he wasn’t feeling… anything. Well, he was feeling something. It was mostly confusion, with some justified hurt and anger at Jake for how he left, and some fear because John didn’t tell him Jake was back and Dirk didn’t know where he lived. What he wasn’t feeling was that feeling he got when John smiled at him, or when John’s knee brushed against his, or when he kissed John. 

Jake was right, back that night he was dumped. There really wasn’t anything left between them. He didn’t know how to feel about that. But it wasn’t really important right then, because John wasn’t there and he needed to find him immediately. 

“Where’s John?”

It hadn’t been the first thing Dirk thought he’d say to Jake when he got back, and it appeared to not be what Jake expected either. Jake shut up, blinking rapidly at him, before his brows drew together. 

“Wh- I’m sorry?” 

“Where’s John?”

“Uhm. At home, I suppose. Why do you-” 

Dirk raised a finger, and Jake immediately shut up. Stepping down from the door, he pulled out his phone, going to John’s contact and hitting the call button. He held the phone to his ear, waiting impatiently, almost buzzing as the dial tone continued. Dirk was about to hang up and try again when it was answered, and his heart leapt into his throat. 

“John, hey, where-”

“Oh.” Dirk stopped in his tracks at the sound of John’s voice. It was rough, and sad, and everything completely wrong and Not How This Was Supposed To Go. “Hi, Dirk. I’m guessing you’ve seen Jake?” 

“Yes. But-” 

“Cool, cool.” It did not sound cool. “I hope you two get to talk! That’s… what you were hanging around for, after all. Heehee.” 

His laugh sounded so forced and hollow that it hurt. Dirk gripped his phone so hard he wouldn’t be surprised if it cracked, staring at the ground. “John, where are you? Just tell me and I’ll-”

“I, uh, I have to go.” John sounded like he was in tears. Dirk would’ve fought what did that to him if he didn’t know it was himself. “Have fun with Jake!”

“John don’t-” 

John hung up on him. Dirk pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at it, bewildered. He tried calling John back, but it went straight to voicemail. After a second, a long second, where he shoved all his feelings and urges to cry into the deepest pits of his soul, he whirled on Jake and stormed back up the steps. Jake startled, eyes wide, and took a step back when Dirk got in his face. 

“Tell me where John lives.” 

Jake sputtered for a few moments, then placed a hand on Dirk’s chest and physically backed him up. “Hold your horses! I’m not going to expose my cousin to you when you’re in this mood without a damn good reason!” 

“I’m not asking, Jake. I’m demanding. Tell me where John lives, now.” 

“No!” Jake lifted his chin, eyes narrowing, looking the most determined he had in a long time. “Not unless you tell me what this is about, and why you’re apparently hunting him down like a hell hound!” 

Dirk paused. He took a deep breath, which barely calmed him down. But it did enough for him to think semi-coherently. “I need to talk to John, but he won’t answer anymore. I need to go and see him and fix this.” 

Jake threw his hands up. “Fix what?! Blasted Strider, you’re not making any sense again! What in heaven's name do you think you need to ‘fix’?!” 

Dirk stared at Jake for a long moment. Looking away, he thought about if he really wanted the first person to know about him and John to be Jake. Then he thought, fuck it, and looked back. 

“While you were gone,” Dirk started, in a decidedly slower and more controlled tone, “John and I became friends. We got close. And before you came back, he and I…” He frowned. “Well, it doesn’t really matter. But essentially, right now he’s feeling bad about something he shouldn’t be, and I need to go fix it so he doesn’t hate me forever.” 

Jake watched him with wide eyes that narrowed as he spoke. He looked like he was on the edge of an epiphany, but couldn’t quite put two and two together. Dirk had seen that look a lot, when they dated, and had always carefully explained himself until Jake understood. But he couldn’t do that here, he didn’t have time. 

Luckily, it seemed Jake managed to put the pieces together himself. Dirk didn’t know how grateful to be about that though, because Jake’s expression widened in shock. He sputtered and tripped over his own false sentence starts, then stopped, and stared at Dirk. He looked away. Bullseye, sitting next to him, whined. Jake leaned down to pat him absently, took a couple breaths, then looked back at Dirk. 

“You’ll take care of him?”

Tongue suddenly thick, Dirk almost couldn’t reply. But he forced himself to. “I promise.” 

Jake nodded half heartedly. He took a deep breath, then let it out. “He lives a five minute drive from here. Continue down this road, take a right three streets down into the suburbs, then turn onto four hundred thirteenth street. Continue until you see a slime pogo. You can’t miss it.”

Dirk was taking off down the road before Jake stopped talking, ignoring Jake’s call to ‘be gentle with that boy’. He pushed his legs as fast as they could go, and it really was starting to feel like the night Jake broke up with him. The same desperation filled his chest and fuelled his speed as he tried to keep from breathing heavily. 

He just hoped John was still at home when he got there. 

Dirk took the right, barely looking to see if there were any cars coming before he crossed the road, never slowing his sprint. He counted streets as he went, muttering their names, and pushed himself faster when he saw 413 St. He could see the smile pogo from several houses down. 

There was no car in the driveway when he got there. Looking up at the house, Dirk took in the details quickly- a normal house, pretty boring, with a nice balcony- before heading for the front door. He cut across the lawn, something John would have scolded him for if he’d seen it. Stepping in front of the door, he glanced it over, then pushed the doorbell and held his finger down. He wanted John down and answering the door, and he wanted it now. 

It took a couple minutes of holding the bell down for John to answer. Dirk heard him shout ‘I’m coming’ from inside and stopped. There was just enough time for Dirk to regain his breath before John opened the door and stole it again. 

There were bags under John’s eyes, and he was pale. He looked really tired in pj’s he’d probably been wearing for a long while. What was worse was the moisture in John’s eyes, behind his smudged glasses, like he refused to cry but couldn’t quite stop his tear ducts from trying. His hair was an absolute mess, and he looked bad, and it did so much more to Dirk’s heart than seeing Jake at his best did. 

John opened his mouth, then looked up, and nothing came out. Dirk saw the way his expression- so open and easy to read- flashed through confusion, bewilderment, then briefly pain and something incredibly soft before it went back to confusion. 

“Dirk? What are you doing here?” He shifted, tugging self consciously at his sleep shirt. “Did you, uh, already talk to Jake?”

Dirk had a hard time swallowing around the guilt and affection in his throat. “Sort of. I might have lowkey threatened him to give me your address.” 

“I- what?” John smiled, just a little, but it was mostly confused. “You did what? Why?” 

“Because you hung up before I could explain anything.” 

“Oh.” His face fell again, and he looked down. “You don’t have to explain anything, I get it. You were waiting for Jake to get back all this time, and now he’s here…” John shrugged. “It’s cool. It was... It was just a kiss. We can forget it happened, if you and Jake are getting back together.” 

Dirk briefly felt like the wind was knocked out of him. He felt so fucking dumb, both because he hadn’t told John about his feelings and because he hadn’t explained that he’d given up on Jake. And he felt like shit for putting that miserable expression on John’s face for not saying anything. 

“John, no. Jake and I won’t get back together.” 

John’s head snapped up. Blinking, he frowned at Dirk. “You won’t?”

Taking a step forward, Dirk placed a hand on the doorway. “No. We won’t.”

Briefly losing his voice, John blinked at Dirk’s sudden proximity. But he didn’t step away. When he spoke, his voice was filled with hope. “Oh. Why not?”

Dirk took a breath, and gave John his best smile. It came out small and guilty, but it was there. “There’s a different throat I’d much rather shove my tongue down.”

John flushed red, a laugh startling out of him. He reached out, maybe to shove Dirk’s shoulder, maybe to just touch him and make sure he was there, but his hand ended up fisted in Dirk’s shirt. Still laughing a little, John’s eyes filled with water again, but he blinked them back. 

“That’s the dumbest way of saying you like me. You’re such an ass.” 

“That’s me, pure asshole.” Dirk shrugged. “And I’d really like to kiss you now, if you don’t mind.” 

John shook his head, grinning, and Dirk stepped forward to press his lips against John’s. It was a lot softer than the many they’d shared Sunday, but it still made Dirk’s head spin a little, dizzy with disbelief that he was actually kissing this man. And finally, finally, it felt like the pieces of his life were falling into place. 

***

Some time later found them in John’s room. When they’d first gone inside and up to his bedroom (because John insisted being spotted smooching by the neighbours would be weird), Dirk had glanced around and made a snide remark about the posters. He’d pointed  _ Marley & Me _ out, specifically. Looking over with a knowing grin, John had said it was ironic, and Dirk couldn’t help but take John’s face in his hands and kiss him stupid. 

Giggling, John had batted him away, and they’d sat on John’s bed. Which was where they were now, hands barely an inch apart, staring at the far wall, trying to figure out what to say after that whole whirlwind of emotions. 

John made a sound first, clearing his throat, and kicked out his feet a little. “So.” 

Dirk nodded. “Yeah. So.” 

“You actually, like.  _ Like  _ like me?”

Dirk snorted. “Jesus Egbert, you sound like a middle schooler playing telephone with your friends relationships. Please, we’re adults. It’s perfectly acceptable to say I have a crush on you.” 

John laughed, and some of the tension in his shoulders eased. “Sorry, this is all kind of new again. But, uh, I like you, too. Or, I have a crush on you.” His face flushed. “There really is no great way of saying that is there?”

“Well, there’s ‘I have feelings for you’, but that’s boring. Spice your confession up with some teasing and immature words. Make it less stressful in your early twenties by not making the transition between childlike and adult language. Who gives a fuck about maturity anyways?” 

Shaking his head, John stifled his laughs and inched his hand closer until his fingertips brushed Dirk’s. Dirk felt heat start to creep up his neck, but he slid his fingers between John’s. John squeezed his hand. Neither of them looked at each other, just stared at the ground, blushing like fools. Dirk hated that he loved it. 

Sighing loudly, John flopped onto his back. “I don’t know why I just ducked out when Jake got back. It was kind of dumb of me, wasn’t it?”

Dirk looked over at him, then after a moment, laid down beside him. “Just a little. But I never actually made it clear what my intentions were when I kissed you, and I forgot to mention that I’d stopped hoping to get back together with Jake. And I was being a little bitch about reaching out. So, that is partially on me.” 

Huffing, John rolled over so he could look at Dirk, switching which hand he held Dirk’s in. “But that’s the thing! Neither did I! I just made assumptions and made things messy.” 

Rolling over too, Dirk examined John and thought for a moment. “Well, yeah. But that’s fine. People are messy.”

John pouted. “But you don’t like messy.” 

“I do not. That is correct. But if it’s you being a mess, then I’ll accept it.” Hesitantly, Dirk reached his free hand out and placed it on John’s waist. “I might try to fix it and will most definitely step over your boundaries, but we can burn that bridge when we get to it.”

“...Do you mean cross?” 

“Sure, we could do that too.” 

Rolling his eyes, but smiling, John reached forward and plucked Dirk’s shades off of his nose. Dirk made a face, but didn’t protest. He was okay with being vulnerable right now, especially after John almost cried multiple times. It would take work to get used to no shades some other time, but right now, it was okay. 

Folding them, John sat up and set the shades on his bedside table. Then he laid back down, and looked back at Dirk. The clear affection in John’s expression was difficult to process without a barrier, and it made Dirk flush a little. 

John smiled, but it faded quickly. “Uhm. Dirk?” He continued when Dirk made a noise of confirmation. “First, I really want to date you. So, do you want to date?” 

Dirk snorted. “Obviously, John.” 

“Cool! Because the second question is, is it okay if we don’t tell our friends right away? Because I’ve never liked a guy before, and I want to figure this out first.” 

Dirk blinked. He thought. Yeah, he wasn’t that keen on explaining to everyone how he bounced from Jake to John so quickly. They’d probably draw the same conclusions he had about his own feelings. 

“Yeah, that’s fine. I will warn you though, I think Jake figured it out because I had to get your address out of him. And Roxy at least knows that I have feelings for you, because he was the one to clue me in.” 

John snorted. “Yeah, Rose might have an idea too. I kind of called her to ask how she knew she was a lesbian? So she definitely knows something. Lalonde’s, huh?” 

Dirk would have agreed, if another part of that confession hadn’t caught his attention. “John, wait. Are you saying I’m your gay awakening? Is that what’s happening? Am I the tool that gets you addicted to dick?”

Squawking, John shoved a hand in Dirk’s face in a vain attempt to push him away, face red. “That is not what happened! This isn’t a gay awakening, I still liked girls in the past. And I’m not going to get addicted to dick or whatever!”

“If I’m the only dude you ever date, then I’m the exception. It’s either I turned you on to sweet man buns or I’m the only male ass you’ll ever ogle, Egbert, and both sound sweet as hell.” 

“Rose said orientation doesn’t work that way?”

“It does when I want to fuck with you.” 

Giving up, John threw his hands up, which just gave Dirk the opportunity to slip into his personal space and get his arms around John’s waist. “You’re the worst. I can’t believe I’m going to date you, this sounds like a very poor decision on my part.” 

“But you’ll still do it, because you like me.”

“Yeah,” he said, all too fond. His arms slipped under Dirk’s to hold him around the back, like a slightly parted hug. “Yeah, I do.”

Dirk smiled, and leaned in to kiss John again. Humming pleasantly, John kissed back, and it was a lot nicer without their glasses clinking together. It made a very strong argument for why Dirk should wear them less often. Only in private, though. 

It would take a while to find his footing with John, they were still getting to know each other. And Dirk had almost literally just come out of a bad breakup from a long term relationship, so he wasn’t going to be the best at this. He was terrified he was going to fuck up, but it scared him more to think about not taking his chance with John. So he would try his best, for John. 

And if John tried his best too, then that was all Dirk could ever ask of both of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for We Don't Need An Adventure folks! It's almost surreal to think it's done. But I'm glad I could finish it for y'all! I can't believe the amazing support and love I got out of this from everyone, it warms my heart and inspires me to continue. Thank you all! 
> 
> And as a treat, I'll let you all in on a secret. I actually have a lot more planned for this particular AU! Just cute things, like dates and figuring out relationship stuff, but I have it planned to drop into a series folder. I just need to write it! I have a special something for it to post on 4/13, then I might take a break, but be sure there will be more cute DirkJohn coming your way! ;)))
> 
> Please be safe, take care of yourselves, and know that I love you. Thank you so much for reading! I hope to seed you in future fics <333


End file.
